Is he just using me?

he broke up with me a few months ago but he's been in contact with me the whole time and tells me he loves me, but there are times when he backs off and becomes distant. Last week he texted and called me but he was sad because a family member that was visiting had left. So I talked to him and told him everything was going to be alright. The last time we talked was Wednesday into early Thursday morning and I texted him later in the day but he didn't reply.

Yesterday he went to a concert and he hasn't even tried to contact at all this week so far.

Is is he only using me for support when he is sad? What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmm... It could be. From what you said, you do not seem a priority to him when he is having fun...

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    • Also, this guy broke up with you, but somehow he says that he "still loves you"... Of course, to make sure you are there when he needs you for support... Be smarter! Move on with your life and do not look back. Ever. No contact. I am afraid you will get hurt... because I feel you still hope. There are much better guys out there, don't waste your precious time on such a selfish one. Better alone than with the wrong guy.

    • Show All
    • No worries, I am happy if I can help. Please do not blame yourself, you are in love with the wrong guy. I feel you, I know its hard. because I went through something similar a few years ago. It was terrible because every time I heard from him, I was hoping... and then silence and a broken heart again. This happened a few times. At some point I told myself it was enough. I tried hard to divert my focus on something different, and I went no contact all at once. Eventually I took the distance emotionally. He contacts me once in a while now, and I do reply - I am well over him. And it's actually funny, because I can see he contacts me because he wants something from me... I know him too well. And I play, but he is not going to get his way. And trust me: do not reply to his texts/calls/emails as long as you need to move on with your life. Everything is going to be alright.

    • Thanks again, and if he contacts me again I'm going to ignore him because I can't keep living like this. I remember about 2 weeks ago I tried to ignore him and he texted me 5 times saying if I love him to call him back, and he said I need you now, and called 13 times and even emailed me saying call me now. So I gave in and called him. But this time I'm not going to give in I'm probably going to block him. I don't know why exes do this why can't they just let go.

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What Guys Said 2

  • YESS!! You are his emotional fluffer, his emotional crutch, his emotional support...

    Sorry for that but by what you said, it seems like the reality of the situation here.

    You're left waiting in a whirl of confusion as he seems to want to talk to you one moment and then the next he's gone with no communication for awhile.

    -he broke things off
    -he contacts only when sad
    -he doesn't reply.

    Everything is on his terms. Selfish and look how it affects you. This is no good.

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  • Does she want you physically now?

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What Girls Said 1

  • He could be. One of the hardest things to let go after a break up is the friendship and support the person gave you. During the relationship your SO becomes the person you always turn to when you have a problem, a person you can vent and talk to about almost anything, and when its over you realize you didn't just lose a lover, but you often just lost one of your best friends as well. Thats why so many people try to remain friends with their exes thinking its a good idea.

    He most likely backs off and becomes distant when he realizes that it won't work out again, and realizes that he's getting too close to you. If you want a reconciliation you should ask him what his intentions are with you, and if he jerks you around you should be honest and tell him that the constant hot and cold contact isn't helping you heal and it would probably be best if you two don't talk at all for awhile. It isn't right that he is basically making you an option while you are still making him a priority. You are only setting yourself up for more heartache in this scenario. It is likely that he barely realizes he is doing this to you, and that is why you need to have a conversation with him about it.

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    • I agree, also I do want to be with him, and I've asked him what he wanted and he says he wants me but never makes it official and backs off after in saying he wants me. Just last week I asked him if he doesn't want me in his life to say so, and he said "I do want you in my life, I want everything with you" but now he is ignoring me.

    • He sounds confused, like he doesn't want to commit to you fully yet he doesn't want to let go either. You need to focus on whats good for you as well and I'm sensing that you're the type that doesn't put yourself or your feelings first very often. He is controling all of the communication and the fate of the relationship and whether he knows it or not he's toying with you. Its possible that he couldd just need some time to sort through a few things before being with you, but even that is uncertain with his inconsistent behavior. Its almost as if he is appeasing you until e gets what he wants and then he leaves again. Like he's using you for emotional support like some people do with sex...

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