My boyfriend was arrested for domestic violence and strangulation. I clearly know the relationship has to be over but the transition to life without him is taking a toll, especially because we lived together. Everything reminds me of him and breaks my heart. Our really bad fights always started with him accusing me of cheating. After he got arrested I found out the reason behind it, his phone was filled with people he tried/ did cheat on me with. The thing that makes everything really sticky is that he is suicidal, there were three main incidents where he told me he was going to kill himself and cut his arm all up leaving begging him to stop. But every time he stopped I couldn't help but feel controlled and manipulated, and it proved that there couldn't be a stable future for us. I even got pregnant but he stressed me out so bad (having to talk him down and take the knives from his hand, him having to go to the psych hospital, etc...) that I believe he caused me to misscarraige. Anyways he is arrested now but I'm still heart broken and feel like i need to help, and it kills me to have to go to court and look at somebody I loved/love so much and tell the judge what happend because I know he will be locked up for a while. I'm just dreading the day I get the phone call that he killed himself because it will change my life. I just feel like I'm the only one who can help him and truly cares, even though it hasn't helped so far. I don't know how I got into this mess...
Most Helpful Guy
I think this is a normal reaction to your situation. Reach out to others who have experienced these things, you aren't alone in this.
Remember--you were being abused and manipulated... his claws are still in you. Bit by bit, you'll release his hold.1
Most Helpful Girl
He likely won't kill himself (it's a method of manipulation) but if he does, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. He chose the course of action to abuse you, and subsequently is now required to suffer the repercussions of his actions. If he didn't want a negative outcome, he shouldn't have acted negatively towards you. That isn't love, that isn't compassion, that's control and manipulation. You can't help him, you feel like you can, but you can't. He doesn't want you to help him, he wants you so he can have control over you, and nothing else. You have to stop putting the responsibility of HIS ACTIONS on YOUR shoulders. I understand that this is easier said than done, so I suggest you reach out to some organizations that assist women who have been domestically abused. They'll offer various forms of free help that will get you back to a confident level where you won't be willing to tolerate abuse again in the future.
Good luck with your court proceeding and your future. Don't go back to this shit head.1