Girls, should I tell his girlfriend or just let things be and move on?

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 12yrs until 2yrs ago when he moved to another city to open up his new business (he didn't ask me to come with him), he met someone else and starting dating her without telling me, they have been together since. During those 2yrs, he would use guilt and my feelings for him to get sex. But the past year, I have told him over and over that I was not interested in having a casual relationship with someone already in a relationship. Periodically I would receive texts telling me that he misses me and that he is very unhappy and they are barely together. I don't love him anymore, but I am forgiving person, and we still had some contact, but I never contacted him first. Over a month ago, he asked me if he was single is we could start seeing each (I told him awhile ago over and over and over again that I wasn't doing casual sex anymore), I told him that I would have to think about that, bc I knew that I didn't love him anymore. But then I found out that he was back together with his girlfriend, but he was still asking to see me. When I confronted him, at first he just ignored me, then finally he responed but he was very nasty and told me that his feelings for me were not mutual (I guess he thinks I still love him), he told me he didn't need to tell me because he was only interested in a casual relationship, in fact that is the only kind of he wants with anybody even his girlfriend who is committed to him. When I asked about the sweet messages he was leaving me, he said he was just being nice. He was just using me for sex. He was my first love and I thought he respected me more than that. I thought he was out of my life until this Fri morning when he asked for me to leave work that morning for sex, when I responded no, bc he had a girlfriend, he responded "not that again." He is not the man I fell in love with, I don't know this person.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why would you do that? How vindictive are you? Be the bigger person and just move on

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    • I am not a vindictive person and I don't want to tell her, but he also told me that if I didn't have sex with him, he would find someone else, which fine with me. I have moved on, but he still contacts me and shows up at my apartment when I don't answer his texts or calls. So what should I do then?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I will have sex with you

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm not sure what may have turned him into such an asshole (excuse my language) but I can assure you he is using you. He thinks your easy and wants to use whatever you've had together to get in your pants. It's pretty messed up you were having sex with someone else's boyfriend in spite of your past but if you're serious about not being that type of girl I would say cut him off. He isn't going to take you seriously when you say your reason for no sex because you've already proven him otherwise. He probably just looks at you as a slutty object because that's how he's treating you. This guy sex, stay away from him like the plague. I would tell his girlfriend so she knows what kind of guy she's with and move on with your life. People have AIDS dude, protect yourself.

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    • Yes, I am ashamed I that had sex with him. He was my first and only love and I didn't know how to handle my emotions. It happened once and never again.

    • I understand the emotional attachment behind the action especially considering the years, but it does not excuse the actions. It's great that you feel remorseful but honestly DON'T let it happen again. It's not okay to violate another person's relationship. This guy doesn't see you as anything other than a hole and that's sad on his part. He's not going to see a human being who's serious behind her decisions he sees you as a door mat and a foot stool. Block him so he can't call you, delete him from social media, tell his girlfriend because she has the right to know, and if he comes to your apartment don't let him in and call the police if he won't leave. This dude is so sick he's asked you to leave work so he could have a quick cumming session. Kick him to the curb and find someone a million times better than this loser.

  • Personally i would cut all contact with him and move on. In situations like this..." the messenger is always shot". You'd be one one ending up looking the " bad" one , so why put your self in that position when it is him who is doing wrong.

    No good will come out of telling her... she'll discover what he is like for herself in due time. You won't gain anything by telling her, she'll probably think you are just a jealous ex making things up, and he will instill that into her mind too. She'll believe him over you.

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  • You really have to ignore him. Strict no contact: no calls, no texts, no emails. This guy is not serious. He is selfish, he does not respect you. He is using you! And he is not going to change. Move on, you deserve and will find someone much better.

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    • About telling his gf: I would let things be. She will find who her boyfriend really is, sooner or later. No worries! Just do not get involved with them, none of your business.

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