My girlfriend has met her ex twice behind my back, and they have conversations that she can't show me , what do I do?

she knows i am jealous of that particular ex because he was the one who dumped her in a very rude way, i am always open minded with her , i dont mind any other friend or male but she knows i would have been really hurt and lose my trust for her if she talked to that ex, lately i discovered she met him twice behind my back, she was the one who contacted him after we have been for a year together, the first time she met him, she told me she is at her father's house, and didn't answer my calls all day, the next time she said she is at work and kept checking on me if i am away from her work place or not, later i discovered all that, and asked her to show me their msgs or her whatsapp but she refused and changed the subject, i tried to push myself to forgive her and she said it is over between them and that she won't talk to him anymore, i waited a week then asked her to show me her mobile to make sure she has stopped talking like she said, we were somewhere, and she refused to give me her mobile, i strated crying in the street "please show me", she stood there very shocked and sad but couldnt show me anything, i cried in the street then i walked away took a taxi and went to my dad's home, later she said she knows she was wrong and that she is sorry, i agreed to meet her because i love her, but something inside me has brutally broke, i wasn't comfortable with her , and i couldnt know who she is anymore, just zero trust towards her, i even brought her a present on that date because i felt i was kind cruel when i left her in the street , i brought her a very nice present, but down me i was so so sad and suspicous and doubtful,. well, what do i do? what would you have done guys?

ps : She has left me before for 2-3 months to hook up with a fling , and i took her because i love her, and because she promised that she will never hurt me or do anything to break my trust again

Updates:
do you think i had the right to leave her and walk away that day when she couldnt show me her call log, whatsapp or anything between her and her ex?, i was crying, but she looked so sad and shocked ,.. but i found nothing to do except to leave and walk away , would you have done the same?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She is aware that you are not comfortable with her contacting that particular ex. She knows it would hurt you and break the trust you have in her. YET, she does contact him. And, worse, behind your back. And even worse, she is not honest with you about the topic of their conversation. Most likely she is not over her ex, especially because she was the dumpee. If this was not the case, why keeping secrets? This is a selfish behavior, she cares about her well being, no matter if her actions cause you discomfort. She does not seem to respect you and does not value enough the relationship she has with you... She left you already once for someone else. I totally understand why you took her back, I was in your situation once. But once trust is gone, it's gone. And it takes a lot to build it again. Something she does not seem willing to do...
    OP, I believe there should not be secrets in a healthy relationship... and mutual trust should be its foundations. I would talk to her to give the relationship a final chance. But if she does not change, I am afraid you are better off without her.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am amazed as how blind so many young people are by the stuff they post here.

    If a woman did that to me I would dump her like yesterday's trash. She is not worthy of trust as she only thinks of herself.

    Geez... This is not rocket science! lol

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 27

  • Leave her. She's bad news and doesn't respect you.

    Don't think you can do better, KNOW you can do better.

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    • thank you:)\

    • Also you did the right thing by leaving, well done. It's good she got to see how much her actions affect other people and maybe next time she'll show more respect.

  • Now you know why her ex dumped her so rudely ! She wants to have her cake, eat it, have a second piece and then walk over you to get a third piece. She's greedy, ungrateful, selfish, and not worth your love. She's a serial abuser of grass is greener syndrome. Move on and find somebody who is worth your time.

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  • I would say... She might be hurt that you don't trust her. However if my boyfriend wants to see my phone I give it to him. I have nothing to hide. That just makes me think something is up. You and the people who have commented can't know 100% that she has cheated even though it seems that way.
    Honestly you seem so lovely and she does not deserve someone like you. Especially with that history of breaking up with you just to go f*ck someone else and then come back. That's pathetic. She hasn't stuck to her promise. There is no trust there once it's broken you can't glue it back together and expect it to be ok. As hard as it is you are going to need to let this girl go. I'm here if you need to talk or anything.

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  • Sorry to be harsh, but you're a doormat. She is not that in to you and you don't want to face up to the truth.

    The grass is always greener with this girl and she has plenty of unfinished business going on in her life. She is prepared to lie to your face so she can talk to her ex, he means that much to her. She left you for 2-3 months to bang other guys. Your girl is a real catch.

    Stay with her and keep having your heart broken every so often. You are her banker - she can keep coming back to you after she's gone off and had fun with someone else.

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  • I'd have a serious talk with her. I have only ever stayed friends with one of my ex's and at that we don't speak unless we happen to bump into each other. And if you don't trust her, then I think it's best to leave her. Relationships don't stand a chance without trust.

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  • Wow sounds like you are a very patient guy. Harsh truth- this girl is not into you (don't take that personally!) it sounds like she is still into her ex and can't get over the fact he dumped her seeing as she contacted him first to meet up. If she even went as far as to meet up with him when she knew it would hurt you and lie to you it shows she doesn't care very much about your feelings. Best course of action, leave her be. It sounds like the relationship is one sided and you give more than she does. If I were you I would break up with her and ignore her when she comes back looking for your attention.

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  • She is not worth seeing anymore, and that last P. S. part just proves it. She knew it would hurt you if she saw him but she went anyway AND lied about it. She wouldn't meet him anymore unless there was something there, she knows you don't like it but she doesn't care.

    Break up with her. You deserve to be with someone you fully trust, someone who doesn't contact her exes behind your back. I know it hurts and it sucks, and that you love her, but remember how much she has hurt you. There are girls out there who would never do such a thing. She is not a good girlfriend. The best thing you can get out of this is being the one to dump her. How humiliating wouldn't it be if she was the one ended up dumping you? All of that pain for nothing.

    Respect yourself and your values, and break it off with her.

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  • Break up with her. She's going to hurt you and she's not trustworthy. Don't fall for what she's doing please. I'm sorry

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  • I wouldn't tolerate that at all. I'd already walk away from this situation even tho you lover her , dont get stronger feelings and then she'll end up playing you out.

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  • She's a jerk and she's cheating on you. This woman is a parasite that will continue to take advantage for as long as you allow her. Dump her and find someone who's worth your love and time because this woman certainly isn't.

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  • She's already had her second chance. If My guy felt insecure or uncomfortable about my conversations I'd show my guy my phone no problem. It'll only keep going on as long as you let it. I'd be tired of trying to build something that's already crumbled twice. I hope you realize you don't deserve that and set higher standards. Sorry your hurting.

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    • thank you, i wish she was honest like you.. her not being able to show me anything and i love her so much, just broke my heart and drove me crazy that day.. i had nothing to do but to walk away.. do u think that was harsh? would you do the same if you were me?

    • What else was there to do? You asked her to be honest an she stood there and watched you crumble with no intention of just showing you.. That's it right there. You needed something, she refused, walk away. You did it right. She messed up.

    • i was crying in the street, it was too hard , and you know what that was a week after she said it was over between them.. and worst, that day on the phone earlier i said lets hang out with our friends today because i would want to see the the conversations and i know i will get hurt , so lets have some fun first.. so this way i kind warned her that i will ask to see the things and that i am afraid i will get hurt,, still she took no action.. i am sorry for talking much,, but you know these kind of betrayals really hurt

  • This is why I don't hang with dudes who talk to their exes. Run.

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  • Red flag... :/ maybe give her an ultimatum... Or break up with her :(

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  • Seriously, break up with her. Maybe this is why her ex dumped her as well.

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  • Re your update

    Yes, I would.

    I would walk slow to see if she calls but if not I would do what you did.

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    • she called me and was pushing me and blocking my way so i don't go away, but i was so so angry and sad so i moved her arms saying "i don't know who you are anymore !! ", I took her arms away and walked away, i was crying very hard when i was saying that... god she knew all that would happen if she contacted this particular ex :S, i knew i would never trust her or be comfortable with her if she did that ,.. and she did it exactly the worst way possible :S, do you imagine contacting this ex hurt me more that when she left me and slept with someone else... because i knew i would really doubt her love for me, and i knew i can't be the same again if i doubted she has feelings for someone else :S

  • Yes , I think you have the right to leave her , relationships is all about trust ,
    So the best thing to do now is to tell her that you can't continue in this relationship unless she shows you the conversation and tell you what exactly was happening and why she contacted her boyfriend.
    If she loves you she will prefer to show you the conversations ,
    If she doesn't love you she will keep hiding them.
    And it means she doesn't deserve your love.

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    • she kept hiding them, and to calm me down and make me meet her, she said on the phone that she will let me send what ever message i want from her mobile to him, as if i am her to make me believe she doesn't care about him, i wouldn't want to be rude at all, but still she offered this until i agreed to meet her, when i met her she again refused to show me her mobile, and when i asked her to give to write the message she was like " no let me do it ahaa here it is " blocking him on fb, and aha here it is" and deleted his number from whatsapp " and put her mobile in her pocket.. i stood there looking at her so sad , with no slight trust and i said " i know you are lying, i know you will unblock him once i turn my back, and you still has the number from the whatsapp conversation " , she didn't reply.. i walked her home and went back still didn't make me send him anything as she promised... so yeah ,, what do you think?

    • I think she doesn't love you , doesn't even care about your feelings ,
      I mean Omg! If my boyfriend did the same thing and didn't want to show me his conversations I would immediately leave him (in the street and forever) so don't feel guilty , just leave her and start over.
      I'm sorry for that , but I can say that you will get over this someday.

  • she is cheating on you

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  • Come.. on
    Open your eyes and leave her while you still have some dignity left in you. She is using you. Keep all this love bullshit aside and be selfish and dump her.

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  • Break up with her... you dont need that kind of person in your life. She apparently does not love you.

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  • She's up to no good. Those are all signs of cheating. Especially if he dumped her she's probably still not over him.

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  • Relationships are based on communication i would say your shop sprung a leak jump off before it sinks completely

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  • she's cheating on you obviously.

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  • Dump her. She is not trustworthy and most likely on the look to hook up with her ex

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  • You seem to be a very nice guy for a gal like that, I'd leave her..

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  • leave the liar!

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  • Walk away hunny. Trust me! She is no good.

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  • You should leave her!

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What Guys Said 19

  • it sounds to me like she doesn't really respect your wishes not to see this guy because she kind of walks all over you... I mean running off for a fling and then you just take her back? This is going to sound harsh but trust I don't mean it to be, you gotta respect yourself in order for people to respect you. to allow a girl to just sort of walk all over you will mean that she'll keep doing so

    so I think you need to assert some dominance. tell her talking to her ex behind your back is not ok and you won't stand for it. if she isn't going to respect you, you shouldn't be with her

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  • There is no question, break up. She doesn't care enough about you to stay in a relationship with her. I don't think you have reason to be "suspicious" it seems waht she is doing is completely obvious. She is selfish and that isn't going to change. Break up with her and find some one who will actually love you back.

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  • What's in her whatsapp is her business not yours. However, going to visit any guy and deliberately hiding it is a boundary she should not cross. But really man, when you have to grovel so you can feel better about what's going on, then its time to end it. Be gone bitch!

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    • actually i would have never asked to see anything , it is that she lied about where she is two times , is what made it hard for me to believe if she stopped talking to him or not without seeing any evidence, you know when someone can lie to you like that , it is hard to believe their talk again, so i wanted her to show me something that proves she has stopped.. but she couldnt, does that mean that she was still talking to him after she promised that it is over?, at this moment would you leave her as well?, was i harsh that i walked away?, but i swear i was too hurt and angry, so..

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    • would you walk away that day if you were me?, would you have taken her back if she broke up with you to sleep with someone else?

    • Well I would like to think I wouldn't have taken her back after she dumped me to have a fling, but its easy for me to say that, I would have walked when I found she was talking to her ex and deliberately hiding it.

  • Dump her, now.

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  • Shit dude you need to talk to her and get her under control. If you don't there's a chance she might get back together with her.

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    • what if i am too hurt to fight?, i have literally lost all my trust for her.. but i lover her :"(

    • Then do this. Look her in the eye and ask her "do you love me?" and if she keeps looking into your eyes and says yes between 2-3 seconds then let her explain. If she answers to fast or staggers a little bit then end this shit immediately.

  • It's sad how much people can be a fool for the one who did them wrong. So don't follow the cycle being a fool. It's miserable, trust me.

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  • Stop making yourself a victim and dump her immediately. This will only have a sad end for you. Im talking from experience. End it now!

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  • well buddy, you know how is that girl and you take a risk one time but think about it, if she leaves you for only a moment of sex then she don't loves you or have the minimum respect.

    Leave her because is evident that her is with another guy. The suffering is optional so you must decide if still or change of partner.

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  • Time to make her your ex

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  • She is playing you. If she can't show you the log it is because she knows it will damn her as a lying cheating bitch. You should dump her and start looking elsewhere.

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    • thank you man, if you were me on that day , would you walk away as i did , i just feel guilty about this part, but i swear i was too hurt and angry?

  • Be a man?
    Find another girl now , and hurt her the way she did to you, even if you can't get a new girl just get enough busy on your phone when your with her, she will appreciate you more if she think your busy with enough girl.

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  • Yeah you need to dump her doesn't sound like she respects you at all

    You're being taken for a mug

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  • Next time put spaces in your writing. One big block is hard to read.

    Leave her.

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  • Dump her ass very rudely. How can you ever trust her?

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  • Don't be a wimp. Dump her.

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  • Brake up with her.

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  • You are lacking a spine, possessive, controlling and she is a dirty whore. Seems like a perfect fit.

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    • how am i controlling? can't you be jealous of a certain ex and demand that your so just stays away from him/her? and in return you are 100% open about all of her other friends and dont mind her talking to anybody else? and also in return you are 100% loyal and dont even talk to other girls just to make her feel safe and secure, and never talk to any of your exes?

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    • ahaha can't it be as a result of past betrayal or past lying or dishonesty? , can't you see she has already left me before to fuck another dude although we were so in love and i trusted her with all my heart?, dont you think taking her back her back is all about NOT CONTROLLING and being kind and a patient? it is natural for the betrayed partner to be scared or insecure after that, it is enough that they have taken the breaker back, and now it is the breaker's job to mend and fix this broken trust and making them feel safe again, and obviously this is not what she did.. sometimes there are reasons for jealousy, and it is human nature, when you get your heart broken seeing your love with someone else, or know she is seeing her ex boyfriend while you are working your ass off to pay her bills, you know why someone can be jealous,.. think about it , you are saying anything

    • "we were so in love"
      You were so in love. She was in love with random cock.

  • Seriously, do you enjoy being tortured? This is a classic example of why it's sometimes better to be single.

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  • Similar for me only she left for her ex. Grass is greener syndrome sucks. Cut her off. Guys like us are the last good ones left. She can't appreciate that so let her suffer by continuing to mess around with more a-holes. Eventually she'll look back and wish she wasn't so dumb to do that

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