Should I surprise visit my ex girlfriend at work? I want to show there are no hard feelings and eventually get her back?

So, by some twist of fate, I met my ex on this app and it was a once in a lifetime dream come true. I called her my sun an stars and she just happened to be wearing a necklace with "my sun and stars" on one side, and "moon of my life" on the other. We completed each other and had each others backs through anything. Soon after we had our first date and fell for each other, my father got in an accident and couldn't work so we lost our house. She supported me through homelessness, finally getting my first job, moving, everything. She had been through horrible things in life like low self esteem, abuse, once raped, all kinds of things that I accepted about her and supported her with. Also she is Leo and I am Gemini for you who care.(ironically she was like my sun and I was her moon in that way). We were 40 miles apart and only saw each other once a month and me being shy when physically with her, she assumed I was ashamed of her. Eight months in, she got stressed and drunk and kissed another guy. I forgave her and brought us back from a short break up over the phone. We planned to move in together and celebrate my birthday. We made love that night. but on my birthday the next morning, there was tension between us and we had a shitty day. She talks to her roomie, she comes back and breaks up with me. We talk forever and she leaves. I'm usually strong, but I was crippled emotionally. I did the usual begging her to stay and found out 3 days later she got with her ex whom she's known for 6 years who returned to the city. She apparently always wanted him and fell for him behind my back during our struggles. He is Capricorn. So we argue a few times on the phone, she tells me I've hurt her a bunch of times, (accidentally) and once her "new" guy starts with me over the phone and I let them both have it HARD and we haven't spoken since. We lasted 10 months. I get that she left from insecurity, paranoia, and Feeling unsafe but she blames me. We are both 19, the new dude is 22.

Updates:
I owned up to my side of the problem. I texted my forgiveness and a formal apology. I then explained our faults in the relationship and left it at that. If she someday returns, God or the hands of fate are again in my favor. If not, I can have peace knowing that I tried. It just seemed so perfect i couldnt believe my luck. I might miss her for the rest of eternity even after the pain she caused, but fuck it. Life goes on.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Short answer bad idea. I know I wouldn't want my ex showing up at my place of employment unannounced. And we split on very good terms. Now if he called me at home thats a different story.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "We completed each other and had each others backs through anything. Soon after we had our first date and fell for each other, my father got in an accident and couldn't work so we lost our house. She supported me through homelessness, finally getting my first job, moving, everything. "

    ^no matter wot... she REALLY cared about u bro... ;)

    "She had been through horrible things in life like low self esteem, abuse, once raped, all kinds of things that I accepted about her and supported her with."

    ^and u really cared about her as it seems... :)

    "We were 40 miles apart and only saw each other once a month and me being shy when physically with her, she assumed I was ashamed of her. "

    ^40 miles it's about an hr wid car... no? so u could visit each other more often... unless u both were busy people...

    "Eight months in, she got stressed and drunk and kissed another guy. I forgave her and brought us back from a short break up over the phone."

    ^u did da right thing bro... she was DRUNK... so her actions could be pardoned in her case... she wasn't aware of wot she was doin atm...

    "We planned to move in together and celebrate my birthday. We made love that night. but on my birthday the next morning, there was tension between us and we had a shitty day. She talks to her roomie, she comes back and breaks up with me"

    ^wot happened then? there must've been a reason obviously...

    "I did the usual begging her to stay and found out 3 days later she got with her ex whom she's known for 6 years who returned to the city. "

    ^i see... but wasn't she supposed to move on since she was wid u? was she talkin wid him all this time when u were together?

    "She apparently always wanted him and fell for him behind my back during our struggles. "

    ^so unfortunately as it seems u were just a rebound for her... but sure thing's she cares about u as a friend at least judgin from wot she did on da first paragraph...

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    • I'm thinking that doing some grand romantic gesture for her after her fling with this guy obviously fails. (I mean, he's a 22 year old light skinned dude who thinks he's going to be a rapper. This is an inevitable fail.) And she chose him because he was her emotional tampon

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    • No. I just want to make the right approach because she's in a relationship. I could care less about the guy

    • ah ok then... well as i told u... better wait to see how'll it go...

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What Girls Said 2

  • I didn't read all of that, it's a wall of text.

    I recommend you don't surprise her. That could be taken soooo badly. She might feel intimidated and find it a bit stalkerish. Surprise text her, but don't surprise her in work!

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    • Not run up and be like hi, but just casually see her and go on about my business and maybe tell her there aren't any hard feelings on the way out.

    • That appears sooo staged. You're borderline stalking her, arranging to "accidentally on purpose" bump into her, then randomly say "no hard feelings" on the way out. You'd look super weird. Just text her.

    • I texted and she actually called after that

  • You are hanging on to dead wood. Forget her. She's gone. Like the wind.

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    • If you aren't willing to fight for it, you don't really want it. Funny thing is I'm not into chasing but still doing it on some level :(

    • She's got a, man. Respect that.

    • I've decided to give her a final goodbye and clear things up and then just disappear

What Guys Said 4

  • NOOOOO this had fail written all over it. you sound like a hopless romantic talking about "fate" and things like that just text her and ask her for a casual coffee or late date and talk things out

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    • I didn't believe in fate until I met her. Seriously. Not in a corny way. What are the odds of meeting someone that way and everything about them compliments you? Maybe I text her there's no hard feelings and then do some grand romantic gesture for her after they split. Emotional and naive as she is, she'd buy into that.

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    • I would open up with "look I know we had some bad shit in the past but It was so long ago and we've matured so we should lesave it behind " bang simple and done

    • I like it. Not too sobby and straight to the point. Thanks.

  • Not a good idea. Let it go and leave her alone. She has moved on. You have to accept that.

    Cry. Play games. Or even get drunk. But don't turn into a stalker.

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    • I'm not going to stalk her. I just want to stay relevant. How do I do that?

  • no, you should not in fact the only visiting you should be doing, is visiting the exit door, away from her. This relationship has bad news written all over it.

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    • Only thing that was wrong with it was she was emotional and I was insensitive too often.

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    • Yea, but... that's what marriage is right? XD

    • No, marriage is its own project, if you include that you'll have marriage plus a psychologically unstable wife.

  • Tldr

    Surprise visit at work? Never. I got shit to worry about there and i don't need to be thinking about my ex there.

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    • Text her instead? Been about 3 months

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