How to stick to my decision to break up with him?

We dated over the summer and things started to get a little serious. I had to end it yesterday because he was getting too clingy and I wanted my independence back. He took it really hard, but still didn't want to accept it.
Last night I drunkenly invited him over and things progressed. I shouldn't have invited him, and it made me feel really badly about myself the next day. We finally ended it today, and he's saying he won't stop loving me and wants to wait for me.
I can't handle hurting him like that, and he also agrees with me that we should just take some time away from each other. How do I stick to my decision and not talk to him? It's hard because we've talked every day, almost all day long.


0|0
107

Most Helpful Guy

  • Your question says one thing, and your description says another. I am not being critical, just trying to help you out- maybe you need to consider what breaking up means. I'll highlight some things for you to think about.
    "things started to get a little serious"
    "I wanted my independence back"
    "I can't handle hurting him like that"
    "How do I stick to my decision and not talk to him?"
    "he's saying he won't stop loving me and wants to wait for me."
    "he also agrees with me that we should just take some time away"

    A lot of times, we already have the answer to our own questions, or a means to an answer. It is a blessing in disguise really, because it means no one is dependent on the responses of random strangers on the internet. I see a lot more than the question in the title here, so I will give you a rundown, and lets see what you think?

    What is a breakup to you? To some people it means a total cutoff of communication. To others it is a simple as losing a title. A rare few go back to being friends or acquaintances, and many seem to think of it as a declaration of war.

    You also need to ask, "Why did I break up?". It sounds to me like he was overeager and wanted to move too fast. It seems as if you like him, but he is desynchronized with your pacing. Is breaking up really slowing down the relationship? Or just pausing it until it can resume back at its original speed/not at all? It also sounds like you might be slightly intimidated by his willingness to 'wait' to resume that speed.

    I am sorry that I offered more questions than you asked, but I hope they can get you thinking in the right direction. Also, it is common for people to have a cooling off period if they are talking 'every day, all day long'. Many younger couples do that, and some can keep it up, while others burn out. It might be wiser to slow it down, try to make conscious breaks in communication by answering and not checking again for some time. Don't avoid, just slow it down. If you want to spend time chatting, then take some time now and then to do it- just don't let it rule your life. Giving eachother space like that will do more for your relationship than being constantly attached, or constantly apart. If you guys can comfortably talk at night and open with "So what did you do today?" without actually knowing, then you might be going the right direction.

    Anyway, feel free to shoot me a message!

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • You both need this experience. Understand that it is actually a blessing. Sounds crazy, but even Buddhist monks would say you are both lucky. Why? Because life has given you the opportunity to see the other side of the coin. We can only appreciate the good because we know the bad exists. And, the better we know the bad, the more we value and cherish the good. You both will survive and grow from this. This hardship will help you both better navigate your futures.

    As for how to stick with your decision to end things, take a moment to watch/re-watch Disney's Pocahontas. Doesn't matter if you like Disney or not. This movie will inspire you to have the strength to choose and stay on the path that is right for you, even when others try to pull or push you in another direction.

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • focus day to day and not a couple days out. the pain will disappear and it will become normal again

    0|0
    0|0
  • You don't date someone just to have someone. You're going to hurt people if you keep doing that shit. Have some self respect and respect for those around you. Men are not objects, we're not handbags to have when you need us and thrown away when we're out of style or you're done with us; we're people too and we deserve the respect of being told you're either genuinely interested or that we should look for someone else because you're just going to use us.

    Wow I feel like a woman with this post.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hobbies, talk to old friends make new ones. Find someone else or if he is a nice guy an that's your only issue with him tell him. Communication is so under rated these days. So people just leave with out really seeing if just talking to him would get the point across

    0|0
    0|0
  • The way I see it, you don't deserve to be loved anyway. Hope your independence will accompany you until your old age.

    0|1
    0|0
  • you're gonna regret this. he really cares for you. do you have any idea how lucky you are? most your age are with abusive, lying, cheating psychos who did exactly what you're trying to do now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Life is short so live it up if you think you made the right choice.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 9

  • If you don't want to hurt him like that, then don't. I'm doing what he's doing to you right now - being in love with my ex and wanting to love him until he possibly could come back. It hurts every single minute of every single day. But I figure if he is completely cutting me off because he cares enough to know we could never be just friends, or on again off again, I guess it hurts a little less. If you care about him I say be direct and honest with him that you will not be changing your mind. As much as that's a knife to the heart, it's a lot better than leading someone on and continually re-breaking their heart.

    0|0
    0|0
  • delete everything you have for him and then block it all too... it is reversible should you want it to be. just hide his number somewhere difficult to get to so you have to really put in the effort to message him. You will rethink it by the time you obtain the number and so you will be ok :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe just turn your phone off and spend an entire day or weekend alone... You shouldn't be afraid of being alone... Give him a chance to see he can live a day without you

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say consider yourself lucky. Lots of us women don't have guys who want to be with us unless we give them money or let them drive our cars, my mos recent situation, but if you feel in your heart that you don't want to be with him then I suggest no contact, block him from everything, social media, phone. Don't talk to him, unfortunately you're gonna have to hurt him.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I think it is harder. To be the one to break up you breakup with your hopes and dreams on top of that you are hurting someone and ya they are being nice on top of that you need to trust your gut did you tell him why maybe give him one more chance i must say though it seems to me whoever you date may be daddy to your kids so be someone choosy

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you really wanted to be with him the you wouldn't break up with him because he was too "clingy " or because you missed your independence. You're only talking to him because you're used to it. Because to some extent we all know it feels good to have someone there, and not feel too lonely. Maybe you've just been talking to him our of a habit or selfishness. But simply stop because he's only going to keep on getting his hopes up. And you're going to hurt him more.

    0|0
    0|0
  • why do you want to get rid of a guy who loves you and putting your needs before him?
    you keep pushing people and one day you will have only your independence and no love.

    3|5
    1|0
  • you're gonna need a lot of willpower and some friends you can talk to.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Listen to your heart. If you know this is right for you then stick to it!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;