We dated over the summer and things started to get a little serious. I had to end it yesterday because he was getting too clingy and I wanted my independence back. He took it really hard, but still didn't want to accept it.
Last night I drunkenly invited him over and things progressed. I shouldn't have invited him, and it made me feel really badly about myself the next day. We finally ended it today, and he's saying he won't stop loving me and wants to wait for me.
I can't handle hurting him like that, and he also agrees with me that we should just take some time away from each other. How do I stick to my decision and not talk to him? It's hard because we've talked every day, almost all day long.
Most Helpful Guy
Your question says one thing, and your description says another. I am not being critical, just trying to help you out- maybe you need to consider what breaking up means. I'll highlight some things for you to think about.
"things started to get a little serious"
"I wanted my independence back"
"I can't handle hurting him like that"
"How do I stick to my decision and not talk to him?"
"he's saying he won't stop loving me and wants to wait for me."
"he also agrees with me that we should just take some time away"
A lot of times, we already have the answer to our own questions, or a means to an answer. It is a blessing in disguise really, because it means no one is dependent on the responses of random strangers on the internet. I see a lot more than the question in the title here, so I will give you a rundown, and lets see what you think?
What is a breakup to you? To some people it means a total cutoff of communication. To others it is a simple as losing a title. A rare few go back to being friends or acquaintances, and many seem to think of it as a declaration of war.
You also need to ask, "Why did I break up?". It sounds to me like he was overeager and wanted to move too fast. It seems as if you like him, but he is desynchronized with your pacing. Is breaking up really slowing down the relationship? Or just pausing it until it can resume back at its original speed/not at all? It also sounds like you might be slightly intimidated by his willingness to 'wait' to resume that speed.
I am sorry that I offered more questions than you asked, but I hope they can get you thinking in the right direction. Also, it is common for people to have a cooling off period if they are talking 'every day, all day long'. Many younger couples do that, and some can keep it up, while others burn out. It might be wiser to slow it down, try to make conscious breaks in communication by answering and not checking again for some time. Don't avoid, just slow it down. If you want to spend time chatting, then take some time now and then to do it- just don't let it rule your life. Giving eachother space like that will do more for your relationship than being constantly attached, or constantly apart. If you guys can comfortably talk at night and open with "So what did you do today?" without actually knowing, then you might be going the right direction.
Anyway, feel free to shoot me a message!1
Most Helpful Girl
You both need this experience. Understand that it is actually a blessing. Sounds crazy, but even Buddhist monks would say you are both lucky. Why? Because life has given you the opportunity to see the other side of the coin. We can only appreciate the good because we know the bad exists. And, the better we know the bad, the more we value and cherish the good. You both will survive and grow from this. This hardship will help you both better navigate your futures.
As for how to stick with your decision to end things, take a moment to watch/re-watch Disney's Pocahontas. Doesn't matter if you like Disney or not. This movie will inspire you to have the strength to choose and stay on the path that is right for you, even when others try to pull or push you in another direction.0