Most Helpful Guy
Well, you've got to let go of all that negativity. You're the only one hurting and it sounds totally self-inflicted.
Fill your life with positivity. Take a class, make art, volunteer, travel, meet a new guy. Occupy your thoughts and feelings with exploration and novelty.
Since you posted this anonymously, I wish you had said what country you're talking about. :) I'm very curious. I'd like to know what this "fucked" country is. I can think of a few candidates.
Good luck on your journey.
Most Helpful Girl
LDR are One of the Hardest to Have and to Uphold of Any here, dear. I. for one, can tell you probably the best from the rest on here because as I write this, I still have a husband out in Egypt whom I have Not seen in a few years, not due so much as his country being 'Poor' But... Dangerous. It has gotten worse since I was last there...
He found someone closer to home and to his heart and knowing Now what you do Know, slowly lick your war wounds and go on from there. No contact is the best baby step in trying to forget and No contact at all, is also a sure bet.
'Next year' is a long ways off and a lot can happen from now until then. Hopefully by Then, you would have moved on, heart included, and make sure even if you run into him, you don't ever wear your heart on your sleeve again.
Good luck. xx