So after several months of dating, my guy started having reservations about us and wasn't sure if he wanted to continue seeing me. Well, I figure since he was unsure about us so soon, that the best thing was to end it (to avoid getting hurt later). He asked if we would ever see one another again and I asked what was the point and that it wasn't realistic. Since then, he has been emailing me. How does he expect me to turn off my feelings and not be hurt and be all the sudden platonic friends?! It hurts so bad and I just don't understand how he doesn't think his actions are hurting me. Does he feel bad/guilty for breaking things off? I've never had this happen before. Usually when relationships end, I don't hear from them - it's a clean break. Why does he want to hang on when there's no future? Some people think it's because he's looking for friendship + benefits. If that is the case, that angers me. He knows I loved him and knows what I'm looking for - what makes him think that I would settle for less?
Most Helpful Girl
I can completely empathize with you. It's rough. The whole mess leaves you absolutely puzzled and it's kinda' disturbing in a way. Quite clearly he feels inadequate about himself which thus comes out in the "I don't think we are compatible" crap. ( Bust out the DSM4 and look up anxiety disorders.)
Reason why he hangs on is because he does have some feelings for you although they may be mixed. He feels like he cannot give you what you want in life. More than likely he also may feel that if he does give you something, say an emotion or two, that it won't be good enough. He's clearly been traumatized by a past relationship and carries it out into the relationship you share with him.
I wouldn't say he's cruel or clueless... he thinks too much and worries about the bad things that could happen. But that's a part of growing and learning with someone. You get to know them... their faults, their merits and things that p*ss 'em off :-D However, he kind of wants to live in a fantasy world where there is this "perfect" relationship. Do ballerinas with fins exist? Nope.
What this comes down to, and I have to agree with KK, is that you need to cut ties with him and move aggressively forward to save yourself from potential psychological damage. He has his and let him work it out himself. You don't need him to drag you down thinking about this very sort of thing. That's why we are here =)1