My boyfriend and I broke up, we both still really like each other, he initaiated it first because he knew that I wasn't happy with how things were going. Later her called me to say that he regretted it and asked me for another chance, but I decided not to as I felt that all the problems would repeat itself and I would get hurt.
After no contact for nealy a month, we ended up talking as I wanted to see how he was. He feeling pretty down and looks like he's in a dark place. He said that he had no motivation to do anything. I asked him to get a job, and to find something he enjoys doing, or go back to his plans of being an apprentice, and do what he wants. But he said that he wants me.
I am worried about him, as I feel that if he doesn't start doing something soon, his future would be difficult and not very bright. He is 4 years older than I am, he's turning 24 this month and for that reason, my parents tried to convince me to find someone else, as he 'doesn't have ambition and is lazy or only does what he wants', and that he doesn't suit me. Our life style is really different I am still a student and working, we live pretty far from each other, and he hasn't had a job for a while. A lot of places won't hire him as he 'doesn't have experience or isn't qualified'.
I feel bad for hurting him, I still care about him. I didn't mean to lead him on, I really did like him at the time, but after seeing some things and getting advice, I thought that maybe I shouldn't be with him. Sometimes communication was also hard, and we had a lot of fights. My mum told me that fights are normal, but each time it just hurt a lot. A number of times we nearly broke up, but I tried to hold onto it. He did too. We didn't want it to end, but deep down, we probably both knew that it wouldn't work.
There are a lot of times when I want to message him and hear his voice, but it would probably make things worse and hurt us both. What should I do? I want him to be happy and to have a good future.
I think we're both hurt quite a lot, but I think he's in a worse condition and he really thought that I was the one for him, and still does. But he's doing this and holding back for my sake.
Most Helpful Guy
You cannot make someone else happy. It sounds as if he was unhappy before he became involved with you. This means that you have no responsibility for his unhappiness and you also have no capacity to fix him.
Experience will teach you that you leave relationships because of your partners problems (and some will leave you because of your problems) and you must simply leave your partner in their state of "disrepair" and trust that they will take care of themselves. If they don't, that is your choice. If you choose to return to help them,
1. you won't be able to change them,
2. you will get sucked back into the same relationship that didn't work the first time around, and
3. you will begin to stagnate. You can't pull them up. . . but they can pull you down.
This is a sad realization to make but it reflects a true understanding of human nature, Your ex may choose to never do anything to make himself a better person. That's sad, but you can't change it; all you can do is move on and take care of yourself.
Most Helpful Girl
You mention in the first paragraph that the pattern would repeat itself, and then you contact him to see how he's doing? Did you contact him to get confirmation from him that he still wanted you?
I agree with the other posters that you just need to leave him to get on with life and to figure out where he is going. He can't put all his eggs in one basket (your relationship) because he no motivation to change. He had no motivation to find a job when you were together and he is still in the same boat. It appears some sort of pattern is already in place.0
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