If I stay clear and don't contact him, will this help?

I have been talking to this guy for nearly a year. We met through a mutual friend and then later started to see each other. He had just gotten out of a relationship so after a month or so, asked for time to get his head straight. I was happy to give it. He told me maybe we could date later. We did, a couple months later hung out and then went on a really great date, we both raved about our time together. Then..nothing. We would talk and text each other, made a few weak attempts to get together, but didn't see each other until his friends invited me to their Halloween party. It was awesome again. After that, especially the past month or so, we have still not gotten together because he has always made it clear he doesn't want a relationship right now, but things started changing, we were getting closer and I noticed his behavior changed. he didn't try to booty call me (I never do that) and he started talking about what if we were a couple, and saying things that we should do and he wanted to spend my upcoming birthday with me, etc. He was the first to call and wish me Happy New Year, and then the next night I got a text, lots of ! that he wanted to try being together. I thought maybe we would see each other more, but this took me off guard and though I would love a relationship with him..I was a bit stressed by it.

Two days later we talked about it and he ended up pretty much taking it back, saying he shouldn't be in a relationship. Then he said he was feeling selfish and maybe we shouldn't talk anymore becuase he can't give me a relationship. Talking so much, all of this blurred together for me. He said he can't be my friend because he's too attracted to me and he couldn't just hang out. That was why he didn't want to hang out much, it would be for sure a relationship if we did. And then the bomb dropped..he apparently still has feelings for his ex from college, like 3 years ago, and it is holding him back.


I obviously have strong feelings and really want him in my life as a friend and lover. Is this situation seriously doomed? Will he ever get clarity? He seems extremely confused. I mean, were have a very strong attraction and connection and can talk for hours and have kept whatever it is we have going for nearly a year. Is he going to forget about me? I told him he needs to contact his ex and figure things out either way. He always says not right now..someday..to me. I'm not going to wait anymore. And we are not talking right now, we agreed.

I guess I'm asking if you guys think he did feel enough to figure things out and come back to me if he resolves things with his ex and they don't get back together (I know she lives across the country and I think she actually might have gotten engaged recently). If I stay clear and don't contact him, will this help? I'm really in love with him and I want things to work out with him and I in the long run.


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  • I think the best thing you can do is back far away from him. I definitely wouldn't count on him ever returning but if he does, that's great. I also do not believe it is "seriously doomed." I seem to always get my hopes up that not pressuring a guy and giving him his space will make him appreciate and want me more and it ever works that way. He did give you a genuine reason, so he has issues he needs to work out. If she is with someone else, it still won't be time, although he may come back to you. Then you'd just be a rebound. It seems as though he cares about you a great deal. I have pushed a potential partner away because I never thought I could replace feelings for my ex, then all of sudden this one guy was leading me to do that, so I got scared as heck!

    P.S. I am not a guy. LOL


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