After a breakup, they've completely changed. Has anyone else gone through this?

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We were fighting and he ended the relationship. There were a lot of good things there too so with time apart we started talking again, then seeing each other, to slowly dating. He said things moved too fast too soon and he is uncomfortable with that. He has to be sure that this is something that can work while he's getting his doctorate. The thing is he's not the same and I don't mean in the fact that we aren't in a relationship right now. I mean as a person. He seems disconnected, distant in communicating. He gives me a lot of mixed signals and I'm starting to feel like his yoyo. That is something I never expected from him. He has always been very open, honest, loving, and kind. He has a guard up and he treats his friends better than he does me. It's like our relationship never meant anything or he doesn't like me even as a person. It makes me feel bad and I don't know what's going on.


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  • He's protecting himself. He was hurt just as you were. He's trying to see if there is something still there without getting too invested in case there isn't.

    • Thank you responding. I have to agree with you. I've been so hurt and trying to work through this for the past 3 months. It's not getting any better. He's pushing me away and I think he knows that. He is taking some time right now. Things just got a little intense.

  • You need to tell him everything that you just told us.

    I've never gone through this, but it does seem like it makes you uncomfortable. For that reason, you need to confront him or you'll just be setting yourselves up for failure again.

    Tell him that you feel like he's changed. Tell him you miss the old him. Ask him if something is wrong, if he wants to talk about it.

    If he doesn't go back to being himself, the relationship will go no where. Give him some time if he needs it. He will come back when he's adjusted and ready. Let him know that you will always be there for him.

    • Thank you for responding. I've told him. I don't know if he doesn't want to be the bad guy or what he is thinking. He doesn't think he has changed. He thinks I miss "boyfriend Ryan" and yes of course I do but there's other things I've noticed about the way he treats me and he'll say I've been open and honest about this and I need to make sure this could be something that can work. That he can't have any stress while in his doctorate. He said he cares about me but he is uncomfortable with certain things, such as things moving too fast. Right now he's taking sometime. Things have built up and got intense with both of us.

    • Of course. And that makes a lot of sense, he's stressing about other things. Everything is a little overwhelming for him at the moment. Once he gets some time to himself, things should work out! Good luck with everything :)

    • Thank you!

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