I can't be friends with my ex anymore. I figured to walk away and see what future holds, if he misses me he will come back?

We broke up 7 months ago and up until now we've been on and off with the friendship thing. I try to walk away but he always makes me change my mind and keep hanging out with him. I guess the reason I stayed is because I'm still his "special" girl and his only friend as a matter of fact, he has no friends. But he has a fuck buddy. It's some girl from his class that has sex with him and 3 other guys occasionally, she is practically a slut. My ex says he is happy with it because he doesn't want a relationship at all right now. He basically dumped me so he doesn't need to commit. He said he could have a casual relationship with me too but that he is not sure if I would be okay with it (which of course I'm not). He also said he loves me and that he thinks that sometime in the future he will be ready to commit to me, but not right now. I had enough of this bullshit, I don't feel comfortable, I think he is stupid as fuck and blind. This is not the guy I fell in love with, I don't recognize him being this immature. He is 25 and he is going backwards with his life. He left a good thing (us) for the party life and sluts, but still wants me to be there haha. I tried getting him back, but I realized that that's not gonna happen as long as I am there giving in to him. I want to leave and tell him that I'm not comfortable with being friends and that I want to keep my dignity. He never got a chance to miss me because I was always there for him. Well, no more. I know there are really slim chances that he will want me back, more likely he will find something else to do and forget about me, but that's okay because I'm gonna do the same. If he changes his mind he knows where to find me. I gonna tell him this today with the smile on my face. What do you think?

P. S. We were in a LDR for almost 4 years. I'm moving there next year, with or without him.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to move on from that guy, right now. I've been in a similar situation, I almost ruined my life because of this guy I dated for 10 years, who then dumped me and wanted to be friends. As weak as I was, I fell for that and it was a slow death to me. I wish I knew better and I remember people telling me what I'm telling you right now, but I just didn't want to stop having contact with him. But I assure you: once you do, it will feel bad for a while but you will get over it and survive, being as happy as ever! Delete his number, facebook, unfollow him in whatever social media you have, delete his pictures, put away everything that reminds you of him. Basically, pretend he doesn't exist and move on with your life. You will be so grateful that you did it, I promise.

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What Girls Said 4

  • To be honest, it sounds like you are better off without him.

    I don't understand people who leave a good thing and think they can just come back to it someday, as if you will still be available. How is he so sure you won't get snapped up by some other guy who has his sense about him?

    I personally would prefer to be with a guy who saw my value and wouldn't chance it by throwing me back into the dating pool. I started to feel this way after my ex cheated on me. If a person is willing to lose you, then they must not love you all that much. To me it makes sense.

    Sure, we all make mistakes. But then it wouldn't be long before he realized that. But he thinks he can just come back, after leaving you like that? No, I wouldn't put up with that.

    Here's what you do. You go out, start hanging out with your friends. Have lots of fun, work on yourself, do things that make you happy. Get a hair cut, get some new clothes, go on lots of dates. See what your options are. Stop talking to this guy and let him go live his party life.

    He may notice, he may not. But the good thing is you will be too busy to care about what this chump is doing. It's totally okay if he truly doesn't want to be with you. But by the sounds of it he thinks you don't have other options (which seems really narcissistic of him to think that way!).

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  • You've already figured it out yourself, and it's a very good thing that you're able to understand that on your own, your worth a lot more than that! :)
    And yes, I think he will continue to string you along as a friend, saying he "might be with you in the future", because that way he thinks you will continue being there for him.
    You should definitely tell him in a kind way that you don't want to hang out with him anymore, and cut contact.
    Either he will miss you dearly, or you will benefit from moving on.
    Wish you lots of luck :)

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  • id say give him space, he doesn't seem to respect u and u deserve better !!!

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  • Good for you, empowerment women. Girls rule, so when you calm down and realize u had just as much to do with it as he did, and then you miss him. Then what?

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    • Well I know it's my fault. It's totally my fault actually. He gave me a chance to leave many times by saying "if that's what you want..." even though he would start justifying himself. I always change my mind when I start missing him and then here we go again. But this time is different, I really don't wanna do stuff with him, it's not fun anymore. I think it's a good opportunity to run!

    • Then do so, go with your gut, not your heart.

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