My live-in boyfriend moved out and now I'm so depressed and lonely, I've become suicidal, how do I move on?

My ex-bf and I have been friends for about 8 years, since our sophomore year in college, ever since he has been my best friend. I never considered dating him bc I had no idea he liked me, well long story short, I am a single mom, got dumped by my ex-fiance, have been raising my daughter alone ever since. My best friend has always been there for me, he helped me move out, helped me with my daughter and my depression from being a single mom, he has always been there for me. Finally I decided I should give him a chance bc we were always around each other and my daughter loved him, I learned to love him too. After officially dating for over a year, we decided to move in together this July. We have a beautiful home together where I am now closer to my job (I had a pretty long commute) and my daughter switched daycares. I'm practically on my own in this town, so this was a pretty big deal to me, finally having support, a boyfriend that loved me and my daughter and who talked a big game about marriage, adopting my daughter, having more kids, we even talked about how to transition my daughter to start calling him dad.

Well the inevitable happened, he stopped coming home after work, always something for example: work issues, friends having issues, friends trying to commit suicide and he had to spend the night with him, his mom needed him to work on stuff (at 2 am in the morning!!!), always fantastical stories that I frankly stopped believing soon enough. This started all pretty much as soon as we moved in. I tried to remain calm and be understanding but eventually it became too much, I was feeling even lonelier than when I lived alone with my daughter. My girl and I started doing doings by ourselves, dinners on our own, I had to keep telling her he was working or at the gym when she asked for him and eventually he didn't even come home one night and didn't even had the decency to let me know! Continued..

I finally told him that I had enough and I felt I deserved more. I was tired of asking him to be reliable, I am so depressed bc I thought he was the one, he sold me on this idea that he was ready for a family and now he wanted out, he swears he loves me, but I'm not sure I believe him, I haven't heard from him since we broke up even after I reached out to him because I was so distraught, I was having suicidal thoughts and he never responded to check on me as a friend. I need advice!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I am glad that you know that you don't deserve it and truly you don't.

    I know how you feel - the suicidal thoughts. I became so depressed after being left by my ex and I couldn't live properly for a few months. It was terrible and so I understand how you must feel.

    I think really you should not even try to talk to him. I have done this - I always texted my ex because I thought we were close, that I could go to him with my issues and my suicidal thoughts but it only scared him more away from me. Now he is totally out of my life.

    I truly suggest to try so hard to discipline yourself. Don't talk to him, don't tell him what is happening to you - because chances are he may start to not even care and thats the worst feeling ever.

    I know it is destructive but I went out and I met a guy and I had sex with him - it was decent, we got to know each other, had dinner together and spoke for hours through the night. I think maybe this could help you a bit. I know that it helped me get over my ex pretty well.

    You can always message me if you need someone to talk to - I know I am a stranger but I don't want someone else to ever be in the situation i was once in.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I had been so desperate for advice since my ex was usually the one I would go to when I was down. He was my best friend before we decided to date. I'm trying not to rebound with a man, but a part of me almost feels like I am in need of something fun, just flirting or whatever to make me feel like I'm still attractive and worthy of a relationship. I'm also trying to not date seriously anymore or at all, b/c it's scary. I've been left twice, once while pregnant and now with my daughter, it sucks.

      I started therapy and also some medication, along with just concentrating on spending most of my time with my daughter, working hard at my job, and also school since I'm still working on my masters. I think I'm gonna be ok, it's just taking me a while to get used to living alone with my baby again.

    • That is amazing!!

      I know it is hard but trust me you will look back and feel so strong. You're doing wonderful :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you should take time out for you and your daughter and work on you without a man. Once you have yourself ready then you can be ready for that special man. The only reason I think it's best because your daughter hurts too.
    I'm not sure if y'all got into an argument and he started to disappear or what it was.

    • Thanks! Yeah, I have no desire to date anyone right now and I'm in no rush to settle. I'm only 27, I think i have time. I date this guy because he was my best friend and had always been around me and my daughter. I asked him if he was ready for a family and he said yes, we were doing great until we moved in and suddenly he was never home, he showed up late and had excuse after excuse. My daughter and I were always home alone. He basically told me he needed his social life and to hang out with his friends. I got tired of him never coming home so I broke up with him bc I know my baby and I need someone who actually wants to be around us.

  • Actually you should not feel bad about him coming home late. It can happen. And you should apologize and try to make it up with him. He was doing all he can but he might have snapped under pressure. Work can be tiring sometimes.

  • You need therapy very badly, also try to find some friends in this town.

    • Remember your daughter loves you even if your boyfriend did not.

    • I totally agree with this guy

    • Thank you for your opinions! I recently started therapy and my first two sessions helped me tremendously. I am also about to start taking an antidepressant along with the zoloft I'm currently on. I've never been to therapy or medication, but I just need a little help getting through. I've been better these last few days, thanks!

  • well there's pills for that


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