Why does every guy let me down?

I give so much to them, I'm so nice and affectionate to them, I always give time to them, I won't see other people. I literally give them my all and they just go, all of them. I actually think I'll be single forever because so far, guys have just proved themselves to not be worth my efforts. They'll chase me initially but after a while I'm the one who seems more interested. They eventually just disappear. Even the nicest ones.
What is wrong with me? Why does nobody want me? Everybody gets bored of me, every single one of them. They think I'm beautiful, nice, funny... All of these things but still they go away! They make me feel like I'm so close to being happy with someone, to finally having a boyfriend then they all turn out the same. These are genuinely nice guys too :( I'm just here crying now because literally, my heart can't take much more. I've already give so much of it away.

Updates:
I am such a prat. I let myself down haha, this one guy didn't.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's because you expect it. It's because you feel that you are not good enough. You second guess yourself. You worry too much about what others think of you. We all here have accepted you are kind, beautiful, funny and smart but YOU have not. Have you discussed this with your Aunt? The blonde one?

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    • Thank you :) no not yet :( I might just be overthinking the same situation tbf

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    • Thank you :) ❤️

    • Always Lex

Most Helpful Girl

  • Aww :( What happened with that guy you were you talking about meeting and going on a date with?

    There is nothing wrong with you. You're a beautiful girl and from what I can tell on here, you have a very sweet personality. You won't be single forever, it only feels like that now because you're hurting. Don't give up on guys completely just because of your bad experiences, all guys aren't the same. So things didn't work out with some of them, there are other guys out there. You just have to be strong and be able to pick yourself back up. Don't attach your value or self-worth to these men, just because a relationship hasn't happened with any of them does NOT mean there's something wrong with you.

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    • Thank you HoneyBee :( you know what you're right. I need to become stronger and find happiness in myself because literally, I rely on these guys to make me feel good sometimes :/
      I'm probably being really petty to be fair but I've explained in anons post. He's also added a pretty girl on Facebook recently who works at his place, she has a boyfriend but I don't know, I have it in my head that he's been messaging her since he's recently been on Facebook today which is unusual for him and he hasn't been messaging me

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    • Thank you for MH! I really hope all goes well and he goes back to his normal self :)

    • Thanks, me too :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 28

  • Awww I am sorry to hear you have had such bad luck with guys. :( Have you ever thought maybe you are too nice, yes there is a thing as being too nice. By this I am not saying you should stop being nice to guys and start being mean but if you're not sticking up for yourself sadly many people in life in general will take advantage of you. You need to speak up when a guy is not treating you right. You can do this while being a nice girl. This is something I have learnt about girls, I feel exactly the same way you do about girls that they have proved to not be worth my efforts then I realised I am being too nice to girls and letting myself get used by girls. I am not mean to girls now but if a girl does not treat me right I will defend and stick up for myself. Also you need to learn to love yourself, which is what @xHoneyxBeex said to, if you don't love yourself you will find it hard in the dating world. This is also something I am working on. Remember not all us guys are like this, that is what I have to remember about girls. I also feel I have given so much away to girls to and they have just used me. :( In all honesty I actually think you're a very pretty young woman.

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    • Thank you :)
      Aw I'm sorry to hear about your situation too

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    • Thank you so much :)

    • Your welcome and I have noticed you have posted a few questions about how you look. Honestly, try to love yourself because you are very pretty and attractive.

  • I think you need to stop with the 'ill be single forever based on what happens at 19'. No one is looking for the forever person at 19 and frankly you haven't even grown up yet. By the time you are 25 you will realize everything you care about at 19 was BS.

    Besides the guys you are dating aren't grown up yet either. What makes a fun date at 19 isn't a good person to hitch your wagon to for a lifetime.

    Relax, ride the merry go round longer. People aren't adults until at least 25. If you are still single at 30 then start to worry. Your are in the 'try on a bunch of different people' phase of life. Rarely does someone meet their life partner at 19. Please.

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    • I've met immature 26 year old men

    • @iamyourneighbor There are immature 40 year old men. I'm just saying in 'general'. Learn to appreciate gereralizations vs absolutes. I didn't mean all, I meant in general people are more of an adult at 25 then they are at 19.

  • I realize that there's something amiss about your date. If ok with you I'd like to know what exactly transpired and the aftermath as you perceive it if ok with you.

    I do see your comments on the opinions but it doesn't paint the full picture :)

    Wasn't the date yesterday?

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    • Oh no it's next week :)

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    • Thank you! :D ❤️

    • You're welcome beautiful young lady and with pleasure that is all mine at that :)

  • You are losing your identity in an attempted relationship, that is why. You are the one that disappears.

    Men want a woman who is her own self. She must have other interests and friends. If you don't have your own opinions and interests, then he can do just as well with a mirror.

    Forget relationships right now. You are not ready for them. Date many different kids of guys, but not in seeking a relationship, but in seeking to know yourself.

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  • Your a sweet girl and i think you may need to give it time, your only 19 heck i haven't been in love for 12 years now since my last girlfriend so that is bad for me but i wish you well i think your meeting guys who want ask too much of you and it makes you feel overwhelmed but i could be wrong.

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  • ever heard the saying The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long you need to learn to take things slow and be more independent do your own thing but make time for your SO they should only add to your happiness not be your happiness if you keep doing the same thing but expect different results that's the definition of insanity try to do things a different way

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    • I don't think I can stop myself though :( I fall so easily

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    • I guess I just want a boyfriend lol

    • you're thinking and trying way to hard you need to just let it happen fight those urges because that is whats going to mess you up

  • I'm sorry to hear that, there's nothing wrong with you, I think you just might be expecting and giving to much of yourself to soon. Chin up there's something out there for everyone it just takes time and patience.

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  • You are really beautiful. I would say you just haven't meant the right person yet. People break up all the time. You are probably doing nothing wrong, you just haven't met a guy that truly wants to settle yet.

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    • Thank you :) you're probably right

  • Let me guess... your date went sour? :/

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    • It's next week :/
      I explained in anons post what happened :( I'm probably being really petty but then I'm probably right too

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    • They chase me then I end up chasing them, it always goes this way :( they get bored then I get too clingy

    • If you haven't chased this one yet... just text him tomorrow around 11:40 am almost to lunch time and ask him "hey, what are you up to"?

      If he replies with just and answer to your question and not a mutual question back to you... chances are he may not be interested. Yet, if he keeps the conversation going he's obviously still interested. If he just replies with an answer (or doesn't reply at all, through the day) just leave it alone.

  • well from the tone of the question you seem like the kinda girl that becomes extremely clingy... work on not giving them your all just treat them as a person you know and have sex with and also like hanging around.

    Girls that have this notion of " OH MY GOD HE'S MY SOULMATE" type are usually the ones who guys avoid. They have unrealistic expetactation of us men and then we end up leaving because of the constant clingyness

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  • It seemed like you tought the same way I did sometime, I'm always trying to find reasons so I often fall into negative feelings, I just like not think that much like now

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  • I can't answer the question without details, really.

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  • Girls can also suffer from "nice person rejection" its not only a guy dilemma...

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  • Keep your head up & smile... The best advice in the world is to not take any advice seriously... Always think with your mind and your heart that's why everyone has their own... Be yourself & do what you feel... Lifes a bitch & it's too short...

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  • dear
    Don't get angry if the balloon explodes in your face, you're puff it and gave it the largest of its size

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  • Everyone of everything has social value in this world

    I know it's mean but it's true, maybe your with guys that are easily liked by women... the hot type? So guys like that will need more from women to keep them in a stable relationship

    Are you willing to go a guy that feels less attractive then you for example as long as you like his personality?

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    • The biggest issues in relationships is right match making

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    • Average guys who aren't considered that attractive by my friends lol

    • Might be the nice girl issue... sometimes, actually a lot of the times guys will say they want the nice girl BUT in reality people, are bored and need action lol

      Controversy sells, sadly lol

  • you'll be fine in the end Alex! I promise you!

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  • Things like that happen to everyone, all I can say is that you are not alone.

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  • Ask them about it. Because honestly , it does seem like there is something wrong with you that is pushing them away.

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  • go for a ugly person. hell appreciate you moar

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  • I guess they are not into you

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    • Thanks Mr obvious

    • No need to thank me, I can't give a definite answer because I'm always rejected from girls as much as I wanted to help :(

  • Must not be putting out or being used.

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  • I feel the same way, only with girls. I too am nice and affectionate and they will tell me all kinds of sweet things. They used to seek me out and want to talk to me, share things with me, have real conversations. It will feel like we are connecting and it will feel like I'm finally getting somewhere because they'll act interested. And then all the sudden, they are dating some kind of flashy "bad boy". It's crushing. I don't know what to do either, because these have all been girls I've had at least something in common with, that I'm able to talk to. It's not like I'm just going for someone based on looks but that we have nothing to talk about. These are people I find interesting, passionate, alive, who would inspire me. But I'm never good enough.

    And what's worse, it's not like the guys they are going out with are celebrities, professional athletes, race car drivers, scientists, inventors, fighter pilots, and rock stars. They're not incredibly talented, ambitious, or fascinating people. They're just regular guys that work regular day jobs. They're no better than me, in fact in some cases a whole lot worse. It only adds insult to injury.

    All those things you said about them seeming interested at first, saying all the nice things, and making you feel like you're getting close to being happy with someone who would have been really great, only for them to get further and further away, my experience has been exactly the same. I too wonder what's wrong with me for this to keep happening, even with girls that I had a good rapport with. And they too are also decent girls, with a sweet side. Sometimes it feels like I'm cursed to be single forever, because I didn't learn how to flirt and be interesting at an early age so I wasn't prepared when I met the girls I wanted to date. Or that fate just likes screwing with me. I don't know.

    Just wanted to say I get where you're coming from.

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  • You are simply too good for them. You can do way better.

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  • I get a feeling you're a bit clingy and pretty easy to catch hold off.

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    • What do you mean by the last part?

  • Nice guys don't leave you crying. You go after the wrong bruhs, even if that's not what you think. Take some time to regroup and think about your approach, it sounds as if they chase you but you don't reciprocate so they lose interest, then you get interested and they feel like they're getting mixed signals off you and they can't be arsed with that.

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  • Everyone I have ever depended on has let me down. So I simply stopped depending on other people.

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  • The big guy you were talking to let you down?

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    • Well I'm not sure yet. It seems it, he says he thinks about me 24/7 and for nearly two months he has shown that. Messaging me every chance he gets. He hasn't messaged me all day since 12pm, it's nearly 11 at night now, he'll have gone to bed. He's been talking to other people still so I'm pretty sure he's lost interest. It may sound like nothing but trust me, it is so out of character.

    • Give it some more time.

    • Y'all have a date coming up next week? See how that goes.

What Girls Said 12

  • Based on the small bits I've heard from you I think you get way too emotionally invested in the relationship too soon. This could actually be scaring the guys away.
    You're only 19. You have pleeeeeenty of time. Just enjoy the relationships for what they are at this point, which is most likely just fun.
    When you find the right guy you'll know it's time to get more serious.

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    • I do :( but they do too initially, like the guy I like told me he only has eyes for me, that he wants to be with me :( but even he has starting to lose interest, I can see it happening
      Yeah I should :) it's just hard though because I literally can't stop myself from falling :(

    • Okay, beware of sweet talking men. Especially if it's really soon. They just want to sleep with you.
      I'm the same way as you. It's hard. Sorry love!😞

    • It's okay :) I'll try to be strong ❤️ I hate how bloody fragile and romantic I am sometimes haha

  • Oh dear, you are like me... one of those girls who love too deep. Either way, it is said that in every relationship, there is always going to one person who loves the other more. I love sucks right now but you are gonna meet someone nice soon. Those may have been nice guys but not exactly your type.

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  • I have learned long ago that boys fucking suck and I don't need them to tell me who i am as a person or to comfort me at night. Also, if a person doesn't desire me I always make it VERY very clear that they can leave at any point and in no way will i get offended or take it personally on our friendship.
    To be honest with you, I don't need anyone to make me feel comforted at night. I just need myself XD

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    • I wish that I could be like that :/

  • "I'm just here crying now because literally, my heart can't take much more. I've already give so much of it away. "

    I think what to need to do is care for yourself first. Make yourself your top priority instead of the guus you pursue. Do what makes you happy and BE happy. Learn to like your own company. Because you could be coming off as needy or they can sense your insecurities or clingy-ness (if you are).

    When your really happy by yourself, finding a guy to be happy with won't hurt so much. It hurts because your putting your self worth on how much guys want you.

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  • I want to know the same thing because it's pissin' me off. Maybe we invest too much into them, and should realize that they're not worth it from the get go until they prove they're worth it.

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  • I see why you're sad but you don't have to be. Keep your head up. If a guy really wants you and means what he says he'll let his actions prove it. You dont have to expect so much from every guy its not going to work out with every guy, and you also don't have to be giving them your all. Let things happen, talk to them have fun. But just that. Just keep your mindset on having fun and if it doesn't work with them then move on. You'll be glad one day that it didn't work with any of them. Be happy and just have fun

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  • Stop distancing yourself so much.

    You basically just wait for guys to approach you and then you're disappointed when they lose interest. You gotta chase back! Make *them* feel desired, too. Seems like lots of women are forgetting this. Don't make the guy do all the work.

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    • Just approach a guy, perhaps some of the guys weren't aware that you liked them.

  • I'm really sorry that it didn't work out. May I ask what went wrong exactly? From what you describes he seemed to genuinely like you.

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    • Haha we are fine now, turns out that I completely overreacted

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    • And the same to you! 😊 thank you!

    • Thank you too :D

  • Expectations?

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    • All I expect is for them to be there for me :( like I am for them. Like they say they will

    • Relationships have to be balanced. If you are the one doing all the work and putting in the effort they eventually lose respect for you. It's a give and take.

    • She's not talking about being in a relationship I believe she's talking about dating

  • I feel you! I'm in the same situation :/

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  • dont worry so much about guys. try to do more important things with your life.

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  • Maybe they just are looking for sex and when you don't give it to them they let you down. I learned not to waste my time on men anymore. Most men have let me down too. I don't give them my time as much as I use to

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