Making the first move with my ex? What do you think?

My boyfriend of 2 years and I recently broke up. The story is very complicated, but I dumped him because I didn't want to take the break he wanted to take. Originally we were supposed to take a month break, but I was scared that it would just lead to a delayed breakup, so I just told him I didn't want the break and didn't want to get hurt later and rather just break up. He was just as upset as I was, but agreed. We agreed to be friends and went our ways. It hurts knowing that we still both like each other, but at the same time right now getting him back is not the right thing to do, since if we weren't to break up we wouldve taken a break anyway. It's been about 4 days now and yesterday was the first day we haven't spoke. The day after our break up we actually met up again to give each other's stuff back, which was a mess. I cried, he teared up. And being the sweet guy he is he hugged me for comfort and told me to contact him when I needed anything. He was worried I was losing weight and explained that he couldn't sleep these days as well. It's too obvious we still like each other a lot. And more obvious that he cares about me, but I think he still has the power. Especially because this is my first break ever and his third.

As of now, I think I should, I mean I KNOW I HAVE TO cut off all contact from him. I definitely think that he is thinking about how I'll probably want him back and how devastated I'm going to be at this point in time. I am, but I know I shouldn't let him know that. So, I was thinking that even though he has told me he'll still be there for me, I shouldn't talk to him at all or in the event he texts/calls me just play it cool. Great okay, then what about in a month or so after we've both had time away from each other, do I initiate contact? I do want him back no matter what. (If I still have feelings for him at that point.) If I am supposed to initiate contact, do I call him and ask him he he wants to eat dinner? Text him "Hey"? How do I go about it? Or am I supposed to wait until he does? And if he does how do I act?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Was breaking up the right thing to do? Read my Take on this question:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22390-when-is-it-time-to-break-up

    You have a failed relationship. Despite al of the feelings that you have for each other, he wanted a break. Why? You never mentioned why he wanted a break. If he has feelings for you and you have feelings for him. . . here must be a serious problem that would motivate him to suggest a break. And, yes, you were right. "Taking a break" is just a slow way of breaking up, but that is exactly what you are suggesting: wait a month and then try to reconcile. That is precisely what he suggested and you rejected that idea. . . and rightly so. It is rarely a good idea to try to reconcile a ailed relationship:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22306-why-trying-to-reconcile-a-failed-relationship-is-not-a-good-idea

    As painful as the idea must seem, the nest thing for you to do is to get over this relationship and move forward with your life. Since this is your first breakup, I'm sure it feels like the end of your life. . . but it isn't. You can survive a break up and become a stronger person in the process:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11176-a-practical-guide-for-how-to-get-over-your-breakup-how-to-get-on

    If you choose to ignore this advice (and many, probably most, people would,) be sure that you understand that you are not a victim of circumstances because you have created the circumstances in which you now find yourself. That means that if you can take a few steps back and look at how you are conducting yourself, you have the means of changing things so that you won't make the same mistake again. Your mistake maybe in the guy that you chose and it may be in the things that you did once you got into the relationship. Be fearlessly honest with yourself and you can make yourself a better person.

    Good luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • If I were you, I wouldn't think about this right now. Focus on the no contact and try and do something to distract yourself in the meantime. And in a month, just text him 'Hi' or something and see where you go from there.

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