Is my Ex a male borderline?

I met my Ex last year who at first was a very charming, sincere affectionate guy. He went out of his way to try get me to date him. He introduced me to his friends straight away, talked about introducing me to his family and eventually asked me to be his girlfriend after just one month of dating. All in all, it happened really fast! And just like that, a month later he changed his mind and broke up with me. Saying the relationship hadn't progressed to where it should have been after 2 months and he didn't want to continue things if he was just going to end it a few months later. He said I ticked all his boxes but there was just something missing. That we were socially at polar ends and that it would never work out because we are fundamentally different. He said however he still wanted me in his life as a friend though. I chose to cut all contact after the first week. Deleted him from all social media and blocked him on some. I didn't feel like we were friends to begin with so it confused me why he wanted to be friends now. He seemed hurt and I felt bad because he seemed genuinely like a nice guy so I convinced myself to unblock him and attempt this "friend thing". We occasionally spoke (always him messaging first) but never met again until 7 month later. It ended up a disaster. He told me he really missed me and hadn't dated anyone since we broke up. We had sex and then thereafter the same awkward feelings returned because I thought we would get back together but then he said he didn't want to date anyone and we wouldn't work out. I blamed myself for being stupid for trying the second time and decided things had to end for good since he made it loud and clear he didn't want to commit to a relationship. At least not with me. Months following that incident, he would message every so often, always saying he wants us to stay together as friends. Once again, I caved and agreed to meet. That was 2 weeks ago and the dinnr ended up with him trying to seduce me


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What Guys Said 1

  • I can't honestly say for sure, even though I work with borderline patients at my hospital. It mostly looks like he has high expectations and you weren't meeting them. At the very least he is pretty radical in his dating (not always a good thing). But I don't think you should blame yourself or feel bad for trying a second time. So many people feel bad when they try to give it a second shot and it fails. We aren't perfect beings so when we try again, it's a good sign of our own integrity and I see that you are trying to keep things realistic but also exercise that faith of elevating yourself beyond they typical corruptible person. You tried, and it failed. Don't beat yourself up about it. He made his choices and you made yours. I encourage you to find a guy who is less 'borderline' in action and meet a guy who is more solid in his decisions. I always feel like I sound sexist when I say this to people, but I think the women retain the rights to be a little crazy from time to time. It's up to the guy to be the pillar girls hold on to when things start to spiral out of control. Not always 100% because we guys also need a strong woman to grab onto for support when the floor falls out from us. And I feel like you are that strong woman, you just need a solid guy, so get out there and find him. Don't put any more effort into a quicksand guy and act smarter than your surface emotions with this guy.


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