What the hell was I to him?

dated a man 20 years ago. I cheated on him and we broke up. I was young and stupid. He has been married for 13 years and I heard he was seperated and gave him a call. We kind of hang around the same friends so I have seen him with his wife over the years. They had been seperated for about 6 months. We had sex the first night and he was all into me telling me he loved me and he even went on a vacation for a week with me and my kids. I mean I already had the vacation planned, but after dating for a week I ask if he wanted to go on the faction with us and he said sure! He swore he was never getting back together with his wife. 6 weeks later he calls me, not even does it in person , and tells me he needs to work it out for his kids. Are you kidding me? I have always been in love with this man!! How could he fall asleep in my bed, then be with back with his wife that next night? Did he ever love me? Was it really for his kids or did he still love his wife? And I found out for my birthday he bought me the same bracelet he purchased for his wife, and took me to the same restaraunt he took his wife to each year!! Are you kidding me? I tried to call him a couple of times and text him but he won't respond and took down his Facebook page. Now I have to see them around town, and he totally looks happy and all in love!! What do I do? What exactly was I to him? Did he ever love me? Please help me answer all my questions and be able to move on!
But b it was 20 years ago that I cheated I was like 19! And that didn't stop him for wanting to be with me for 6 weeks and promising he wouldn't go back to his wife!


Most Helpful Guy

  • So after cheating on a guy, and getting back to him when he's just separated from his wife, you wonder why he chose his marriage over you? Interesting.

    • But it was like 20 years ago I was like 19! That wasn't an issue for the first 6 weeks at all and he never brought it up!!

    • Like someone else said, age doesn't make any difference. If you only found him interesting after knowing he was married, then you're not the one for him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You cheated on him and yet you're wondering what he thought you were to him. You can't blame it on being 20 and young. I'm sure a lot of the 20 year olds on here would tell you they wouldn't cheat. I know when I was 20 I wouldn't have cheated. You can't use age as an excuse for that.

    Also, it's been a while since your relationship with him. He was married to her and he has kids with her. He obviously loved her if they were together for 13 years. Yes they separated, but obviously he loved her enough to want to try and work things out with her. I doubt when he got back with you temporarily that he felt any love for you. It was probably just a fling to him. Perhaps even being with you made him realize he wanted her back.

    I fully support a man who wants to get back to his wife and kids. It is her he should be with, not you.

    Also, you can't have always been in love with him if you cheated on him. You asked: "What exactly was I to him? Did he ever love me?"

    You should be asking yourself those questions when you cheated on him. What was he to you? Did you actually ever love him? Doubtful if you could cheat on him. It's time to move on.


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What Guys Said 5

  • You fucked up twice with this guy. First when you cheated and second for getting involved with someone going through a divorce. Never ever get involved with someone in that position. You were a temporary distraction to ease his pain. Basically an aspirin

  • He did love you. But kids are a life changer. what he said about his kids are probably true, he had to work it out for his kids. so he probably did do it for them but after awhile he found happiness with his wife again even tho he was doing it for his kids. im not sure what to do to help you tho

  • I'm sorry but you're saying you cheated on him, that's a sign that he can't really trust you, and second you're going after a guy that is going through a divorce after 13 years? That's kind of shady, and you should definitely not expect anything out of that, period. Like your name says, you were a rebound and he needed someone to ease the pain.

  • Hi, clearly you're hurt, but you're also an adult. This guy was and is getting over a breakup. He is not going to be thinking straight for a LOOOONG time. This is so well known that many people will not date people who are going through a breakup for this very reason.

    Besides that, you may have pined for this guy for 20 years, but he went on and got married and had kids. Despite what he said in bed., that does not go away overnight.

    Is this sad for you? Of course! Should he have been superhuman enough to recognize that he was a little crazy - no? I hope you feel better, but this whole thing was an accident waiting to happen.

    Be wel

  • Hmmm... how I ironic that your username is ReboundChick πŸ˜‚ πŸΈβ˜•


What Girls Said 3

  • He loves his wife. He may have deep feelings for you but he wants her more. It sounds like he is really trying to commit to his family. He may have taken you to places he knows so his wife may find out and get jealous or lack of imagination. If you really love him and he happy then you should be happy for him. Sounds like you just came in second. It happens. Find a man that puts you first. It was just a rebound.

  • What do you do? Move on.

    You played him twenty years ago.
    He played you now.

    This is an endless cycle.
    You have to forget about him.

    • Except he probably wasn't playing her, though.

    • Show All
    • @Intraluminal It's apparent that there's no justification for his actions , but you seem to make excuses for him. Poor guy should put this woman through un necessary heart ache because he's going through such a hard time. Why don't we pat him on the back and carry on? I have no sympathy for him. There's no excuse for his actions

    • Not excusing his actions. Understanding them. Have you NEVER acted poorly under extreme stress? If you haven't, then either you've never been under extreme stress, or you're a fantastically together person. The rest of us are not so fortunate.

  • He most likely wanted to get back at you and like an idiot you went for it. Word of advice don't mess with someone until they are DIVORCED not SEPARATED!!!


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