Do I tell her fiancee she cheated with me?

Okay, so I have know a woman I always thought I would marry for about 7 years now and we have done the deed up until about a couple weeks ago. I am admitting what I have done was wrong. About 1 year in she started seeing another guy. I figured with how clingy she was with me I couldn't leave for fear of him being a douche and or her hurting herself. 2 years turned into 3 etc etc. I always thought I just needed to prove that I was worth loving more than the other guy. Frankly though, I could care less what people think of me for what I did. I followed my heart. My question is this... I have been meaning to break the news to him as he only knows of one time... out of the entire time they dated we were doing it. To make matters worse he proposed this month... I feel they should just be left to themselves and have been though enough together, but I also feel like the whole relationship is a lie unless he can swallow that pill. Here for opinions not bashing please

  • Do tell
    Vote A
  • keep this skeleton in the closet, never tell
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Obviously this IS something that has been eating at me for a very long time. But I couldn't bring myself to put on his shoes until a good friend gave me the talk I've been needing for a very long time. I am more concerned about their well being. Thats why I am torn. And yes the other guy for roughly 6 years. I know that makes me a POS in many ways. I've more than learned my lesson here and am trying to atone. Its gonna take more than this... but its a start

0|0
713

Most Helpful Girl

  • A part of me wants to say , that you should tell him.
    But the other side says refrain from doing so.
    Why?
    Because
    A) It isn't your place. You have no commitment or obligation to this man. This is something she must tell because it is her relationship.
    B) She could easily deny what you are saying , and make you out to be a liar.
    She could spin this around on you and say you are being deceptive because you're jealous she didn't leave him for you and that they are getting married.
    If he has any trust left for her , he will believe her word , and they both will make you out to be a destructive fool.

    I think she owes it to him to tell the truth. That is her responsibility not yours.
    Sadly. I don't think she ever will.
    I'm glad that you see you were wrong in being a participant in this , even though it took almost a decade to learn that.

    Even if she were to be with you , she'd treat you the same way she is treating her husband.
    You deserve better.
    I hope you find peace with the situation and move on.

    0|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • I say tell him. Don't let him spend money and marry a girl who cheated on him the entire time they were together.

    There's a good chance that she'll cheat on him or perhaps spill the beans and admit to what she did. It better that he finds out BEFORE he married her rather than later.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Not the entire time, nearly tough.

    • Show All
    • Ahh, stop making it even worse.

    • @MissIndependent111
      sorry 😔

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Let sleeping dogs lie here, dear, keep this skeleton in the closure closet And... Move on from her and the past now.
    ... I've more than learned my lesson here and am trying to atone...
    Good luck. xx

    0|0
    0|0
  • I have so much I want to say about the entire situation but I'm going to do my my best to put that aside. I want you to understand that this is an extremely selfish woman. She does not care about you, or her fiancee or anyone else that isn't her. She probably has a victim mentality and will do her best to put the blame on anyone else but herself. You were with her first, and she cheated on you with another man. She ended up being with that man and you became her side piece. If she has the gall to continually lie and harm the people she claims to "love" then she certainly doesn't love anyone at all. I really don't believe this woman was just limited to the two of you. I'd say it's more likely she's had several other partners while cheating on the both of you. She's disgusting, and if she didn't use condoms with you trust she didn't with any of the many men after, before, and during her time with you. She is scum, and you've experienced this low life for so long you honestly believe you love her. Do you really lack that much self respect to marry such a filthy and evil person? She enjoys using people not loving them. Tell this guy and save him the expense of marrying this monster. You're giving her the opportunity to completely destroy this man's life if it doesn't work out. Be a decent person and spare him that agony. I've seen my own father's life destroyed by a gold digging whore. Don't let this whore do the same. Also, if she hasn't already she's going to get sick. You want to spend the rest of your life with AIDS or you want to find a faithful woman who loves you? Get yourself tested, encourage her fiance to do the same, and leave that woman in the dust where she belongs. She's brainwashed you dear, it's your job to have a back bone now. Tell him before you and her end up ruining his life. Also, cut her off, she'll be a walking sack of disease in no time.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I won't vote on this one as there's no black and white answer.

    First, you must consider the lady. What are her needs? How will she react if you tell him? Will he hurt her in any physical way?

    Second, consider yourself. Is he likely to turn nasty towards you?

    I guess what you could say, given the dates, that she was unfaithful to you!

    0|1
    0|0
    • Lol, SHE IS the one cheating on him, you are crazy for defending her. She deserves everything she gets as well as him. You sound terrible.

    • Show All
    • @MissIndependent111 Yea I was being a POS by not caring about his feelings for so long; I really thought she would leave him. Im admitting all that but it was not my question. Also Its extremely easy to criticize my situation, its another thing to feel like you have found your soul mate and watch as someone else slowly takes advantage of every thing you can't offer and capitalizes on it. I tried to be a good person, and strive to be successful in life. I pushed myself in all aspects so that one day she could decide. That there would be no contest. He simply had what I did not naturally have. A welcoming family and more close friends.

    • @Asker Your Soulmate is one terrible person i must say. The guy deserves better, tell him everything by Email and do not confront of him because he will hurt you physically. Let her deal with the consequences on her own because she is responsible for everything.

  • You don't even care what the guy thinks. Why are you pretending to be nice when you knowingly did the wrong thing and don't regret it?

    You are just wasting your time here.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You have cheated with her for 7 years?

    0|0
    0|0
    • You have been keeping this up for such a long time and still defend her? lol, you are brainwashed by Women and a total Peasant to Feminists. Although i do applaud you for having the courage of telling him, although your dear friend is the one that deserves to be taught a lesson for what she has done.

  • She needs to tell him, it's her place to do so not someone else.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 12

  • It is not your position to tell him. He knows she cheated with you once. If he wants to know more, he can ask. This is an issue which should be resolved only between the two of them. If you have any respect for either of them, you will not interfere.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think you are right. I really feel like I waited too long to say anything and that its not my place to do so anymore. At the same time ask yourself... if that is something you found out in your twenties, would you feel the same? Learning the truth as an older adult... I don't know if I call that waiting for the right time or being robbed... Thanks everyone. This has really helped me

    • Show All
    • I am not judging anyone, but you are saying basically that he should hide the secret from him because he respects him? how does that make sense? and why should he respect her? she did a despicable thing that can't be forgiven. I don't see where you are coming from, no moral person will live with what awaits the guy. I know this because my CONSCIENCE wouldn't let me keep it a secret. Yes. she is the one that should tell him, but it's still a lousy move to keep it a secret from him if he knew about it. And the other guy ALSO got cheated on and even much longer. He didn't know about anything that was happening, and so deserves some compassion and the truth.

      Why would you let him be lied to for so many years in the future? no good person would do that, also, the slut deserves no respect. I can't see why he should respect her, yeah he likes her, so what? he knows what she has done is inhuman, and so he knows she deserves a punishment. I don't respect people with mindsets like yours.

    • But i also don't blame people like you for thinking what they are thinking.

  • The big question here is are you good with potentially ruining this part of her life? While you feel that it should be you that she chose the fact remains that it isn't. If her conciounce doesn't eat at her in my opinion you should just let it be

    0|0
    0|0
    • Lol, typical brainwashed White Knight who was raised to worship Women for the rest of his life. She deserves everything she gets, the guy deserves to know and get rid of such a low life.

    • @MissIndependent111 to each their own

  • It is the honorable thing to do. He'll probably hate you in the short run but in the long run his life will be better off. Bros before ho's, dude.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Do tell, but make sure the guy doesn't go on a killing rampage. Strongly suggest and encourage him to just get a divorce and have a few counseling sessions so that he can move on from the cheating bitch.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You need to tell him so he can get this poisonous woman out of his life.

    He may resent you in the short term, but in the end he'll thank you for it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not your place to tell him. Break it off with her as she has made her choice and be glad that you're not the one she did this too

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do what you would want done.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I make it a rule never to interfere in other people's relationships.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do it, that'd be soooooooo funny XD

    0|0
    0|0
  • Look a women is either a slut or the type of women that you want to make your wife...

    You have Bergen fucking a slut and she is a real slut... toying with people's feelings and backstabbing everyone...

    Just tell that guy and ruin her life for cheating... She deserves it!

    And you should be ashamed of yourself too...

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say let it rest. That's her responsibility to talk to her fiancee about all this, not yours. If you want to do your part, then you gotta stop seeing her and tell her why.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you're a man then do the right thing and tell her fiance.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...