Do you think if someone acts violently against a person who cheated on them, then their violent nature was probably part of the reason why they cheat?

Considering punching someone in the face, slapping them, kicking them in the balls, throwing out their stuff on the streets, drawing all over their car, spending their money from a joint account, stabbing them with a knife, etc etc. won't actually undo the problem nor will it fix anything, I'm pretty sure no rational human being would harm someone like that unless they were already crazy from the start.

Which also means that the inclination towards this type of excessively uncivilized behavior is part of the reason why they were cheated on... because I don't see why anyone would choose to want to put up with that.

So, do you think if someone acts violently against a person who cheated on them, then their violent nature was probably part of the reason why they cheat? And would you be able to trust a person who beats and physically harasses the person who cheated on them?

[question inspired by https://www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/q1706955-did-i-deserve-this ]

  • YES, I do believe that if someone physically harms the person they had been together with if they were cheated on, then their aggressive behavior is part of the reason why they broke up with them.
    Vote A
  • KIND OF, while I do believe that might contribute, the problem is probably more complicated; and wasn't necessarily a primary cause behind why they were cheated on.
    Vote B
  • NO, cheating and being aggressive are TWO COMPLETELY UNRELATED thing, they most possibly did NOT start cheating because their partner was violent.
    Vote C
  • I HAVE NO OPINION ON THIS MATTER
    Vote D
  • OTHER
    Vote E
  • I DON'T KNOW
    Vote F
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think such anger can be unleashed during such betrayal. It doesn't necessarily mean they are a violent person but the hurt and pain brought it out in them. And not liking a quality about someone means you should break up with them. Not cheat on them. Thats disgusting.

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    • Cheating on someone is essentially moving on and finding someone else without having broken up yet.

      I'm not sure I can trust someone who is violent if "the pain brings it out of them", that just means they are a ticking timebomb.

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    • @bluemn Technically we need justification for it to override the societal programming which tells us by rule that "cheating is wrong", similarly to how people are more lenient towards people who were caught stealing essentials that they couldn't afford (for example, bread). People are more lenient towards you having cheated if your partner has been unwilling to have sex with you for months or years; while they would scorn you if you've been having a healthy and satisfying sex life and cheated anyways.

    • Cheating IS wrong. Stealing IS wrong. Violence IS wrong. Why blaming society? It has nothing to do with "societal programming." Rather with the observation that cheating, stealing and violence are leaving psychological scars on the victims. Those that cheat, steal and use violence are probably not able to control their animal instinct. Unfortunately selfishness is part of human natureā€¦ a little empathy here and there would not harm.
      As I said there is always a better way: how about 1) breaking up with your partner that does not satisfy you for whatever reason (in case problems cannot be solved with communication), 2) taking some time off dating to do some introspection and try to understand why you partner did not satisfy you any more - both parties involved are usually responsible for the relationship dynamics, and only THEN 3) starting to see someone else? You see? This would be a win-win situation.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think with something like this the violence is caused by the cheating and not the other way round unless they were violent before. There's not a lot of point though, just dump and move on.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I think that there is always an underlying issue, if everything was fine then why would they cheat? And if something is wrong them why doesn't the partner notice and want to fix it? It takes two to make a relationship fail. If it isn't working it isn't working, but violence and controlling, aggressive behaviour will make someone want to reach out and have support and love from another.

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  • This is something that's entirely case-by-case. In some cases, this aggressiveness can be a reason why the other one felt like cheating. In other cases, this aggressiveness is completely unexpected and was never an underlying problem.

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  • i voted for "NO, cheating and being aggressive are TWO COMPLETELY UNRELATED thing, they most possibly did NOT start cheating because their partner was violent. " because some people are cheaters by nature and its normal for the person to get mad at them once they find out about that betrayal

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    • Yes , but is it normal to hit people in the face just because you are angry

    • well if that person (the one who cheated) hit you first... then...

    • well fighting back someone who's physically causing you harm is not the same as starting a physical warfare

  • The lizard brain is part of human nature that is outside of your control. And while it's larger in some people than in others, it's possible that cheating is an extreme situation that puts even an average or small lizard brain to fight instead of flight, so making them do things they usually wouldn't do.

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  • Yea, I heard of a girl cheating because her boyfriend was abusive.

    But that doesn't make it okay to cheat. She could have left.

    And yes, it will be hard to trust a violent person.

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  • No, I think they are unrelated issues but that two damaged people may be drawn to each other.

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  • There is no excuse for cheating. Period.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't see it as releveant, cheating is a massive breach of trust from the person you trust most and as such is going to ellicit an extreme response it is (in my opinion) not indicative of past or future violence. Futher more cheating isn't exceptable even under those circumstances since its a pretty poor excuse what with illicting a greater violence for cheatng when you could just leave.

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  • You don't get to assign one person's misdeeds to another "cuz they started it." The person who was violent is guilty of being violent of their own accord, and the same for the cheater.

    Nothing justifies the use of force except the initiation of force (that is, the only reason to use force is in defense of force being used against you).

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  • I never support cheating under any sircumstance - if you don't like your partner, leave. Simple.

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