How should I approach this situation with my ex?

I was with my ex from age 11-17, we're both 18 now. We were each others first love and everything else. The last year of being together we drifted apart because of our busy lives. I found out he was seeing another girl so I confronted him about it and he told me to stay out of his business so I told him to never talk to me again. Well he kept following me around (in and out of school) and staring at me for long periods of time and then he started to "egg on" my friends and show up to their work. Well my friend called him and told him to leave me alone. My exes mom found out what happened and went to the police. My ex then tried to say that I took a baseball bat to his truck, he really wrecked it himself because one of his best friends even showed me texts where he admits to doing it. Well we went to court and the baseball bat charge was dropped obviously but my friend went to jail for "harassing" him when he told him to leave me alone. Me and my ex aren't suppose to talk to each other and we haven't. He's tried to tell one person at school that he has a good idea that I messed up his truck, the kid didn't believe him and instead told me so I went to security and told them about it and how he always stares at me whenever he sees me.

We have the same lunch period and unfortunately all of my friends sit at the other end of his lunch table so I've been sitting there. He stares at me through much of the lunch time and glances over at me a lot. A lot of guys stop by the table and talk to me and one guy who sits at the table likes me a lot as well. Guys also have come up to me and asked for my number while he was sitting right there. Well the last lunch period him and his friend had to sit down at my end of the table because of there not being enough space which pretty much left me and him directly across from each other. I've never looked him or stared at him while sitting at the table. If I look at him its rare and usually from the corner of my eye.

I really want to end this whole fighting because we're both 18 now and we've spent so much time on each other. I'm not saying I want to get back with him just that I think its a waste to lose all of that time on this. My friend told me that me sitting at the table just shows that I don't care about the situation and that I'm above the fighting, is that true? I'm not sure how to do that though? And why does he act like that towards me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Screw composure and being mature- this asshole is being completely disrespectful! He lied to you about the relationship, lied to the law enforcement about the property damage, and he will continue to lie. Additionally- he's a punk okay. This kid straight up knew you and was apparently (not) in-love with you during this 8 year relationship, and now that he is 18- he is acting like a jackass?

    No... F-_- that! This kid needs to go to a psychoward or something... Mmmm I'm gonna bite my lip cause I can see you care about him.

    Here's the reality:

    - My ex then tried to say that I took a baseball bat to his truck, he really wrecked it himself

    - Me and my ex aren't suppose to talk to each other

    - He stares at me (Can anyone say pedophile / serial killer?)

    [ I really want to end this whole fighting ]

    There's no way to resolve this without lifting the restraints on your communication. If you lift those restraints (or he does) then you could do the following:

    - Look at him in the eyes and say "It sucks that we couldn't get beyond this whole immature behavior, but thank you for the previous relationship, I learned alot." Then before he can respond- take your final glance at him, and walk away. After you do so, make a pact with yourself to never speak with him again.

    THOUGH- I strongly recommend you don't lift the restraining order or the "no-talk order" because this guy could basically go psychopathic and really hurt you. I would hate to see that happen when you're trying to resolve the tension in this situation to live your life.

    At all times- have a friend with you incase something happens ONLY as a witness. If your friend intervenes physically, the only thing he will have on his side is the self-defense statute of "The lesser of two evils" - Which states that he could do something of less "consequence" to prevent bodily injury to your or others.

    - So if your ex raised a baseball bat and threatened you, while pulling his arm back to prepare for a swing in your direction, the statute may apply if he tries to intervene by disarming your ex.

    Good luck, this isn't easy regardless, but the best thing to do is to move on. To each their own, play it smart.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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What Guys Said 4

  • as far as stopping the fighting well I would suggest to honestly move on and never look back because it will most likely never be the same. Um sitting there shows that you possibly not letting him bother you but it seems like he kinda is you just need to give it time and not thinnk about it.

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  • Kick him in the balls next time you see him.

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  • It's probably best to simply walk away. Don't have Anything to do with him; he'll only look to make things worse.

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  • It might be because of when you guys drifted apart that he somehow managed to justify it in his mind as being primarily your fault and just in part -- if any -- his. He may be mad at you for this. I can see how he might go a little crazy after losing his first love but, right now its a bit too extreme. I'd say that all the looking at you isn't a good thing. He probably still has strong feelings for you but some of them may be bad. I feel like you still care about the situation even though you sat at the table. The thing is, if you try to be mean to him, he'll get even madder and if you try to befriend him, he'll take that chance to shut you down. What it seems like you need right now is someone who is a threat to him to be on your side. A bigger and smarter guy perhaps whenever you confront him about it. This will cause him to not become too aggressive too fast since he'd get his ass beat.

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What Girls Said 3

  • This guy is trouble. You may have had something with him for a while, but honestly, sounds like it's way over with now. He is being stalker-ish and creepy, flat out aggressive and I wouldn't put it past him to resort to other extreme measures to either get you back or hurt you or other people you associate with. He already threw you under the bus once. Steer clear from him and spend your lunches somewhere else if needed. I can't explain what he's attempting to do right now, all I know is that I got goosebumps reading what you wrote. He sounds dangerous. Break all ties. If he doesn't leave you alone, seek protection from the police/courts. There are other men out there, you're legal now... I suggest going for an older man... they sometimes have their sh*t together over these younger ones.

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  • He needs to stay away from you and stop staring.

    Ugh, I'd get so irritated.

    I'd report every little thing he does. That way down the road. If anything happens.

    It was all documented.

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  • forget about him and move on.

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