Does no contact with an ex work??

we broke up in march 09 OK we were together nearly three years I stayed with him. things got out of control arguing so I moved home to my mothers. we didn't speak for a while(maybe 2 months) then I asked for him back constantly I done this for about a month and he kept saying no. so I left it until 3 weeks ago just before Christmas he got in contact with me again and we got on brilliant until he brought up the past. that what I done to him and bla bla bla. and we ont talk now but he checks my bebo profile like every week, I am trying to act as if I am not interested when really I want him back what should I do. please help :D xx


Most Helpful Guy

  • What happened in the past? Explain that and I'll tell you whether or not there is a shot.

    Let me go on a story in the mean time, I'll try to keep it brief.

    - I was with the same girl that I gave my virginity to for 4 years, she cheated on me once and then several times down the road I thought she had cheated on me (which in my opinion seemed legit reasoning to assume so; based off what she told me about the situation). None-the-less we broke up on and off like any other teenage abusive relationship and I didn't know what I wanted other than someone to throw my arm around.

    Part 2: I finally woke up and realised what I had lost after we took a very long break, but I still couldn't get over the past bullsh*t that was inflicting bad thoughts about how I felt about her, but I still was "IN-love" with this girl. She was my world. So I strived towards maintaining only a friendship and talking to her as a friend, where I messed up and flirted with her constantly. We ended up rekindling our feelings and asserting them openly like "I like you, I know there's a bad past, do you like me?"

    Part 3: We have been basically FWB- we aren't look for marriage, nor a friendship and neither of us are interested in other people (or so it seems.) I'm very understanding of other people involving themselves within her life and I know what I am willing to compromise on and what I will not tolerate, so I have some basic foundations of where to intervene and point out where she is wrong.

    The Catch: Prior to developing part 3- the relationship was EXTREMELY abusive from my side (and visa versa). We basically pushed each other and then pulled in every direction possible. We tested the very strengths and weaknesses of our relationship in ways that other people are not comfortable to do so. The experience was NOT delightful, there were several times where I felt completely lonely and basically drained of motivation to continue pursueing this lady.

    Several years have passed and we have remained highschool sweethearts in love. The passion we share is more important than a mere breakup from words and flustered feelings. Not all people will bite down and bear through the same pain, to each their own. All I can say is that I'm glad I did- because I needed the experience. The lifestyle I have chose has helped me form my own personality, which I show through my responses here.

    Choose what works for you and fight for it, but make sure that it isn't going to be hopeless- even though we would have some of the worst arguments, she would see me completely happy on certain days; granted, I was severely hurting over the misloyalty.

    I know that people will not agree with me, but it really will open your eyes to try things, though I advise people not to follow my footsteps if they aren't willing to learn. I knew all along that this won't be permanent, but I don't want marriage- so that is fine with me.

    Best regards,


    • *Scratches head* - I suppose that wasn't as short, as I had originally intended... lol

    • Show All
    • I don't know about you and your ex- but a "break" is a break. It means free game for whatever happens because you both do not want to follow through with the requirements of a relationship AT THAT TIME.

      Here's the catch, regardless of how it seems or would be- he will always think of it as you "cheating" on him or "seeking other people" / "not being faithful" so give him the benefit of the doubt and just appologize for the circumstance.

      If you are ready for my same journey, then make it work

    • By trying to resolve things emotionally and then try things out- get a feel for what works and for what does not.

      Though if you don't want to follow my footsteps (which I advise you to choose this route)- then you need to break things off with him and move on, which won't be easy and it won't help anything. It will probably drain you for a while- but you will get over it in time, especially with the right assistance.

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What Guys Said 2

  • run for the hills...

    the relationship seems like its tainted...the first sign was when he was non-responsive to ur attempts at getting back with him, depsite the 2 months time he had to figure it should know that when ur in relationships with men for that long, after breaking up there's stages...

    1st- He feels liberated and is excited about being single...hence, why he was out of contact for 2 month...

    2nd- he gets lonely, resorts back to what he knows best, or what he's used to (you) so he starts finding ways of making contact with you

    3rd- succeeds at making contact, figures out maybe it wasn't everything he pitcured when he was turning his wheels

    4th- continues the getting into and out of contact depending on his "loneliness"...

    it's a vicious cycle that he'll drag you into that you should 1, know that ur too good to allow someone to use you like that...and 2 will more than likely never end up in the serious thing you guys once had...there's plenty of good men out there depsite what you girls think, get ur mind right and get out there...


  • Like the website says there are two sides. you have to drop your own personality and look at it from his view. not really a lot of info here but, get in his head. view your situation from his eye. and come to a compromise. just ignoring him isn't going to do the relationship any good, for extended periods of time. Well..maybe for a short while. You both need to get onto the same page and talk it out.


What Girls Said 4

  • It's best ye don't start a relationship again as this is what will happen again. He obviously wants to move on if he wanted you back he would of said yes.

  • Move on and block him from your bebo!

  • Ignoring some1 is nvr good

  • If he really cares about you, it works to an extent. But the issues won't disappear. And this I speak from experience. I shut my ex out and he came back (unintentional result...I had been extremely angry with him). But we never talked about the break up so we wound up breaking up again. Then after a couple of months later of him, we finally really looked at what went wrong. Which made all the different.

    You can't give the relationship a fair shot without really examining the past. If he wants to talk about then, you need to let him get it all out. So try seeking him out and finding out if he has any more to say. Then say your piece. See where it leads. There's always a reason why people break up. You can't get back together and have it all be rainbows and butterflies without first resolving old problems.


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