Girls, They say you're supposed to learn something from a breakup?

... im struggling tbh. I know I have my flaws, I may be a little insecure or jealous but id like to think it was in a healthy way & not in a controlling manner. In fact I know im not controlling.

I got dumped after 2 years. I just dont really know why. I spent 2 years taking the time, effort & energy getting to know her on a deeper level. I didn't put her on a pedestal or worship her, I never wanted her just for sex or her looks. I gave her space, let her live her own life, I wasn't needy, clingy or desperate, I always asked her how she was or how her day had been etc, I never cheated on her, abused her verbally or physically, I appreciated & complimented on her looks but also for who she is as a person. I always thanked her when she did something for me, never took her for granted, I bought her flowers occasionally if she was ever feeling a bit unhappy to cheer her up. Even though I can get a bit jealous, she never mentioned this as a reason. Even though I do get a bit jealous I never blew up her phone asking what she was doing, who she was out with etc, I let her be to live her own life. Not once has she ever said im annoying or she wanted nothing more to do with me etc etc. Thats why im confused. I know I can't force someone to like/love me but I just dont know what or if I did anything wrong?

People say its her loss, but I dont believe in that. there's obviously something thats turned her off? Maybe she just doesn't love me but I think whatever I ask, I dont think she'll give me a thruthful answer? Maybe its some other guy I dunno?

Im 3 weeks into No contact, to try & move on asap. Im proving im not desperate, clingy or needy (I dont know if thats a good thing to you girls?), im not gonna beg or chase when she dumped me so I hope that proves im not clingy or needy. If she wants me she can come to me unless she's really stubborn? I told her I can't be friends with her. I told her im not being your "go to" guy, doormat, male therapist kinda guy.

Have I done anything wrong, what could I do differently? or could it be she just didn't appreciate me as a person?
Forgot to add. The no contact is not to play mind games, its not to try & win her back manipulatively but for me to realise I've tried my hardest, loved her like I've never loved anyone else, but she just doesn't seem to appreciate me.

I hope she or other girls don't think I'm being immature by distancing myself from her


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What Girls Said 1

  • Not for nothing girls like a there man to be needy of her attention. Maybe she was on the other hand going through something and didn't want to involve you, sense you said basically you won't be her shoulder.

    What about being there, maybe all the things you were try not to be she took as rejection or someone less interested then she thought

    • No not immature,. but maybe she misses you

    • I "was" there for her. That's what I don't understand. I asked her about her kids if they were ill etc, I took a big interest in her & her life, friends etc. The reason I said I wouldn't be there for her "now" is because it obviously wasn't enough for her. She knows I'm interested in her

    • Maybe it was good enough and she didn't realize it then, but if you close her out now, you might never get the chance to hear her say how sorry she is for hurting you, if u stop and give up u might never hear her say how much she misses you, and how great you've been.

      It takes others longer to appreciate a friend when going through trials and tribulations. Maybe she couldn't give you what you needed at the time, there's certain walks in life that we have to walk alone. I don't know I'm just reaching for a solution. Truth is you won't ever know if she regrets losing you, if you leave her with no traces.

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