Too close to his ex. Should I not even bother?

This guy I like (let's call him Jack) is kind of close to his ex (let's call her Jill). I don't know Jill that well, but my friend does. He said they were on and off for a couple of months. And that in his opinion Jack looks at her like he's still interested. But my friend thinks Jill won't commit because she's afraid of getting hurt again (I'm not sure if she told Jack that though) and Jack wouldn't ask for her back because he knows how much he hurt her by breaking up with her in the first place.

They broke up awhile ago. It just alarms me that people can look at them and thing there's something there because they've both dated other people.

Jack flirts with me and we've hung out a couple of times. But I don't know if I should be worried about how he feels about Jill. Anyone ever been in my shoes? What do you think of their relationship? Is it better for me to walk away?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I've been in Jack's shoes. He's probably friends with Jill and nothing more. Jack probably knows Jill is not his anymore, but Jill is a safe friend. If neither Jack nor Jill plan to get back together, Jack is safe, even though he may still have a thing for Jill.

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    • So say if he does have a thing for her. Would I be stupid for still pursuing anything?

    • If you can accept Jill may be a life long friend. I would say that you should meet Jill. If you like Jill, it's probably not a waste of time. If you can't stand Jill, you may be wasting your time. Jill may be around for a while, and Jack may defend Jill if you're being petty or jealous towards Jill. Jill may be the girl who set the standard for Jack. A girl who doesn't match up to Jill is a girl that Jack won't stay with long. Jack will meet a girl he likes more than Jill and Jack will be happy

  • well, first off, you are basing WAY too much on what your friend is saying about jack and jills relationship. who is this guy? maybe he likes you and would be jealous if you dated jack. it's a very strong possibility because I've seen it happen.

    you need to talk to jack about jill and not rely on some random dude.

    find out what's going on between them and then evaluate things from there.

    because he looks at his ex a certain way doesn't mean anything.

    if they are friends then you have to accept that.

    but if you are having a tough time accepting that now because of the way jack looks at jill then imagine how crazy you are going to go if you are dating jack.

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    • My friend's gay, lol. Which is why I trust his perception. We've been friends since we were little so I trust that he doesn't have any ill intentions. And I'd feel like it's not my place to ask him about her.

    • Can I ask him about his relationship history in general? Is that okay?

    • Relationship history in general? uhhh...unless it gets brought up in conversation I'd steer away from it. if I'm talking to a girl and she starts asking me questions (more like interrogating me) about ex's I'd be a bit thrown off. what you can do is be like "hey I like you and I like where this is going are you seeing anyone else? can we be exclusive" then let the conversation happen and mention jill. but then again, are you guys in a situation where you are close to dating? or what?

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