Healthy Break Up Suggestions?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, 3 years long distance, recently she brought up a sort of "break-up." She doesn't want to lose me but at the same time she doesn't want to leave me. The sort of mutual agreement we came to was a set of diverging and converging paths. We both want the other to be happy, be that with or without each other.

She doesn't know if being with me is what she wants for the rest of her life, but she's absolutly thrilled with the idea of it being me, she just wants to be sure. Some background info is that we've only ever been with each other, so I understand her wanting to experience both the good and or bad that she will not being with me. So to make sure I'm the right one, she wants to have the option to see other guys.

With out a doubt we love each other and in the end we want to at the very least stay as friends. Our conversation wasn't at all argumenative or anything.

Seeing as the relationship has lasted for 4 years, we can't handle just saying, it's over, good to have you as a friend. Do any of you find it healthy to sort of take steps back toward us not being a thing, without ending it. I don't know a crude way to describe it would be an essentially open relationship, just it may become exclusive with someone else as we slowly let us simmer on the back burner.

So we'd remain "together" more or less and should either of us want to experience more with another person we can easily transition to being apart, but still stay in contact, and share our experiences as we determine if her and I will want the rest of our lives together.

I guess it's odd, until either of us choose to pursue something with someone else we just want to be able to cuddle and be close if we're ever lonely. We both love each other and want to be together, but I know she needs to grow up some more to realize, I already know what I want, but of course if her happiness lies somewhere else, I'd
  • Healthy Decision
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  • Not Healthy
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh god don't do this! She already made up her mind that she doesn't want to be with you. The thing that you're doing is basically making it easier for her to not feel the guilt. Why would she want to go back to you if she can still have you whenever she wants and also have freedom to date others? She will never miss you like this. And when you least expect it, she is gonna fall in love with someone else and she's gonna forget about you. Never the less, it's NOT healthy for you! You still love her and want to be with her, you are not on the same page, so therefore you cannot do this. It will hurt you trust me. It will ruin everything that you had, it will ruin what you thought of each other, and it will ruin any chance of getting back together. I understand how you feel I've been there too, but sometimes you just gotta cut the soft shit out of your personality and be rough. I know it's hard to be rough to someone who you love and care about, but think of it as if she is your kid. She has to fall down and hit her head in order to learn and realize not to run like a retard. Humans learn on mistakes, and the only way she might learn is on a hard way, that means not having you in her life. You can stay civil and talk from time to time (that's actually better then disappearing completely) but being "friends with benefits" is a big no no. Be mature and confident about this - walk away. If you don't walk away, even if she wants back, chances that the same thing is gonna happen again are very high because she's gonna think that you are gonna stay by her side again, no harm done. Anyhow, distancing yourself from her a little bit can't do any harm, only good, for both of you. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she is gonna find the way to prove it, trust me. If not, well then you did the right by pulling away.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This seems to be like a case of GIGS. Look it up. The solution you two proposed is one I've thought of for this kind of situation, and I don't know how it works in practice, but I guess it doesn't hurt to try. Just maintain good communication though. And if it doesn't seem like it's working, abandon the idea and don't cause yourselves unnecessary heartache.

    • I guess I'll keep you updated on how it works. Seems the only unhealthy open-relationships result in a lack of communication, or staying in one when one party no longer wants it, at which point it either ends or becomes exclusive. (The ultimatum)

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • If you still want to keep her, at least keep her as a friend. Losing a person is a terrible thing. Be strong xx


What Guys Said 1

  • to make sure I'm the right one, she wants to have the option to see other guys. I stoped here. Ask her what exactly she's looking for? She say other options like what? Muscular or rich or what exactly? Thats tough Q and maybe you will leave her if you know what she want from the other options so ask her why exactly you need to see other options? Also tell her I will see other options and I may end up with crap girl but have big breast and big butt and blondy hair. Letting her see other options mean she could end up in the bed unless so be carful with that step


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