Left by my girlfriend and took our son with her. Reason? I got my female coworker pregnant. I'm so sorry. It already hurts, ok?

This is my second post here. I know that anyone who will read my post will curse me because of what i have done. Me and my girlfriend were not married, but my plan is to marry her. We've been together for about 5 years. i only started working just last year and also ended earlier this year. We always argue, coz we are both short tempered and cranky. But even though we are both aware of our personality, we still took the risks of teasing one another, then the jokes and teasing will turn into a more personal and offensive exchanges of words. But me, i sometimes instantly approach her and be sorry. And even though we are like that at times, we do laugh hard together, make fun of something or someone together. And now, i am paying the price of what i did about a year ago. In our 5 years of being together, i have never cheated on her until last year. I even dont want to be surrounded with girls, because she's a really jealous type of girl. So now, i can't explain to my self, to her, to my family, how such a very immoral thing happened to me, to my family. Coz, i really miss her, i miss my son. What should i do? Im asking for help, i already knew what kind of thing i have done, so please don't shove it on my face guys, cause im already paying for it, all i want is that all you guys here be supportive about getting my family back. Thanks guys


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anyone who knows me, @allmessedup00 knows I am Not one to point fingers, but give as much helpful advice in Any matter, no matter what the 'Matter, and yours is no exception to my golden goose rule.
    You made a mistake and probably will have to pay for it on your own end with the girl from yesterday who had your child, I am assuming, and now wants you to either pay her for this or make you part of her life and your Child's... You need to First clear this up with her.
    Now that your Other half has booked with your son, you do have rights and if she refuses to let you see him, get a lawyer and handle it with Care... You may have no choice in This.. Matter.
    She probably will never forgive and forget, many women hold grudges with something this bad, sad as it is.
    However, I am sure it taught you a hard lesson in love and in life, and you will probably yourself, no Matter, have to pay the price for the rest of your life.
    We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. If it is meant to be, God will bring it to Be again and if not, move on but for goodness sake, don't let her have the last word and upper hand with your own son.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Well, it turns that i have to wait for 3 more years for me to be able to fight for my rights. We have a law here in the Phils. that kids should be with their mom until they turn 7. I know that i'll be paying the price my whole life. But, can you think of any thing that might help me get her back again? I'm so desperate. I don't wanna lose her and yet i've done the most shittiest and dumbest thing to her. Thank you, ma'am. Stay safe

    • Oh, so welcome, sweetie, I see... Okay, so with that being said, now that i know about That, all you can really Do is Keep trying to win her back, by trying to talk to her and don't give up.. She may finally give you another chance...
      Thank you so much, you too be safe. xxoo

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're not going to get her back, she has no reason to ever take you back after you cheated on her, so give up on that.

    However, legally she can't keep you from seeing your son, unless you've done something to prove that you're not a good father to him.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • I think your ex did the exact right thing. If I were her I would never ever ever ever EVER forgive you. So you should probably get rid of the whole marrying her idea 'cause that's never going to happen.

    She does not, however, have the right to prevent you from seeing your son. Unless she takes you to court. You should contact her or someone near her when some time has gone by (a week or two) and explain that you wish to be a father to your son and inform her that you will get legal aid if she denies you your rights as a father.

    But the most you can get is split custody at this point. No marriage. No happy family. That ship has sailed.

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  • Well she probably needs time to heal and see how sorry you really are for the mistake. Sometimes distance can bring those who love each other back together even stronger. One thing you can do is began to show her some how that you really want the relationship and not the woman you did cheat with. We all make mistakes so she can't be mad with you forever. Just try calling and checking on her or text maybe. You don't need to keep saying sorry because I think she sort of knows that by now. Come from a different more manly direction by explaining also what you will do differently if she gives you a chance and ask her what does she need f rom you in order for her to trust you once again and make things work. I wish you all the best

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  • You're not getting her back ever but you can fight for your rights to see your kids. Just because you cheated doesn't mean you can't be a father for them.

    I suggest you to stop thinking you're going to even marry her, You're not. Just be there for both kids.

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  • You are a massive douchebag, plain and simple. She doesn't want your sorry ass back and to be honest, it doesn't sound like you two were suited for each other anyway, because you both sound very immature.

    That being said, unless you pose a threat to the health and safety of the child, she can't just take the baby away and deny access. Being a scummy human being when romantic relationships are concerned doesn't erase your parental rights.

    You have every right to see the child. Be on your best behaviour, document everything and get the courts involved.

    Forget this whole marriage bullshit, it's not gonna happen. You can't expect her to just forget you impregnated another woman. But you can fight to see your baby as it is your right.

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  • I have to be honest: it isn't likely that you will get her back. Given that your relationship was already dysfunctional, adding cheating on top of that is not going to make it any more appealing than it already wasn't.

    What you need to do is the right thing by working with the court to settle the issue of custody with your son and make sure you at the very least get scheduled time with him.

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    • Oh, as well as pay child support for the other kid that you just recently fathered.

  • You need to accept that for now, at least, the relationship is over. Focus on being friendly with her so you can continue to see your son, but don't try to win her back or you will alienate her. You MUST give her time to adjust to her new life if you want to see your son.

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  • I doubt you'll get her back. However, you should fight for your rights to be the father of your children. You should be a father to your son and the other baby. Also just stay single for a while. You're obviously not ready for one.

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  • There are no words and certainly no advice I could give you except lay it all out on the table and see what she does

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    • Hi there, ma'am. Thanks for giving ur opinion. May i ask you something?

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    • Or it's like we're being intimidated by each other

    • So are you even sure you should be with her? If she's happier away isn't that most important? Give it a shot anyway and see I have no idea how you could convince her put your heart out there and see what happens

  • It will take a lot of work to get her back. A lot of it.
    Your primary focus should be on being the best dad you can be, keeping your kids in your life and being responsible in regards to them.
    I feel like you have to be the best dad you can be to show her how important family is to you. As weird as it is to say, i think most women put the needs of their kids first and if you don't behave like an awesome dad it will just be the nail in the coffin of your relationship.
    You have to prove you care about her, every day.
    It won't be easy, and you have to be committed.
    She's justified in her feelings, you obviously know this, so you cannot complain about how hard it is or how slowly the process is going. Getting someones trust back is a difficult thing to do. Good luck.

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  • Well she probably isn't going to forgive you. You did the unthinkable and have now gotten someone else pregnant as a result. Above all else your main goal should be to see your son. She doesn't have the right to keep him from you a d if she doesn't wanna let you see him, then you need to involve the court system.

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  • You might not be able to fix this. Cheating is one of those special things you can do to a person to destroy them. Plus you got the other girl pregnant, I'm sorry. You don't need them back right now. You need to figure your shit out first.

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  • You'll still responsible for your son so she can't keep you from seeing him. Both of you can work on being co-parents perhaps.

    However, you're in a tough situation. Not only did you cheated but you also got another girl pregnant. So you're also responsible for that other child as well. As for getting your girlfriend back, I seriously doubt. There is a 0.001 of getting her back. Like another poster mentioned, we would hate being responsible for another woman's child from his affair and getting reminded of it.

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  • I'm very sorry, but it's very unlikely that she would take you back. You made huge mistake during your "trying to maintain the relationship despite all the fights" period. But you can still fight for your rights to see your son, and if by miracle, or if your girlfriend is the most forgiving woman on earth, maybeee, maybeee you can win her heart back.
    which I highly doubt tho. Sorry dude, it's your lose this time.

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  • I think your ex did the right thing. I hope she gets an STD test since you had unprotected sex obviously because you got your co worker pregnant
    You should get an STD test too
    If I were her I would get child support and joint custody and never talk to you unless it had to do with the kid

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  • She did the right thing. You took all her trust and faith and stomped on it. Now the pain you might be feeling is only a fraction of what she is feeling. You had your chance and you blew it. You make it sound like 4 years of not cheating is a really big accomplishment and you need a standing ovation for that...
    I can't really be supportive. It's not like you were forced to sleep around... Sorry, that's what yoz deserve.

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  • 1. She's stupid and been should've been broke up with you
    2. She should've gotten a new boyfriend (as a rebound or serious)
    3. Y'all can have shared custody or whatever with y'all son
    4. She'll be extra stupid for marrying a cheater

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  • Your plan is to marry her? Dude, that will never happen now. If she is smart she will never get back together with you. Now you gotta wait and apologize. Then you'll take care of custody of your son.
    You broke your family. Now face the consequences. Nobody knows what will happen. You may or may not get together again. But things will never be the same again. Another woman is carrying your child and jealous girlfriend was betrayed.

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What Guys Said 10

  • In my opinion, seems you need a polygamous relationship, 1 husband, 2 wife's and kids.
    So the kid (of your coworkers) is becoming problem.
    It's your pick now with whom you want to be, your Gmail is your soulmate. And if you know then there is nothing you can do except trying or moving on...
    BUT IN this case going back is never happening,
    Right now your priority should be the kid you had with your girlfriend and the kid you had with the coworker, I don't think you can salvage the situation of your love, but you can salvage the sign, the evidence that you once were crazily in love with someone and you screwed up...
    If you took care of kid, which is the signal that you still values what you two had, even if she does not care.
    In the end it will get ugly only. But if you respect and value the time and love you had take care of the kid, and be around her and if a situation happened like an accident or something came out where you found your love in the past and it repeated, then she might be willing to give you a try again! But it ain't happening any time soon and I can see a third guy coming into the picture, who is better competent then you and it ends ugly for you, cause she will lead him out her in front of you to punish you..

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  • I really don't know what to say, yes what you did was wrong no doubt and she was right was take such a decision but I don't think she can prevent you from seeing your son.

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  • Look, you were very wrong but I don't need to tell you that. You should already know.

    The thing is that you are wasting your energy telling us while you should be telling her all what you said here and more. Not only that. You should man up. Don't fuck it up by getting it on with other women

    You wanna be her man? Then BE a good man. You wanna be a father to your son? Then BE a good father. And do it before someone else takes that job

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  • There's no guarantee whether she's gone for good or not, no matter what she says.

    Usually women will nevre forgive someone who has cheated, but that's not to say it never happens.

    All you can do right now is tell her that you messed up, that you respect her decision and that if she ever changed her mind she could contact you.

    Say this without expecting anything and be ready to move on completely.

    If she does contact you, then you might have a chance. If she doesn't, you move on and find someone else - learn from your mistakes.

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  • Well, you can try and get back your relationship, but it's hard with the fact you fathered child with another woman. I hear women hate that as much as we hate raising some other man's child unknowingly.
    Just make sure to raise your son. Hopefully, she can move past this in time so you can co-parent effectively.

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    • P. S. That's some real Usher Confession shit right there. lol.

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    • I'm really ashamed of what i did, of what had happened. How can i end this?

    • You can't. Be a man, apologize for what you did (sleeping with another woman, and making a baby with her), be a good father, be a good person to your ex and current baby mama, try and enjoy life.
      No one wants to be around a mopey, pathetic guy.

  • You cheated and didn't expect her to leave your ass and get custody? What the fuck did you think would happen, IDIOT?

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  • get a lawyer

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  • Well don't beat your self up to much she just need time to her self to think about what's going on just give her her space she come back around to talk to you about the situation but it don't mean your relationship is over she might take you back but it want be the same just tell her you fucked up an tell her how you really fell an how you fucked up you be alright Can you help me with my? Please

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  • how can it be it's always people with poor characteristics like you, that can call themselves fathers and ruin the life's of their children. i hate guys like you.

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    • Hate guys like me? "LIKE ME?" You talk like i did something that only martians can do, huh? How could i ruin something that i just made? by the way, u dont have to like me, i'm not a fan of same sex relationships.

  • Depending on where you live, I'm sure the law gives you the right to visit your child. If your girlfriend is not cooperative, you may have to consult with a lawyer. As for getting your family back, it sounds like that ship has already sailed. Your girlfriend doesn't trust you anymore because you cheated; you can't press the Undo button on that. The best you can hope for at this point is visitation with your child.

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    • You are definitely right, sir. The ship has already sailed, and you won't catch up if you're just standing there and watch it leave. Can you please be honest with me, sir? I know that there's still hope, but so you think that there's still have chance?

    • I don't see any likelihood of getting your girlfriend back, but I'm sure there's a chance for you to get regular visitation with your child.

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