Is it wrong for my boyfriend to dump me because I'm busy with school and working?

I'm a premed and work full time as a assistant at a dental office. My boss who's a dentist pays me overtime sometimes to do paperwork and stay late nights on days when I don't have class. Although my schedule is busy, I try my best to incorporate my boyfriend in. I do love him and care a lot about him, but I know that I have to make a future for myself. He doesn't go to school, never bothered to go but he works at a restaurant full time and sometimes I visit him days off and drives him home as he doesn't have a car. He told me lastnight that he can't do this anymore. He can't continue to 'wait' for me. He says that he feels lonely and isolated. I felt slighted, like it was some slap in the face. All I tried to do was be the best I could. Pulling off straight A's, working hard and seeing him, if I couldn't we'd talk on the phone. I'm heartbroken that he'd do something like that. Was he wrong for that? Guys would you do this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had an Ex that left me because she was too busy for a relationship. I couldn't fault her for it. She had valid points, namely kids. We both loved each other very much but the timing was wrong. I think that last bit might apply to you as well.

    You have a lot going on and it's not entirely fair to put someone through that. You want it all but timing is key. Every time my Ex was with me I thought I was taking her away from something more important. She assured me that I wasn't but the feeling kept eating at me anyways. It wasn't the waiting that bothered me, it was the reschedules which I couldn't argue with that bothered me. Being upset and understanding it was no one's fault hurt non stop. Got a headache just thinking about it.

    Point is that if it's real love you have to hope that it will work out when the time is right for you both. No matter the pain she caused I still have hope we will see each other again.

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    • I still feel like breaking up with somebody because they're 'too busy' is wrong and by you feeling that way was just your own insecurities.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It sucks, but I don't think it's "wrong" necessarily, you guys are just incompatible.

    He wants someone who's around a lot, he feels lonely and isolated with the way things are, etc. and you want someone who can handle the fact that you have a busy lifestyle and be happy even when you guys don't get to see each other as much.

    I think he did both of you a favor. He wasn't happy in the relationship, so he shouldn't be made to stay. And you deserve someone who's supportive of your goals and can be happy with the amount of time you can spend with each other.

    I think perhaps next time, I would choose a guy who's got a lot going on in his life as well, because neither of you will feel the separation as much then, since you're both quite busy. Good luck.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • The reality here is that you two sound like very different kind of people. While he says he can't wait, what he is really saying is that he doesn't want a partner with whom he must fit into their living style. While he is wrong in the sense that if you care about someone you support them in what they are trying to do, there is also something smart about his recognition that the two of you may not be compatible. It's sometimes not enough to care about someone.

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  • I don't think it's "wrong", just that you two have different goals and priorities. If he is not happy and not willing to wait it out, then why should he suffer. Likewise, you deserve someone that supports your aspirations and helps you achieve your goals. Not all relationships work out, and this will hopefully lead you to the guys who will support you goals

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  • It's not wrong for you to pursue your studies and your job. It's not wrong for him to want more of you.

    It just means you two are not a match.

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  • Yes, he's wrong, he doesn't recognize your efforts. I wouldn't do this, it's unfair.

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    • Thanks for understanding. Seems most people feel otherwise. I wasn't expecting sympathy per say... I just can't see the reason behind it.

    • I disagree, women wanted to have their careers. You can't have your cake and eat it too. @asker

    • Men also benefit greatly from having 2 incomes instead of one. It's not just a one way street. No man wants a lazy woman.

  • I wouldn't think it's wrong for him to do that, but he should accept the fact that you're more of a busy person than he is, and you have so much to do to become successful in the future. From what i'm seeing, It seems like you're going somewhere, and he isn't really. But in the long run, I believe it's better off if you have this weight off your shoulders, rather than having it on top of school/work/social life.

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  • Yes it's just wrong and maybe a excuse why he dumped you. If he can't respect that your making a career for yourself than he's not worth it and you most likely you can do better..

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    • Thanks, I think so too. He knew what he was getting into. He was attracted to the fact that I was pre-med.

    • Your welcome more than glad to help :D

  • It's not wrong, just unfortunate.

    You're both two different people with different live styles. But someone dating a premed in full time work should accept that there's going to be little time for each other.
    Maybe it was just too much for him.

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  • Hey if someone can't stick it through your bad times then they don't deserve to be with you during your good times. You're very busy with school and you're building a life for yourself. As your boyfriend he should support and encourage that in you. I'm guessing he had an inferiority complex and felt like the lesser in the relationship.

    I wouldn't do that to someone but then again I'm also going to school. We shouldn't be with people who can't support our hopes and dreams. I feel like you will grow stronger from the experience and find a guy who really treats you well. He'll respect the amount of determination it takes to go to med school. Focus on your hobbies and school and you will eventually put him in the past where he belongs. Best of luck to you. I'm here if you need to talk so feel free to message me.

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  • Dump him and find someone more congruent with yourself and lifestyle. You want to be someone and do things he's done and fine with being a slave worker. When you are in your career you will have time for a man and he should have his own life and be fine when you aren't around.

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  • sounds like a good reason to me to leave a girl. if she's this busy now when will she find time to have kids and what not?

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    • It's only temporary. I had my clinicals coming up. You mean to tell me you wouldn't wait for the girl you loved to finish med school? That's harsh. I did make time for him when I had the time. He just wanted me to be available when he said.

    • Show All
    • 'No I probably wouldn't go for a girl that ambitious'. Seems like it's just your own insecurities keeping you from that. There's nothing wrong with having ambition. Will you tell your daughter/sister not to have ambition?

    • no ill tell my daughters to weight all their options and pick whats most important to them. also no im not insecure at all especially when it comes to intellect I scored in the high ninety percentiles of all portions of the mcat. why would you even think this would have anything to do with insecurity? that's just weird.

  • Neither of you is wrong, you just aren't compatible the way you are now. I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship where I didn't get to spend enough time with the other person.

    Its nobodys fault, its just unfortunate.

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  • Being busy with anything casual or productive is no reason to dump someone!

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  • I don't think it's wrong...

    It is what it is...

    I make a living as a landlord so I have a lot of free time...

    It would be annoying to be with some busy body

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    • Cause then how can you have sex all day?

    • Having free time isn't everybody's reality. He didn't necessarily have 'free time' himself, just more time than me. Most landlords around here have another job, so you're fortunate if you have that free time and don't need to sustain another income.

  • I would do this. I admire the fact that you are hard working, but I have better things to do.

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  • It happens more than you think. Unfortunate reason, but happens.

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  • No not really what do you expect him to do have a girlfriend he never sees?

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  • Demons hide among us.

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  • Well, if he's not doing either, he wants you to be around, is he working or going to school?

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  • He has every right. You don't have to like his reasons, but they're his, and breaking up is fine if that's what he wants.

    Grow up, get over yourself. I know it sucks, but that's reality for you.

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  • I have to side with you on this one. You're working hard to achieve your goals, and your boyfriend hasn't been supportive of your efforts. He shouldn't have ended the relationship, but given how directionless his life already was, I don't think it would have lasted long anyway.

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  • You obviously have very different goals in life and I would probably do the same thing because say he didn't chances are you will have your own practice and go and do fancy rich people things and he would hate going with you

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    • Yes but he was smart. I didn't date him because of the size of his wallet. He was intelligent but he didn't have the drive and all doctors aren't rich. I come from a poor family. Going in to medicine was my way out... you have the wrong misconception sir

    • Yes witch meansomething untell your 45ish you'll be swamped will studentake death but one day you will pay that all off then you will make good money

    • Fucking auto correct

What Girls Said 17

  • It seems that you are trying to Have and to Uphold a great promising future for yourself here, dear, and even have worked hard to include your SO in this game plan at hand.
    However, he has made up his mind that it isn't good enough, maybe too you are way Too Good, and he wants someone now, somehow, that can meet his simple schedule and is more at hand as a man.
    If you can't get on the same page, the writing on the wall and all, is just move on to being friends with someone the next time around, until you are more settled and contented to be in a relationship where both of you has the time down the love line.
    Good luck. xxoo

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    • I can see Both your points actually, however, you are more with going along with the flow and loving him unconditionally and he doesn't want this nor is he feeling the unconditional love enough to try, this guy. xxoo

    • Thank you, sweetie, for the upvote here, dear. xxoo

  • You guys aren't meant to be. You are ambitious driven and focused. You need a guy who shares those same traits and has that in common. He needs a girl who doesn't have many goals who has time to lay up with him when he wants. You can do better than him. If he hadn't broken up with you you'd have stayed. This will give you a chance to find a guy on your level.

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  • No, his reasons were perectly valid. You're only seeing it from your own perspective. This guy clearly needs more contact than what you were able to provide for him, even if you talked every day. He's just more of a relationship person, a person who thrives when he get to see his partner as often as possible. Whereas you're more of an independent person and you're perfectly fine with not seeing your partner as often.
    This clash in personalities is what caused him to break up. He has the right to find someone who he feels can fulfill his needs. You weren't it. He's not "wrong" for that, just like you're not "wrong" for being more independent. Even if your busy situation was only temporary this time, you'll never know when/if it might get more hectic again. And who knows for how long it'll be hectic. So if he hadn't broken up with you now, it most likely would have happened eventually anyway.
    Take this as a good thing. Now the both of you can find someone you're more compatible with.

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  • He's too needy and doesn't respect your goals. Sounds like you can do better. Congrats on all you are doing and good luck with it.

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    • Thanks. I'm just upset because I thought he was the one.

    • If he's smart, he'll come to his senses but you just stay focused on your career goals.

  • It sucks, it hurts, it feels like a slap in the face and you tried to make it work / care about him... but in the end, I don't think it was wrong. Honestly, if he can't handle the difference in lifestyle now, it was probably better he realized it and did something now before things got even more serious between you two. Lifestyle, ambition level, busy-ness are important factors to consider in serious relationships. I'm saying this as a medical student, I can only really imagine myself with someone with a similar level of "ambition" regardless of field he's in, simply because of mutual understanding of lifestyle and schedule. There are exceptions, but a person has to realize how he/she is and if he/she can handle it, and that honesty to himself/herself is in the best interest of both of you.

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  • You need someone ambitious

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  • Sounds like someone selfish. If some guy tries telling me to quit my major he can take a hike.

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  • So what, you expect him to just sit around twiddling his thumbs until you're free to fit him in? How is that fair to him?

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  • Yes he's in the wrong. Honestly I think he's intimidated that you're more successful than him and trying to make a name for yourself and he knows he can't or at least won't do it.

    You're did everything you can to make it work you have a job, you're in school, and you still made time for him and he ended it. Trust me you're better off without him he was only bringing you down.

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  • i don't think it is completely "wrong" for him to act like this... i mean you SHOULD have time for your SO and he might be feeling unimportant to you because you are almost always absent... no need to blame him

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    • We spoke everyday and I saw him on weekends.

  • Yesss he is completely wrong for leaving you ! Girl keep up with your progress your doing what you have to do and if he can't support you then he's definitely not worth it. NO guy is worth giving up your education and all you worked so hard for. Let him go his own way it's his lose for having a girl who actaully cares about her future. by the way congrats on all your accomplishments 😊

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  • I think it's a perfectly good reason to breakup with you.. I mean he is entitled to feel what he wants to feel.

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  • Don't let this affect you, you are doing absolutely great and you're thinking correct by studying and all. You two sounds really different, he just doesn't understand you!

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  • My dear, you are trying to build a life for yourself which takes much hard work and discipline. The 2 of you are on very diff life journeys. Not sure what his own life goals are, but you are a strong woman. In time, you will meet someone with a similar hunger for success in a career, who has the same passions and goals for success in life. You need that type of man to embrace life with and to encourage you. .. who will understand exactly what you're going through and support you. Also seems there is a diff in maturity levels btwn you and your boyfriend. Loving someone is 1 thing. Building a life with someone you love takes much more work. Do you honestly even have time right now for that? Don't lose your focus and momentum. You need those grades solid for med school entry.

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  • As soon as you said pre-med, you already had my sympathies. Was it wrong for him to break up with you... no, is it wrong for you to work on your success.. no. You are just two separate people currently not on the same wave length. Pre-med is a certain amount of hell that you have to be wholly devoted to to get to the next level which is more hell, but its worth it. The goal is worth it. You know that, which is why you're working to achieve that dream. Just ask yourself one question: would my life and my future improve by dramatically cutting back or deferring some semesters to be with my boyfriend? Odds are, the answer to that is no. He broke up because he's perhaps right. He doesn't want to be second in line to your schooling, but we're also talking about your future and your dreams here and sometimes you have to cut a few loose and let folks go that dont' support or at least understand what the dream means to you.

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    • I'm gonna be 25 this winter. All of my friends are starting to settle down, have children and many of them have started their careers. Than there's me. I just feel like such a loser. I won't be able to have that. A man who I could love and be with. I'm in my mid-20s and this was my 2nd real relationship. My parents already married and had me at this age. It's a bit disheartening.

    • STOP comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own life path. There is no rule book that says you need to be married and popping out babies because everyone else is doing it. That is absolutely no reason to do either! No one ever says in their wedding vows, "hey honey, I'm marrying you and want to have your babies because everyone else is doing it and I figured I should too." I understand your frustration with the break-up, but as I said, you two are just in different paths in your life right now. If you want to ditch the pre-med, and go off and try to find a boyfriend and make some babies, do that because that's what you really want and know will make you happy right now, but if you look down the road and see that you would completely regret giving up pre-med then you know you are exactly where you should be. Pre-med is hard. It sometimes demands sacrifices of your sleep, your social time, your sanity!, but you are working towards the end goal.

  • Honestly, if he can't be mature and understand you are busy, then I would leave him. I went to school full time (maintained Dean's List) and worked, and my boyfriend knew this before moving in with me. I would come around midnight and do as much as I could with him before needing sleep, and did my best on weekends.

    He grew resentful and purposefully made a mess in my apartment. He didn't work either, just played video games and whatever else he did all day. Complained that I never clean (I clean up after myself). He wouldn't talk about it, and said things to mutual friends about me that weren't true. That immaturity was annoying, so I broke up with him and kicked him out.

    You don't deserve to be treated like that, and your ex doesn't deserve you. I would take the time you need to heal and move on. There is much better out there!

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    • Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It seems like being successful and having a bright future isn't always supported by the man in our lives. My ex knew too. He had no issues talking about the future with me because he knew in another 2 or so years I'd be making almost 200-300K.

  • He does not sound ambitious at all
    How can he work full time and have no car? You deserve better and I think you should talk to him about this or go your separate ways

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