Seriously, how do people stop loving someone?

I had a very upsetting conversation with my ex today. I confessed that I still had feelings, and he (somewhat harshly) told me he no longer did and never would again.

How the hell do people just... no longer be in love with someone? He used to be so in love with me. I don't get how people just turn this on and off when it's so hard for me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I love you. <3

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Love is forever for me, but it changes over time. I have one ex that I was very in love with, and breaking up was terrible for a few months... but in that time my love began to change. It wasn't romantic anymore. I still love him, but I love him without any romantic feelings. It's like I am happy with the memories I have with him, and how much I grew during our two years together. I love him for being a great person and for letting me go when I needed to. I love the change he was for me. I am really having a hard time explaining it!

    Anyway... it's going to hurt for a while, and it's not going to be easy. Don't try to change or challenge what you feel. Be sad. Be angry. Be confused and frustrated and upset. Let the storm pass, and your skies will calm down. There's no magic trick for getting over a break up, just as there's no magic trick for falling in love. It just happens when it's ready.

    People who seem to turn these feelings on and off are faking it somewhere. Either they weren't honest in their feelings during the relationship, or they are hiding their pain after it ends. There's nothing wrong with you. Being emotive is healthy and strong.

    Take care of yourself, and spend some time alone and with friends if you are up to it. Don't try to force the love you feel away. It will transform into something peaceful if you give it time to rest.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I don't think anyone consciously reaches inside of their psyche and flips a switch on their love. When my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I loved her very much and I told her so. She changed her mind about whether she wanted to be married 9 times over a 7 month span. Over those 7 months, I loved her, I hated her, I wanted her, I didn't want her, I made love with her, I didn't want to touch her, I prayed for her to die a catastrophic death, I felt guilty about wanting her to die, I wanted to protect her, I wanted to be strong for her, I wanted her to come to her senses, and I thought about all of the good times we had shared. After 7 months, my feelings of love were not very strong and I wanted to get away from her so that I would stop hurting. I moved out and we got a divorce. I still care about her, I don't want her to die, I want her to have a happy life, but I don't want her to find anyone else. But I don't love her.

    I don't know how it happened for your guy but I slowly realized that the woman I thought that I knew, the woman that I had fallen in love with, no longer existed. I came to realize that my love had been built upon some misperceptions about her. If I had known in 2008 what I know about her now, we would not have had a second date.

    But it happened. I have moved on from her, i have tried to learn my lessons from the experience, and I have started dating. If you choose, you can step off of the carousel and be an observer of life instead of a participant, but life continues regardless of what we do. Learn your lessons and move forward.

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  • To do this you must first understand what love really is.
    You might already have lost your love for him, do you still love him as a person? Even after what he has just done? If you hate him for what he did and hate him as a result you are no longer in love. Love itself has nothing to do with feelings, they are entirely separate.

    I always use your case as the example, the i love him so much but i hate him kind of situation. To most this is highly confusion but the truth and the solution to this dilemma is very simple. If you have to wonder why you still love him, or hate him and love him at the same time. Then you can only come to the conclusion that you dont love him.

    The confusion is a result of the feelings you are having. You aren't asking how to stop loving him you are asking how to get over your feelings. These two are separate and i find it very important that people start learning this. Because once you discover the truth it helps letting go.

    So i hope that reading this far in you have come to the conclusion that you indeed do not love him and that all there is left are meaningless feelings. If this is the case then that is also your first step to letting go. Every time he or the feelings pop up rather then turning it into a romantic i wish i had him back fantasy (Which makes things more intense) remind yourself that he no longer is that person and think of him as he is rather then what you want him to be. Don't block him from popping up in your thoughts, dont change the subject but instead keep dealing with it the way you want to. Which is telling yourself the truth. Eventually your body will follow and the feelings will fade.

    The above helped me immensely in getting over people, i hope this eye opener helps you too :). If you have questions feel free to ask ^^.

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  • Well, that's strange, yes that can happen over time but not suddenly but then there can be some people who are like that. May be they are capable of doing that, maybe they are highly logical or something like that so they can control their emotions better.

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  • Some people are just like that, they move on really quickly, they don't have a stable lifestyle and it's OK.

    You really remind me of myself and my past relationship. Just like your ex, she was deep in love with me, but after a certain time she told me exactly the same thing as your ex told to you. I had the same reaction as yours and I understand what you might feel.

    In this point of view, you two were incompatible, but someday you will find someone who will. So don't lost time on him and make yourself happy :)

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  • That's how it goes with exs. You never go back. I tried once, but the very next day I had to break it to her. Those feelings are gonna and never come get back. She tried and tried for weeks.
    Whatever caused the relationship to end, he considered it final, even if not then, eventually, and that's how it goes.
    Never go back

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  • Nothing is unconditional.. not even love. That spark and fire you felt during the relationship can be put out

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  • Falling in love with someone else.. In time it fades don't worry

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What Girls Said 3

  • Some people don't like dwelling upon what happened or what use to be. They just like to move on from what happened as soon as possible. Others (you for this instance) like to remind yourself of what happened (because you still have feelings for him) which is a very common emotion.

    Some people find it easier to move on from someone when they disconnect from the person emotionally (so maybe that is how they can turn on and off from it do quickly). It's time for you to move on.

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  • Some people like your ex, just compartmentalize and let go once a phase has ended. He may have even thought about this for a long time, going through a similar emotional process as your before making the decision.

    Some people like yourself will just dwell on the feelings until time does its thing and lets it go. You should let go. Focus on other things.

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  • He's over you if he's the type of guy to switch off emotionally.

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