So I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years. He moved into my place the beginning of last year although he's successful and could afford his own rent. Anyways... we recently went to Boston and upon coming back he's been a total jerk. He comes home at late hours even though he's off at 10pm. He expects me not to question where he's been... but to just go with it. I know most of the time he's out with co-workers and such but he's just been super distant. He's also an alcoholic. I stay because I love him so very much... we got together when I was 17 and he was 18. Everything was going good until recently... This evening he didn't come home. I'm bummed... He won't even return my texts. Should I just ask him to find a place of his own? We have so many things and a trip to Mexico coming up but who wants to be there when you're just feeling used?
Most Helpful Guy
1. If you are dealing with an alcoholic, you must avoid being his enabler. That is bad for him so, ultimately, that is bad for you.
2. It takes more than love to make a relationship work. It also takes trust and respect. At the present, he is disrespecting you and you have no reason to trust him.
3. I rarely recommend ultimatums but I know you won't give up on him easily and you need to be convinced that you have tried to do everything that you could possibly do before you walk away from him.
4. You need to tell yourself that, if you walk away from him, it is permanent. If you simply walk away until he sobers up, you will be getting on a merry-go-round that is not very merry.1
Most Helpful Girl
I've been in a relationship for nine years. I had a lot of growing up to do while I got into it. I had moments where all I wanted to do was party and be about myself. My guy was never like that. I guess that's because we shared almost a decade of a age difference.
You and your guy have been together since you both were really young.
He missed out on a phase in life and is going backwards.
He may come to the point where he screws this all up.
There's nothing you can do to stop this.
I think you need to give him a choice either he a- leaves you or b - stops his behavior.
What he is doing his rude and disrespectful.
Don't be shocked when he chooses a and then wants to be back with you years later.
You have to move on and not put your life on hold2