Why do I still hate my ex 3 years after we broke up?

Me and my ex were together for almost 2 years. When we were 6 months together he cheated on me and I found out a month later. Because love made blind I forgave him and he told me he would never do it again. After we broke up in 2012 I found out from mutual 'friends' that he cheated on me serveral times and lied to me about where he was all the time. In the last month of our relationship we had fights almost every day and he'd tell me some pretty hurtfull things and made me feel like I was nothing and worthless. One time he was even violent and slapped me. So, this happened in 2012 and in 2013 I started dating another guy who I really love and we're still together. He's perfect to me and I couldn't wish for anyone better but I still think about my ex too much. Not that I have any feelings for my ex, except for hate feelings. With 'thinking' about my ex I mean like looking him up on Facebook to check if something horrible has happened to him, which I hope. Like a few months ago I saw on FB that he and his girlfriend had a pretty bad break up and it made me feel good because I don't think he deserves a nice relationship. I just really feel the urge to check in him to see if something bad happened to him, because after everything he'd done to me I don't think he deserves bad things happening to him. How can I change this behavior and make sure I don't check his social media? And why do I do this? Please help!
I meant: because after everything he'd done to me I THINK he deserves bad things happening to him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Quite often, when a couple breaks up, the one getting dumped feels that the dumper has done all of this to the dumpee, as if the dumper has misbehaved or done whatever as a way of punishing the dumpee. You need to realize that the dumper is a flawed human being who does the same things consistently and none of it was done as a special way of punishing you. Hopefully, if you accept that truth, you will find the ability to forgive (not forget) and let go of your anger.

    You do understand that nothing you do now really punishes him, right?


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