Was I a fool for believing him or was I led on?

I started seeing a man is his 40's with no children who never has been married. We would see each other almost every weekend and always have a date each weekend. I am 28 and have a 4 yr old so of course my time was limited. As all relationships go things were great in the beginning. I really thought he cared for me because he introduced me to his close married friends as well as his siblings. It had been about 2 years since he was with anyone. I guess I thought with the following signs above that things were going great and even more so, when his female friend who is married to his best friend said it had been a while since he has brought another woman around.

So last week things got a bit tense and he needed his space, which I gave to him. I had however been noticing little things here and there, like him not doing the sweet things for me like he used to. Well today I got a text from him basically saying how great of a person I was but how we should stop seeing each other because he cannot give me what I need. I am hurt, and i have cried but I accepted things as they were.

I find his actions weird because he was the one talking about the future, gazing into my eyes deeply and asked me to spend the night at his house in his bed. (no sex happened) I then awoke to an empty bed. I asked him and he says it was just "weird" having someone next to him. He also talked about wanting a "permanent" relationship with me. So I am just wondering if it sounds like he had issues with intimacy or perhaps was emotionally unavailable. I just find it strange that he'd do all of this and then bam want to break up.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he freaked himself out a bit. He thought he was ready for the next step but found himself to do it. For him to stop with texting and then try to make leap into intimacy but found out he couldn't was enough to convince him he isn't ready to go beyond casual dating yet. Shame.

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    • I think so too. I guess I may have misread him because who invites a person to meet their closest friends and family only to dump them 2 wks later. I also have to spank myself for this one because I should have known better than to get involved with a guy who never had children, marriage or any other long term relationship. I guess you live and you learn.

    • I wouldn't blame yourself. I think he meant well but it's so hard I think for some to be in relationship when you never really been in one.

    • why do you think his friends were so surprised by his behavior. They are married couples and they seemed to really like me. They were making comments about him in regards to him sharing things with me and how he normally doesn't do that etc. I guess I am just astounded bc 10 days ago him and his friends did a group trip together and he was taking picture of me etc.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • you were both. no older man wants a young girl for anything other then sex and a maid/nurse.

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    • That's not true.
      I've dated men 43 plus and they've never seen me as a young girl but a young lady.

    • People don't focus so much on age when they have everything in common

    • or anything else

  • Someone's got daddy issues

    Anyway, no one knows, but remember, people go through life, bullshitting. It's up to you if you want to believe them or not

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What Girls Said 2

  • Simple here, @dollface1987, he Grew Cold duck feet and now is giving you lame duck excuses With... Bam want to break up.
    Good luck. xx

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    • so you think Paris13 that he may have at some point wanted more. One thing about him that bugged me was that he seemed very non communicative. Not that I expected to text every day, BUT since we didn't see each other very often the amount of texting or real communication was somewhat limited

    • I think he May have Thought He wanted more which happens, and suddenly just grew these cold duck feet, thinking it better not to go further. When he said it 'Was just "Weird" having someonenext to him, he was growing and had already grown these cold duck feet and didn't want a relationship after all.
      It is best to know now, sweetie, then to be led down the love line in time with a "Weird duck" himself.
      It seems he was Communicative enough to Talk about More Permanent plans with you but I think perhaps he got More Distant with thinking to himself that he was not Ready for anything Steady, and became even less attached and More Detached. Also, being that you both didn't see one another too much, Texting and talking on the phone would have been a good way but he chose not to. xx

  • There's a reason why he's that age with no family.
    This is your answer.
    He uses women pretty much and distances himself.
    Something seems to be stopping him from wanting anything more.

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