Why did my ex pester me to be friends, but then not make an effort?

Here's a little important background info. She broke up with me 8 months ago after a 1.5 year relationship because she missed me.. being in a long distance relationship. There was also another guy in the picture that contributed to our downfall. I truly loved this girl. I haven't loved anyone more to this day. Oh, she also started dating that guy after 4 months of leaving me.

She was my first girlfriend and first true love. I was her first true love. She wanted to be friends at first and I agreed. Stupid mistake. It hurt to be her friend because the feelings were still there so I ignored her for a couple weeks. She tried to be my friend again.. I agreed.. Then I ignored her for another 3 weeks. She just kept asking me and I had the feeling that I wanted her in my life, but it hurt too bad then. Then one night she called me like 6 times and texted me as well. I ignored all of them until the next day. That's when I told her I'm sorry for ignoring her, it won't happen again and I truly want to be friends now. That's what she wanted all along. We talked as friends for one day and then she went silent. It's been 3 weeks since she's talked to me.

Now that you have the background story, here's my problem. She pestered me to be her friend for months, and then now that I am, she makes absolutely no effort. I have no desire to talk to her because I'd rather she talk to me. Her actions are speaking louder than words and I feel like I made a mistake in wanting to be her friend. Why do girls do this? There has to be a reason


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's funny that I had that same situation with my ex. At times when people break up it's hard to not have that special person that you shared so much in your life so you try to do anything to have a kind of bond with that person. But in my case all my ex wanted is to be friends with me so that when he felt lonely he would have someone to go to and to show off that he was doing better than me. I think the best thing you can do is take time away from that person and try to heal and be by yourself and when you feel that you have nothing against her or you don't feel the same way you did before then you can try to be friends with her. At times it's very hard to be friends with exes that haven't gotten out of the I maybe still into you stage. Because if you get a girlfriend or she gets a boyfriend things can get complicated. I hope I helped and good luck!

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    • Thank you for your opinion. Pertaining to her boyfriend, her boyfriend knows how much I meant to her and changed her life for the better. I could move on, but it'll just take a long time. What's weird is that I want to forget about her, but it really hurts me when I know she forgot about me after everything I did for her. Like I want to better myself, but it hurts when she betters herself. It just makes me feel like I wasn't truly important to her. It makes me feel forgettable. It makes me weary of going to another relationship because the thing is that I want to be the best boyfriend on this Earth, but if everything I ever did a forgettable, then what's the point

    • I think it is normal for you to feel that way because she was the one to break up with you and you did not expect it. My ex did the same and I know it really sucks but it gets better over time and then you will see why it did not work out. Try working on your dreams like your collage degree and by time you will see new things that will come in your life. I don't think you will ever forget completely your first love in my case it's been 6 years since my first love broke up with me and I still think about him from time to time but I just think of him as nice memory and the things I nee to work on for next relationship and what to look for in a guy now but I don't what to go back with him because as time passes we as people change and so does our likes and dislikes. You will see that as you grow life will keep on telling you why things did not work out and down the road you will find the one who is ment to be your one and only. Have a nice day!

    • sorry for the grammer mistakes lol.

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