Breaking the heart break cycle?

I've been that girl who is usually single but never available for years now.

I've had a few boyfriends and several long term friends with benefits (I'm talking years) and almost always had someone I had feelings for in my heart. I've always had a hard time getting over someone unless I cared for someone else, which makes it hard to date for real. It's like I'm always emotionally hung up on an ex or a friends with benefits that doesn't want me. Although I've been physically single, emotionally its like I've moved from guy to guy to guy with no lucky break.

I'm coming to terms with it, but I feel like heartbreak upon heartbreak has piled up now that I am actually trying to cling to feelings for no one. Does anyone have advice? I have been literally depressed for a couple months over this and I don't want to fall back into the black hole.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Glad that you're aware of it. You create quite a hell for yourself don't you...Sounds like you need to create something else to think about...Join a club, get a fun hobby and keep yourself busy from feeling sorry for yourself, which, is what it comes down to...You really aren't doing anything different from the rest of us and we can't define ourselves by the guys we go out with that are having the same types of difficulties in their relationships as we are...Be glad you've had those relationships, learn from them and move on...That is all any of us can do...Best of luck. Cheers!

    • Thanks. I think the most painful part is how long I didn't really realize what I was doing. Its like those people who get up to 500 lbs and didn't have it sink in to them what they were doing to themselves until one day it just clicks.

    • If you think about it, what a wonderful experience you are having now. A new reality to do with what you want. Have a blast!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Pour yourself into your passions, the things that are meaningful to you, the things you might do as your life's work even if nobody ever paid you a dime for it. Those are the things that will make you happy and feel fulfilled. If you don't know what they are, dabble in interesting activities, hobbies and social circles until you find them. Also try volunteering--puts you in a whole new frame of mind. Catch up on quality time with friends and family.

    And there's no shame in talking to a close friend or seeing a therapist if the depression gets too much to handle. But you may not even need it. When you learn to love yourself and pour your energies into things you enjoy, you'll realize you never will need a man to make you happy. A good relationship will complement your life, not define it. Best of luck.


What Girls Said 1

  • There's a reason you are in this emotional rollercoaster. I believe that you feel better when you are in a relationship because you feel needed and wanted. You are a serial lover but you forget that relationships don't define you. Have you tried being single both emotionally and physically? Learn to love yourself even if you don't love someone else and/or they don't love you.

    • Thanks! To be honest, this is the first time in like 10 years that I've been emotionally single. Its bizzare to me, because I've been "single" most of that time but almost always involved with someone in some way. The sudden blast of awareness is really startling.

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