Why is it in your opinion some guys run when they start catching feelings?

I am a bit dissapointed. I started dating a man who I met online. Everything was going really good for the most part, what i mean by that is no real issues. He was highly introverted so sometimes it was hard to get him to communicate. He introduced me to his friends and his sister and his sister even told his mother that he had a "lady friend" lol.

When I was around his friends, they were astounded by his behavior. They never seen him share the way he does with me. I could tell that he was into me. There were times when we'd be out and he'd be sitting across the table from me just staring into my eyes deeply and he discussed the future. Well a few days ago I got a text from him basically saying that I was a great person but he does not think he can give me what I need in a relationship and that he does not THINK we'd be happy in the long term so we should stop seeing each other.

Of course I was hurt, BUT I told him I understood but I do like him but if things are not mutural I get it. I could tell he was catching feelings, but you see he has never been married and is in his early 40s. My question is why do guys run when you can sense they are catching and is it possible to get him back. I have not been texting him or anything and it's only been like day 3.

Updates:
I also think it may have bothered him when we were on the couch and he got an erection and we had sex. Well afterwards I got up and was getting ready to leave. He seemed kinda put off and was saying how he shared his bed with me (I spend the night) and I just seduced him and ran, lol

0|0
38

Most Helpful Guy

  • He figures he has nothing to offer you that another guy won't have a better version of, so he is cutting the ties now before he gets too attached to minimise the hurt he'll feel when you inevitably (in his mind) dump him.

    If you have any insecurities or low self-esteem or related issues, it is remarkably easy to self-sabotage or otherwise convince yourself that you are unattractive and undesirable, and it's only through dumb luck that you've even gotten this girl going out with you in the first place. In the most extreme cases this causes martyrdom like you see here: the guy is basically turning you loose to get the dream guy he thinks you deserve rather than stupid ugly him.

    0|0
    0|0
    • His friends were so shocked how he was around me which makes me feel like he saw me differently. Do you think there is a chance he will come back? If so, how can I maximize this opportunity?

    • Yes, he saw you differently and couldn't bear the thought of opening up and having you then disappearing; he'd have been devastated and retreat even further into his shell and triple-lock the door behind him.

      Will he come back? No. In my view, this is your chance to prove to him you genuinely want to be with him by reaching out to him. Reassure him that you have no intention of going anywhere.

      HOWEVER, be really really sure before you do this. Consider why he'd be afraid he wouldn't fulfill your needs in a relationship. Are his reasons justified? Are you willing to totally accept him? Don't pursue him unless you're positive this is going to be a serious thing.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • A lot of men hold a ton of self-loathing. They're convinced they aren't worth anything, and if you don't end up hating them, then they'll find some way of ruining it eventually.

    I used to be the same way. Broke up with someone great because I knew she would either break up with me, or I'd drag her life down with mine.

    Some people get the experience to learn from it all, like me. Other people don't, and get stuck believing the worst in themselves.

    There's a chance he meant exactly what he said, and you should convince him otherwise. There's also a chance that he said that to let you down easy, and it's better to let it go.

    Can't really say which is which, but judging by the fact that he's introverted (common for people with low self esteem), it's probably the former and not the latter.

    If you want it to work out, make it happen. Guys like him assume the worst about themselves, and need some convincing to think otherwise.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He isn't relelationship material. His attitude is "why buy a cow when the milk is free". Move on

    0|1
    1|1
  • Do you know anything about his past relationships and women in his life? Maybe something happened that caused him to act like that.
    You should have also asked him why he thinks you guys won't be happy together. You deserve a real explanation. Tell him you too have feelings for him, be honest about that.

    Some guys fear getting too vulnerable with a person so when they see they're becoming more vulnerable, they try to shut down again.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Sadly all I know is that he has not had really any long term relationships. I know he has never cohabitated with another. I do feel his excuse is a cop out, but I know there were feeling there. I already told him that I liked him but if he is not happy, then I understand.

  • to be honest men don't have commitment issues. commitment issues are a women thing for the most part the statistics back this up. sad to say but most women now are not worth committing too. men are simply doing the cost benefit analysis and realizing that its not worth their time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sometimes, men are afraid of not anything on the outside, but things on the inside. Some guys are insecure of themselves, worried that some problem he has will bare itself and end up hurting those he cares for. Others are afraid of feelings, mistrusting others and alienating himself so that he can't be hurt by those close to them.
    I should know. There was a point in my life when I was there myself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • everyone has a reason as to why the say whtever they say... if his sorry bt wht he said he will eventually come around... mean while forget him

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because he doesn't think it's real. He doesn't want to be hurt, just like women do the same

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • It doesn t matter what reasons he gave you. Maybe those reasons are true maybe not. What matters is that he clearly told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. At this point you should let him be. Don't make the mistake of believing you can be the one who can take him out of his shell and fix him. Not having a serious relationship until the age of 40 should be a big red sign for you. He will change and commit to a relationship only if he feels he wants that relationship. What his problems are shouldn't be your concern because in the long run you ll just get hurt. Use your precious time to be happy not trying to sort out other people's problems.

    0|0
    1|0
  • It all sums up to the fact that they're not ready for what you're ready for. Whether it's because they're immature, they'd rather stick their d*ck in random holes, or they're still heartbroken; they are simply not ready to embark on the romance you wish to experience. So that means you have to let it go, move forward, and respect yourself enough not to subject yourself to daily disappointment and frustration.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Thanks! I guess the confusing part is that he was the one initiating all of this. I, in fact, thought in my head it was a little premature to be meeting his friends etc. He was talking abut the future and all of these things and while i was excited, I didn't go crazy with it. I sensed that he was falling because when he would take me home and I'd be in his car he would just turn towards me and stare with eyes that could pierce my soul

    • I see how that could be confusing but if he is verbally saying that he's not ready, then that is what you must listen to rather than assuming that those dreamy gestures trump what he has verbally indicated about what he wants. You cannot force a man to want you. You cannot force a man to be with you when and how you want. And while it may not be your intention, it's actually pretty self-centered to attempt and override his current wishes for your own.

      At this point, you are overanalyzing and excessively reading into even the tiniest possibility that you could get what you want.

  • my ex did the same to me, it is more than a month now. i tried to contact him, but he never replied. so i gave up and move on. he said he likes me, but not enough to marry, he knows i want to marry , start a family, he didn't want to waste my time. i was devastated. he ignored me. i couldnt bear it. i gave up. i think if he really like you, he will come back to you, but you should move on make yourself happy now. time is too valueble for girls, value it!!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;