Am I doing the right thing?

My wife had a 12 month affair, but didn't confess. I found out. She didn't wanna be with the other guy but im wondering if she really loves me or if she's just using me for a comfortable life & security etc.

No matter what she says or I ask will it really be the truth? I know people say talk to her but i feel betrayed, not respected. Dont I deserve better than that?

I havnt spoken to her for 6 weeks now. I feel its upto her to sort her sh*t out. She cheated not me & not once but several times with the same guy.

Im not begging or chasing her thats upto her.

Am I doing the right thing?

Updates:
by the way No contact is to show her I am willing to walk away, so she knows she can't walk over me, treat me like a doormat/option and that I'm not one of these guys that's like "Oh you cheated on me but its ok, I'll take you back".

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry you are going through that. I would tell her you know about the affair. She where she stands now. Talk first, tell her how you feel, allow both doors to be open, then decide later. Personally, if I was ever betrayed I could never continue with that person, especially a year long affair! I would always worry and suspect. That's definitely not a healthy relationship to be in. Know you deserve better.

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    • Thank you for MHO! :)

    • No problem. Thank you for answering my question

    • If it was a one time thing and you loved her enough to forgive her, and she was truly sorry and wanted to move forward with you, then that would be an entirely different situation. In your case, it was a whole year, and you had to find out on your own. She kept it a secret from you. There's no trust and respect in this relationship. Cut your losses and move on.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Sometimes women can be gullible and are seduced, if the man is expert enough. That said, this was a HUGE mistake on her part so I'd wait for her to come crawling back. If she wants to talk, and she pursues you, if you want to, you then get to call the shots going forward to have her make it up to you.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Yeah. You are.

    She's the one that did wrong. If she doesn't want to be with you, why should you want her back. If she does, it's up to her to fix it.

    A relationship is two halves. If one person does all the work, that's not a relationship. That's either an obsession or slavery.

    I mean, she cheated on you for 12 months, and didn't confess about it. She's clearly not thinking about you in this situation, and do you want to be with someone who doesn't care for you?

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  • You are doing this all wrong. You are suppose to be taking charge here and sorting out what you want to do. Do you still want her or are you done with this shit? This is your choice so don't let this be a mistake you regret.

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  • She clearly cheated, and said she didn't want to be with the other guy, but then cheating on you with that guy... That's a red flag my friend. Just leave, there's no point trying to be back with her. She's trying to manipulate you. And you are doing the right thing to avoid her. Gotta leave that bad vibe from yo life.

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  • Yes you are!
    Because i think she is want's a perfect guy for herself.
    That is sore words but i think that is truth.

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