Why should I forgive and wish the ex well?

I've been reading John Gray's Mars and Venus Starting Over and I started to read about forgiveness and letting go of resentment in order to move on.

Here's a passage from the book:
"When we feel resentful, our biggest challenge is to say goodbye with forgiveness and love. Although we have a right to feel resentful, our new challenge is to remember the love we once felt and then forgive our ex-partner for his mistakes. By taking the time to grieve our loss fully, it is eventually possible to release all our resentments and to wish our partner well."

Is it me or does this sound like superficial bs? Why would I need to forgive someone and wish someone well who has opened up a world of hurt that I never felt existed?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because now with that painful experience you have learned a valuable lesson. May have never needed to happen but it is something that will make you respect those who haven't hurt you even more.

    Those are the people that need your full attention. (You may have not met yet) however you will be more open and ready when your full heart and attention is focused on them rather than some jerk in your past.

    Resentfulness is a killer. It closes you off and makes you bitter. people pick up on that and sense you have emotional turmoil.

    I know people that are bitter still alone and have a hard time making close friends. All while they are complaining and bringing up old past deeds by someone who is long gone from their lives. AND most likely don't think about them in the least.

    Forgiving and letting go and wishing them the best in life is exactly what we need to do to grow and be OK in life.

    We get what we give. So forgive and live!

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    • Thank you for answering!
      I get nobody likes bitter people who are constantly complaining, particularly about people that they haven't even met. However, can you sense that someone is bitter about the ex if they never mention it? And isn't the state of being indifferent about your ex already enough?

    • Thank you for responding back.
      Bitter people have aura about them that you can sense as a negative and or non inviting way about them that holds people back from pursuing a resentful person.
      I do not believe condemning someone for the rest of their life for doing something bad or horrible. Usually it has something more to do with their our character defects rather than going out to deliberately harm me to be begin with. So just knowing that nobody gets the book of life figured out and that life is a mess of lessons along the way. Hopefully that person may figure it out but if not doesn't mean I have to resent them for it. But it does mean they do not deserve to have me be apart of even more lessons to be learned, so that person can kick rocks.
      I will forgive them and hope for the best for them, As I move on.
      (Resentment kills you, not the person it is directed towards)

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What Guys Said 1

  • forgiveness means (self-esteem) that you give yourself more options for a better life and many opportunities to learn the secrets of happiness, and all of these actions meet in one word (forgiveness).
    it's your choice not to forgive. but that's will make a cover between your heart and your mind which creates hatred and desire for revenge. in the end it's your choice to live happy or not

    thank you for sharing us a passage from the book.
    wish happy+ Good luck
    =)

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    • It seems like you think one cannot live happy without forgiving everyone?

    • Forgiveness is to reach a point where you realize that you're not in need of anger and feeling that you're a victim. is to help yourself to going in life steps forward rather than standing in the same painful experience, in the end the most important point to know that forgiveness is a gift from you to (you)
      (ツ)

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