Is it a good idea to try to get her back?

I got dumped almost two weeks ago after leaving my best friend's wedding. It was a long night, and an even longer fall break. My girlfriend said that she isn't the right girl for me and etc. The whole "it's not you it's me." Fast forward a week later and we sit down to talk. I told her didn't appreciate her dumping me the night of my friend's wedding and that she should have done it beforehand. I also found out that she dumped me because I got attached too quickly. I told her when we first started dating that I may get like that, and to tell me if I do, so I can pace myself, but she doesn't like to talk about problems so she never said anything. I don't want to blame her, but I can't fix what I don't know. Then again you could say that if I didn't get attached, we wouldn't be in our current situation. She feels like she deserves me being cruel to her, but that's not who I am. I forgave her, and said I'd try to be friends.

I've never gone after an ex, but I have to try with her. I feel like she didn't want to break up with me, it's just the circumstances. We're both in college, I'm a sophomore and she's a freshman. I think the stress of adjusting, and her never having taken dating seriously influenced her choice. Plus she's doing a complete 180 from her parents. They're very religious, she's an atheist, but they don't know that. I think that because of the disconnect in her home life, she never learned to talk about problems. I'm patient, and I can wait for her to open up. If she had told me I was being clingy, I would have backed off. I'm really good about things like that, I just need to be told. After things have settled in say, a month, I'm going to see if she'd give us another shot. She's taking this hard, because she's never had a partner care about her, so she's not sure what to do. We were good together, and if given another opportunity, I really believe that we'd make it work.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I used to think like you... And I can't judge you for trying though in my gut I see red flags a waiving.
    Communication is the #1 most important thing in a relationship right next to trust, even above love.
    The fact that she calls you "clingy" when all you doing is expressing your honest feelings for her? Doesn't sound like it allows you to be true to yourself or to express yourself freely... How you say it's as if though she wants you to be cruel to her, dude... She sounds a bit mixed up in the head. Throughout your post I'm hearing rationalization as to why you think she's going through these issues... I'm just going to tell you straight up, it's apparent that you care for her, but it's you that are making excuses for her behavior... Not her.
    For my experience I have noted some women are not very direct and don't want to hurt your feelings anymore than they have to... But if she wanted to be with you dude, she would.
    All that I'm saying is you need to be with someone who can accept you for who you are, and not push you away for being more than what they want you to be.
    Like I said in the beginning... I cannot blame you for wanting to at least give it a try, my advice would be to keep yourself guarded... Like, give her her space... the try not to delusion yourself into thinking you can help her change herself... And god damn it don't let her change who you are, you sound like a good guy... Trust when I say, whatever she's going through doesn't have anything to do with you... And there is a possibility you're going to get tangled up in this if you emphasize too much with a problem that is not yours... And let her tell you that you are not worthy because you care about her.
    I'm sorry man, that just sounds like complete crap to me... If a woman cannot love you in the same way that you love her... No matter how much it hurts, you have to let her go.

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    • I agree with what you're saying. I'm a king of rationalization and being a psychology major doesn't help, but if you used to think like me like you say you did, then you know I have to try. Even if I am making a mistake, it's one that I need to make. And if I get hurt again, then oh well. I appreciate what you're telling me, I really do. I promise you this though, I won't let her change me. You're a good man... for a Gman ;)

    • Yeah... I already knew you would try ;)
      Let me tell you though... As a psychology major, you know what this is, don't you?
      It's OK, I understand the heart wants what the heart wants, eventually the brain will take primary control... Just recognize when enough is enough, it's almost like a form of self abuse to go beyond a certain point... Ya know?
      My only advice to you is to know when to cut the heartstrings, when to cut your losses and move on.
      Just remember, like a conveyor belt, there will always be another one coming down the line!
      Good luck and Godspeed! :)
      I wasn't always a Gman you know ;)

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think you should. Second chances in dating are not the greatest idea.

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  • Aww, I think u should , u sound understanding and patience is a virtue. I wish u luck. I hope she sees you as the land you described u are in this thread. Good luck

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  • Maybe you should leave it alone for a while and see if she returns to you. She sounds like she has some personal issues she needs to work through. Maybe the wedding had her thinking too hard

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  • Your choice.

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