How long is it going to take for my boyfriend to get over his ex-wife? How can I help him move on and to accept our relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months and living together for 4 months. He got divorced about a year ago and until now I can see he isn't over his ex-wife. Yesterday he had a gathering at our place with all of his male friends and I went out to leave them alone, when I came home he didn't hear me come in as I came in quietly cus I heard them talking about his ex-wife. He was going on about how hurt he still is, how angry he is at her... I heard him say he still cries about it and he still loves her even after what they've been through. His wife cheated on him and left him for someone else yet he still loves her? I was so hurt hearing this I couldn't figure it out. They dont have any children together so he has no reason to stay in contact with her (he says they don't talk anymore but I'm not sure if he's telling me the truth).

I confronted him and we got into a bit of an argument. He got mad at me for "snooping" and said how can I expect him to get over her so quickly when he was so in love with her. He said that he loves me too though and he doesn't want to screw things up with me because he can see how much I love him.

What am I supposed to do? I do love him a lot. I know he isn't over her and that he's very hurt by what he went through and I'm trying really hard to give him his space to get over her and to mourn but I can't help getting frustrated because I want to move things forward with our relationship as I am in my mid 30's and I want more and I want to have a family. I feel like he does love me too but he's sometimes emotionally closed off and doesn't want to talk about getting married.

How long am I supposed to wait for him to get over her? Has anyone else had success with this? Guys do you have some advice on what I can do other than giving him space and letting him know I love him no matter what?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • How long have they been split for? Was it a quick divorce?

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    • Yeah it was kind of a quick divorce, they were separated for about 5 - 7 months i'm not really clear on that part and the divorce was official exactly 1 year ago and we've been together for 11 months

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    • With my boyfriend I know that I committed to him because after everything he was what I wanted and fit the description... I won't lie, it hasn't been easy!

      Just stick with it...

    • ok thank you

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should move out. Or find a way to spend time apart. I know you love him and he may love you but it does sound like a bit of a rebound situation where he really never had the time to mourn the loss. That's not to diminish your relationship just the natural psychology of it all.

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  • WHOA NO NO NO!
    My boyfriend has an ex wife too and if that was him, not only would I break up with him, I would lose it!!
    Please please please leave him girl please.

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