What should I do?

Long story short, me and my boyfriend split last night, after a heated argument. Saturday he wanted to take a break on my behalf, saying that I needed time to figure out my life and such. Although I didn't agree, I understood and respected his decision, too tired to argue. I've been working overtime and my sister is pregnant, awaiting to give birth, so I've been distracted and therefore neglected my relationship a bit. I thought we could make it through, I thought he understood, but no. Last night I said my peace and told him I wouldn't go about pretending and acting like this was okay. - He claimed I had been ignoring him, but we had been talking every day of the month, I had said I loved him and done my part to emphasize the importance of his presence in my life - telling him he was the only thing that kept me from breaking, my light, but he discarded it all. He told me I could either respect his decision or walk away. His vision was so clouded and he only, just like before, focused on the bad. So, I ended off with a long message about how wrong he was and how blind he was for taking my love for granted and spitefully mentioned that his decision would leave me alone with my problems, sarcastically saying "let's hope you're right" - blocking all means of contact.

Now, I'm completely alone again and I hate it. What am I to do? I feel broken, shattered, hurting so badly and I'm so confused. I'm also furious and angry, because I don't understand how he could do this to us, how he could question every aspect of our relationship and discard every attempt I made to answer them for him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Relationships are hard and require a lot of work. From what I'm reading this is a clear miscommunication of needs from both ends. He's feeling neglected, you're feeling like he's not understanding your situation and it seems like neither of you are really leveling with each others situation. Remember, his concept of feeling appreciated is probably more attention than just a phone call everyday. While that is something that works for you, it isn't working for him. At the same time, he needs to understand that you're schedule isn't allowing you to simply offer that amount of attention. If he is sounding as aggressive as you've written him, this seems like he is hurt as well and is lashing out. When a guy is hurt they start to swing wildly and usually you're the only thing he makes contact with.
    There's some things you need to consider before trying to get back together, if that's what you want. First, you need to ask yourself if you're in a position to be in a relationship. Some people are just too busy for one, and that's ok because eventually they work out their schedule for one and you might be too busy for one. Secondly, do you think he is someone you want to work with? I don't think you should judge too quickly, but I still think there is some hope here.
    If your intentions is to fix this, then you need to do a few things. The first being the re-establishing of communication since nothing else can happen. You need to be able to contact him and vise versa. Then, when you can talk to him, you need to apologize. You don't need to apologize for your situation but you do need to let him know you're sorry how things turned out and how you treated him. If you feel like you did nothing wrong, then you need to re-evaluate your behavior towards him, more importantly how he viewed your actions towards him. I'm not saying you're wrong, since no one is wrong. But you need to remember people, even guys, have pride and feelings. SO keep that in mind when talking to him. You need to explain to him your situation and then talk to him about his situation. Mostly his situation and needs. I'm not trying to make it all about him, but he is the one you care about, so finding out what he wants and what he needs is extremely important in a relationship. You need to tell him you're willing to work with him and keep it realistic.
    I'm sorry you feel alone but don't give up. If not him, it will be someone else.

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    • Thank you so much for your advice and perspective. I completely understand and realized that I had hurt him and I understand that he's only acting out on that. He tends to shut down and act on his emotions even if it's irrational. Sadly, he's blinded by the negative emotions and sees only darkness. I tried to apologize for what I had done and came up with solutions. I explained myself and my side but to no avail. He said he was done, he drew the line and didn't want to be friends because he wanted me, just like I wanted him. He said he didn't want to leave on bad terms. I replied that I could now see he had lost hope and that I felt sorry for everything. I closed off with a goodbye.

      I refuse to believe that the summer was wasted on this, that he'd just leave because of easily solvable problems, but at the same time, this just shows how little faith he had in us.

What Girls Said 1

  • I''m sorry to hear about the break up. I think you both need time alone and to come to terms with your feelings. He seems very upset/angry and time can make him see that he is being inconsiderate. I wouldn't put all bets on him coming back but you can never be too sure and you both need some time to process things. For now I encourage you to allow yourself to go through the pain and cry if you have to. But after a few days you have to pick yourself up again and start to accept that it might be over.

    I encourage you to read this break up guide.. it's really amazing and free.
    https://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/

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    • Thank you so much your your advice. I know you're right and I'll do my best to follow. ♥

    • My greatest pleasure :)

      If you need any help, encouragement or someone to vent to then feel free to message me xxxx

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