So I dumped my girlfriend of two years was it dumb?



Just found out that she has had sex with some of her male friends in the past before we dated. I feel like a fool since I've met these guys. I feel like I've been decieved she should have told me this before i ever met these guys.

Updates:
Im so pissed off right now. I took the day off of work. so glad we have not moved in together right now.
the only thing that would save the relationship is if she drops these people from her social circle. however since Im not the controlling type that's a decision she would have had to make before we started dating not after. if she drops them now its not because she wants to its because she doesn't want to lose me and that's not a real decision at all. So I really do see know way we could work. We both have fundamentally different ways how we want our lives to be constituted.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah it was dumb. You were with her for two years and this is a pretty insignificant thing to throw that away for. If it upset you, the mature thing would be for you guys to work it out.

    Besides, what did you expect her to say? "Hey, these guys you're about to meet - well, I had sex with them before." That sounds silly. I can't imagine just saying that out of the blue. Also, what would it have changed? Would you have acted differently around her guy friends? Turned into a jealous and possessive boyfriend who restricts who she sees and talks to?

    I would say she dodged a bullet here. Good for her.

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    • thats exactly what she should have said and i would have said well tell them not to come to my party.

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    • Yeah you did her a favor.

    • well if her friends are more important to her then her boyfriend of two years then she's a shitty girlfriend to begin with. she did me the favor.

Most Helpful Guy

  • ehhhh that's tricky. i think that if she fucked theses guys and she still hangs out with them, its a problem. First off, that's weird that she can stand there with the guy she fucked and you at the same time. I would never allow them to be friends. that is something she should have kept to herself. What if you fucked one of her friends in the past and you guys all hung out?

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 13

  • mrwgifs.com/.../...r-Intelligents-Reaction-Gif.gif

    Yes, unless you asked her to disclose her sexual history. Why does she have to tell you who she slept, it's none of your business. The past is the past. Most people do not tell their partners everyone or even anyone they have slept me.

    You have thrown away a good thing over something stupid.

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  • yeah you are an idiot. What has it achieved?

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    • It frees me up to find women who are not deceitful and who hide their past. she should have said something before i met them.

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    • She had no reason to be ashamed of her past decisions.

    • @Mesonfielde You are a woman and so you know how women feel about their past? No? So be quiet and leave your own opinions in your own space provided and butt out.

  • You are a controlling person. Just bc you simply broke up with her doesn't mean you can think you can say who she is friends with. You should have trusted her. Maybe she is good friends with these people and you should have given her a chance to make the decision with out you judging her. The right way to have handled this was to tell her how you felt and then gave her the decision with out making her like you were going to leave. And she will find someone that is better for her. Not Better then you but bc everyone is equal. You may get defensive but you asked if it was dumb.

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    • how am i controlling i never told her what type of friends she could have. i simply broke up with her. i agree she will find somebody better for her. a lesser man who is ok being in this situation.

  • I don't see the difference between meeting someone she slept with and not meeting them. She probably didn't think her sexual past was that important to you, you should have asked her about it if that concerns you. Were you afraid that she would cheat on you with them? If not, then it's pretty dumb, sorry.

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    • not concerned in the slightest. she simply made me look like a fool.

    • Actually she probably made you look like a king bc she was with you. You let your ego get in the way.

    • @amandalauren a king doesn't have people who fucked their girlfriend drink their booze in his hot tub. a king would have them killed. if i was a king she would have dropped them as friends the day we met.

  • Well, breaking up might have been going a little bit too far. I understand that it is upsetting, but did you have a real conversation about it? About what it meant to her? The fact that she is with you means that she didn't go any further with them any ways.
    I don't know, if you felt it was right, then I guess. I wouldn't break up for a reason like that, but. But it is surely upsetting!

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    • no we didn't talk about it. im just getting my car ready right now. took the rest of the week off and im going to Seattle for the weekend. that city has always made me feel happy. I really dont know how i would want to be with her after this. i would never have disrespected her like this.

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    • Wow asshole you act like she is a car I really hope she finds someone that has feelings!!! It's guys like you that give good guys a bad name. You were looking for an excuse to break up from what it hears like to me.

    • @amandalauren no everything was perfect also no im not acting like she a car im acting like she's a person who has a group of friends whos constitution is not something i want in my life. so now its not part of my life since i broke up.

  • She had sex with males BEFORE you dated. That was in her past. Don't let the past determine you breaking up with her

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    • already did

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    • the sex isn't the problem. the problem is she is still friends with these men.

    • and she didn't disclose this before i had met them. had i know i would have told her they are not allowed to be around me.

  • Yeah it was dumb. Maybe she should have told you but that needed a conversation not a break up. by the way you've reacted she was probably scared to tell you. Its not fair of you to ask her to not be friends with her friends anymore because she has a past with them, everyone has a past and they're just friends nothing is going on between them

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    • yeah but she should have told me. im comfortable with my decision.

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    • It wasn't a mistake from her part as she was not sleeping with them while you were together. Basically what she had done is of no concern to you.

    • @Mesonfielde her thinking it wasn't a big deal to introduce me to these men is a big deal. its a deal breaker.

  • she should have told u yes

    but honestly, did u even ask about past partners?

    if not that was pretty dumb. we should always ask

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    • the past is the past. when you are still friends with them then its the present and she should have informed me.

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    • @Suhmer well it obviously is because it is.

    • I agree she obviously likes you and isn't w I think them you over reacted.

  • no it wasn't dumb to dump a girl you didn't like anymore.

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  • Wow, how stupid can you be? Hopefully, she finds a better partner than you.

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    • not going to happen

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    • also there is nothing to communicate about here. i am breaking up with her for traits she has about herself as a person. any women id wish to marry would not remain friends with men she has had sex with and definitely not invite them her new bfs house. thats just disrespectful.

    • Well, I can respect that. Thank you for clarifying.

  • Well i don't think your dumb or stupid you seem like you loved her a lot and is really hurt bc she didn't tell you about those guys and i would be too bc who knows if they didn't have a condom! But i would get checked out by the doc just to be sure (:and if you don't have an STD try to forgive and forget if... so well... give her hell..., Good Luck!

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  • This is crazy. I know guys who have slept with females they are friends with and girls do the same. Sometimes it's only a sexual attraction. And once that over they might feel like they are better off as friends. To think they are mocking you is crazy. They probably had a convo way before she met you that they would never talk about it again. And they must of felt they were better as friends or she would have never had met and dated you.

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    • and her staying friends with them is an automatic disqualification. what makes her wanting to remain friends with people she slept with and me wanting my life to not be like that any better or worse. simply different.

  • Did you ask her or make it clear to her that things like that are a dealbreaker for you?(before making it official/exclusive)

    ✌❤

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    • shouldn't it matter? women should know that they need to tell dudes about dudes that are still around that they fucked. she wants me to meet her friends fine ill do that just give me the pertinent background information on your relationship. him having a dick in her is pretty pertinent.

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    • @asker

      no matter what u said, u should have asked. she can't predict all ur thoughts and opinions on things. unless u mad that clear to her, she had no way of knowing u thought like that.

      and i am sure she had no intention of making u look like a fool

      if u can't love her anymore because of something so small, then perhaps u aren't meant to be together and it is best like this. ur love wasn't strong enough, clearly.

    • @HookingSwan so next time ask a girl if she's fucked her friends? damn thought that should have been an easy one like having an std. things people need to know.

What Guys Said 8

  • Before you dated, you say?

    Yeah, I guess she dodged a bullet. Shame it grazed her and wasted 2 years of her life.

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    • two years of her life? she wasted two years of my life.

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    • It only affected your life because you broke up with your girlfriend over something that was not relevant anymore or at any time during your dating.

    • no the break up is a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself

  • Well, generally speaking I usually say a girls past sex life is none of my business. However, if it's coming to a situation where you might unknowingly be confronted with some situations driven by her past choices then yeah she should tell you. I'm not sure I'd break up over that but it's your choice.

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  • This was BEFORE you guys even dated. Why does it matter? She never went out of her way to cheat on you. She is clearly loyal to you. 2 years is a long time to just throw it away from something she did BEFORE she was with you. Take a week to think about what you are doing. Clear your head. I can promise it is not worth breaking up.

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    • well I've never been in a relationship where I've been this mad and we have recovered. once im deceived like this there is no return. I dont look at her as a women who loves me i look at her as a women who wants something from me now. she introduced me to these men. brought them to my house. i had drinks with them in my hot tube. you seriously would be ok with that?

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    • Then why come here for advise

    • because at the time i was about to kick a baby cat so i figured ranting on the internet was better.

  • If it bothers you so that you aren't happy being with her anymore then, no I don't think it's dumb to break up with someone who you are no longer happy with.

    That being said, she technically didn't deceive you. She didn't lie to you, she just never mentioned it before because you didn't ask.

    It probably would have been better for you to have found out earlier in the relationship but it's on you to ask if it's something that concerns you.

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    • so every women i meet now i have to ask have you fucked anybody im going to meet?

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    • hook ups

    • yeah, i can see how that would make things worse

  • I'm not sure what you are asking.

    Are you asking if it was dumb to dump her? No.

    Are you asking are you dumb for feeling deceived? No

    However, dose it matter? She is no longer your girlfriend, for reasons like this. The fact that you found out she cheated later, doesn't change things.

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    • She didn't cheat on him. She slept with some of her male friends BEFORE they started dating.

    • She didn't cheat. She had sex with them waaaaaaay before these two started dating.

      Unless you claim she travelled back in time to have sex with those guys, no she did not cheat

  • she should have told you, but you should have acted mature. Dumping her was an extreme response. Apologize if you love her, and ask for her back. And disclosing ones sexual history never ends well for partners i find. I told my ex how many women i slept with and she freaked out, and made me get tested for STI's. So just apologize and say it was in the heat of the moment.

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  • I think u had the right call. my last girlfriend had a few close guy friends she did tell knew that she had slept with them. but I figured oh well her past is the past so I didn't have a problem with her being friend with then. but then I found out that she still has sex with them

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  • She didn't cheat on you. It was before you dated. If she's faithful to you, that's all that matters.

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    • so you would be ok with having these men to your house to drink your booze and later to find out that she fucked them?

    • I wouldn't like it, but if I trust her, if I have no reason to believe she's cheating, I'd move past it.

    • well i guess thats the thing. i know longer trust her to tell me the whole truth.

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