Trying to work out if I was lied to?

My ex and i broke up 7 months ago, 4 months of no contact at all and he messaged me saying he was sorry about the break up and regretted it, that he does still like me, that he'd panicked becuase he'd been so busy and stressed, that 80% of our problems were his fault, and that he still wanted to be with me and get back together, that hed felt like that for a while but had been to scared to tell me. we talked a few more times
Then 2 months later me up in person to talk about it. He repeated all the same stuff about having strong feelings for me, never felt like this before, missed everything about me etc but was convinced we would have the same problem so we couldnt get back together and we both needed to move on.

I dont get the point in this at all...
If anyone could explain to me if it was all a lie? why won't he try again when he brought it back up?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think I'm in the first part of your situation. Broke up with my ex and want to get back together. But as I look at the second part, it seems that I can only really think of a few reasons he would act like this. The first and what I think is the most likely is that he isn't really interested in getting back together, but he is simply panicking about being broken up and is reaching out for someone. Then he realized that he isn't really that interested in dating you exactly so he changed his mind because he doesn't want to actually hurt you. The other reason is that he is looking for some kind of closure so he can move on with his life. There is a smaller possibility that he wants to see if you're truly invested in trying to make it work with him. His fear is taking over and he's letting that manipulate his emotions and actions in his response to you. If you really like him and want to try to get back with him, I suggest you sit down with him and let him explain to you why he thinks it won't work. More importantly, address this exact question and tell him that you are willing to work with him. Fear seems to dictate a lot of our actions, and it's possible he just needs someone to take hold of him and ground him. Not the easiest of tasks, but it all comes down to what you want to do.

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    • He told a mutual friend of ours about still liking me and wanting to get back with me a couple of weeks before he told me, and she said to him he had to be 100% sure that was what he wanted before he told me because it wasn't fair so he had time to think about it before he told me, and it was 2 months of saying the same thing before I agreed to meet him. He's a really stubborn person and I think he just convinced himself we would argue and I would end up hurt again and he didn't want to go through that stress on top of his busy life. he's just not one to change his mind once he's made a decision unless it's proven to him that it can be a different way but I don't have the opportunity to prove it

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    • did she break up with you? what were the reasons for the break up? i guess im just scared that he will look at me like i'm too much hassle, as we would have a lot to work through and it would just be easier with a new girl. i know he hasn't dated since we broke up its just been a string of constant one night stands. and i guess i'm pinning all my hopes on what he said about his feelings for me being true and that they wouldn't go so quickly even if he wasn't ready for a relationship again

    • We were having religious difference which to me, at this point, don't really matter as much as I made them out to be. In truth, if you want someone, you do what it takes to be with them. It was a mistake that I hope I don't completely pay for. As for you, it isn't necessarily easier with someone new. At least he knows you and has had feelings of love for you. It's always complicated but just be very open and willing to discuss things on a mature level. Don't give up

Most Helpful Girl

  • He probably just wanted closure for your relationship.

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    • he was the one that ended it both times. I still really like him and want to get back together, do you think what he said about his feelings was true? i don't know whether or not to try again, i think he's so worth it but i won't make a fool out of myself

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    • The sluttiness could be his way of dealing.

    • I just hope it isn't enough of a distraction for him to have lost all feelings for me, I'm the only girl he's ever had feelings for and he liked me for a year before we got together then we were together for 6 months then the last time he told me he had feelings for me was September so for him it's been almost 2 years of liking me

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like he expects the relationship to have problems if you dated again. I think he is letting his fear get in the way. You should talk to him about the possibility dating again and discuss the fears he may have.

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    • yeah he does, i think he's letting fear get in the way too but thought maybe i was being optimistic. We had a great relationship up until the last month, he's a very busy person and he took on some extra work and it meant we barely saw each other at all and it led to a lot of arguing which really stressed us both out so he ended it because he couldn't cope. he says he panicked because he didn't have enough time for me or himself and he's quite a naturally stressful person. he's busy still now and only slightly less and it will fluctuate depending on the month and he's convinced we will argue again like last time. when we met up i was confused because of everything he'd been saying and got upset that he didn't want to get back together, i felt really led on and we argued and it ended badly and now i don't know how to casually convince him it would be stress free as we haven't spoken in over a month

    • Ask him if you two could talk and explain to him how you felt when he told you those things. Explain to him how you felt led on.

    • i just dont know if bringing the relationship back up would just stress him out more and push him further away

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