Soo I was dumped... now what?

All in all it was a pretty good relationship.(4 years) He treated me pretty good, hardly ever had any arguments.
I've noticed the last month he's been stressed out and stuff but didn't bother him about it, just told him i was here if he wanted to talk and asked if there was anything i could do.

He came by as he had planned on Sunday, well it was actually supposed to be Saturday night after work, i made his favorite for dinner and then i got a text that he ws exhausted and would come Sunday. So he comes Sunday around 1pm, is pretty quiet, apologizes for not coming the night before. we really didn't talk much at all the whole day. We had planned to watch our show together which would end around 10pm before he went home.

at 7pm i started cleaning up and getting my kids ready for bed, at about 8 he comes out of the room and says he needed to talk to me. I sit down, he says his rides coming to get him and he's leaving. then the whole "i need to figure out my life, its not you its me, i really love you but you deserve better". I didn't even have time to process it all, i was just angry. THis has happened before but he came back and told me he couldnt be without me and how much he loved me and blah blah blah, he also said hed never do this to me again.

He left his keys on my dresser, got his coat on and then said "i love you, bye" and that was it.
Its day 4 now, i haven't heard anything from him, i haven't bothered to contact him either, nor social media stalk. A part of me wants to give him a couple weeks to himself. IF he hasn't contacted me by then (2 weeks is the longest he's ever gone without contacting me when he gets like this) then its time to erase him completely, unfriend, unfollow.

I think im just confused right now. if he tries contacting me do i hear him out, give him a chance with conditions. Or do i just cut my losses altogether and never speak with him again?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I went through a similar thing with my boyfriend. He was stressed out and cut me out of his life. It wasn't me, it was him, he felt bad because he didn't have time for me, I deserve better, etc. He probably just needs some space to cool off and get through whatever he's going through. For my boyfriend, that took two months. I guess it really boils down to how long you want to wait, if you feel like it's a lost cause of not, things like that. Maybe see if he minds you contacting him every so often to see how things are. With mine I used to send him a message every morning and night with encouragement and such. I didn't always get a reply but when I did it made everything seem worth it. I hope things work out for you!

    • Thank you. I think my main problem is that this is not the first time, it happens like once a year where he gets stressed out and decides he can't handle a relationship, although I have to say its a pretty low maintenance relationship as it is. I don't ask or bother him about seeing me, I don't call or text constantly. I always tell him im here to support him.
      It just hurts that when he gets this way he cuts me out. I already deal with anxiety and panic attacks so this just add to all of it for me

    • Show All
    • He does tell me all the time that he doesn't want to burden me with his issues, even though I tell him it doesn't bother me at all, in fact it makes me feel better that he can come to me and that we can talk about those things. he's just one of those men that hates talking about his problems if he feels that no one can fix them but him, so he retreats. I just hate feeling cut out of his life

    • My boyfriend does the same. In my experience I've just pushed him (as gently as I can though sometimes it's frustrating) until he came clean with me but I'm not sure how that would work for you :/

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  • It sounds like a full Circle Problem Pattern is starting here, dear, and This time, with 'He left his keys on my dresser...' he means Business and wants his Own 'Business Back so he can be his own straw boss now as he flies the coup from you and the little ones.
    He has been trying to tell you in a round about way, although Not with Complete lines of convo, that he doesn't want to be in a Real relationship right now, wants his space and to be free to be a bird who is not two birds of a feather.
    He may have been feeling this Rut he was in, being you have kids, and other things that have 'Stressed' him out lately, things that have been coming on and have come on.
    He may need time to be alone to do some serious soul searching. However, with a guy who is flutter brained like this one is, he may come around but leave town again and never be settled because he doesn't know which end is up, which can be frustrating for you and put a sour ball in your own mouth whenever it goes south.
    Take this time for yourself now to do your own thinking. I do believe he will come calling again, perhaps even with his tail between his legs. It's your choice, your call, with what I have told you, the writing on the wall and All... He is not dependable nor reliable.
    Good luck. xx

  • Honestly, I'd hear him out. You're doing the right thing by waiting a few weeks and of course it's always an option to cut losses and move on... But if he comes back, I wouldn't lock him down with out a chance.

  • I think he may have met someone else by the sounds of it... There is some reason he has just all of a sudden done a 180 on you :-/

    • I don't think its anyone else, he barely has time for himself. I know that work has been a major issue considering he's been spending most of his time on that and is just exhausted, plus its not a job he wants to be doing at all so that adds to the frustration

    • You will know best on this, its just usually most abrupt break ups are that reason when you dont feel it heading south for a while!

      Maybe he just needs time to himself like you say...

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