How to cope with him letting me go?

3 hours ago my boyfriend came to get his things(he was about to move in). 4 days ago I got mad cause he wasn't trying to talk to me. I said let me know what you want to do about our relationship. He came over and said 'i don't know what to do but get my stuff and stay with my aunt'. I was dumb-founded. He left, then I called saying I can't believe everything I do for you & give you, you got giant balls to treat me like this. He was saying because he is stressed over his hours at school, money, giving his car back to his mom...he doesn't want to be bothered with me getting mad. I asked so does that mean you don't love me...cause I thought when your having a hard time, you want the person you love around. He jus kept saying 'i can't make you happy'. All I wanted was a call or text. I've been crying this whole time cause he was literally all I had, gave him everything I could for a whole year(I was going to get him a pitbull for valentines day/one year anniversary). We have broken up a couple of times cause of this but I think this time is for good. I'm feeling used & like he didn't love me. I'm trying to think about all the bad things and how he doesn't deserve me but I'm not feeling better... what can I do?

Updates:
I was trying to make him happy with $180 alone for January,gas money,cell phone.I'm unemployed with rent,utilities,dog.sometimes I didn't pay a bill so he can have gas.I did all that knowing he can't pay me back.he just told me today he was stressed
P.o.s. came over cause he said he was broke & hungry.he fell asleep,I went through his phone.I woke him up told him to get the hell out,started begging for gas money,wouldn't leave my driveway,I threatened to call my daddy(police officer).I got closure.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry you are hurt, as it sounds like you really put yourself into the relationship. I can really relate because I'm a pretty big giver too. I know that even though my ex-wife was bad to me I had a hard time letting go too, as I had put all of myself into a relationship that simply wasn't going to work. The best advice I can give you on how to help with how you feel is to network with your friends and try to go out and have some fun with them, do some of the things you like to do and try and find other activities to do that have a deep emotional meaning for you. This will help fill in some of the holes in your heart, and you might find that maybe he wasn't as meant to be as you once thought. Granted I know it will take some time, but you might begin to realize that maybe you are better off without him, and that you deserve to be in a relationship where your mate will put in as much into the relationship as you. It is my opinion that relationships are about giving, not giving and taking. I say this because if both people are giving to each other, it develops a good cycle of giving and receiving and this helps develop an even stronger bond between both parities involved. I hope this helps some, and that you are feeling better soon.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Guys deal with stresses and problems differently than girls. When a girl is stressed she tends to look for someone to talk to or someone to help. Guys don't normally do that. We avoid complaining about our problems because it makes us appear weak. I hate it when I say I'm stressed and a girl tries to get me to talk about it, It I want to discuss it with you - I will, but women need to understand that we prefer to solve problems our way. Unless he opens up and decides to explain his problems in detail, you shouldnt push

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  • honestly, the only real solution is a long term solution. nothing someone tells you will make you feel better when it comes down to it because your thought proccess is remaining the same only with being comfported a little bit so it creates the illusion of being better. but the depressve thinking still remains and has a high possibility of being a life constant. to feel better you need to make yourself better which pretty much just means self improvement.. rather than focusing on the world around you and blaming it for everything look within yourself to see what you may have done to create this result in your life at this moment. I highly suggest reading more books. non fiction boooks, fiction is an escape from reality but how can you ever expect to change something when all you want to do is get away from it? if you read books on psychology then that helps alot. I also have been recomending books on body language and reading people lately because I see that much negative thinking stems from not knowing what the other person I sthinking but if you can read body langage then you know exactly what he is really thinking about and that helps prevent getting hurt in the future as well as finding out which guys are interested in you. I highly suggest this one but you can easily find many other link I would also suggest that you find someone who you cann share you entire life with because allowing yourself to cry and letting everything go is very benificial to the healing process and it is much better if your with someone you trust. also you should take care to make sure there as as few taboo topics in your relationship as possible because the more things there are you can't talk about the more problems will arise. well I have a lot more but I'm not sure how you feel about what has been said so far so if you me to share more then let me know and id be glad to but I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time writing all this or not

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  • This sounds to me to be an intractable problem -- one that is best dealt with through the grieving process. So go ahead and feel used... it'll get better in the next few days, without question.

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  • Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.

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  • Sounds like your needy, and didn't give a crap about his feelings, or the pressures he was under, and you just added to his stress. If I was worried about making ends meet, and the future, and I had this constant bitching on top of that, I would to what it takes to stop the bitching so I could think clearly.

    men don't talk about their feelings, when they do talk, they want to plan actual solutions that work, and what it takes to make things happen.

    lets see: you knew he was losing his car, he had issues with school, so clearly if he does have a job he isn't making enough money and he is stressed out.

    and you started bitching cause he couldn't talk about it? I respect the man for keeping his problems to himself and not winning about it. it was his problem to deal with and he was.

    but you clearly had a funny way of showing how supportive a lover you could be...NOT!

    I'd ditch the girl too and look for someone less demanding/.

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    • Anything he asked for I gave it to him. When he last talked to me he was happy cause he thought he was done with school.he just told me today.I mean, I was just mad for a day. He thought I was trying to break up and I said no I'm not.. but his words already peirced me. He has 4 kids, 3 baby mamas.he said they all cheated on him cause he didn't have money.I kept reassuring him I'm not like that by giving him money so he won't stress.how am I the b*tch?

    • Holy sh*t son, you call her needy? My word. What a dreadful attitude!

  • Give him his space. It sounds like both of you need some time alone. Focus on your school work or watch something on TV (NOT anything romantic, watch the Discovery Channel, History Channel, Comedy Central, Animal Planet, or even CNN). Get your mind on other things. The pain is only temporary.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I believe you need to treat yourself.

    It sounds like you're a very sacrificing person. At times I'm like this too. We all give so much but don't get much in retrun.

    My suggestion for the future is to take care of yourself and not have someone so dependent on you. Especially from someone who does not love you. You got to understand that that's how things are at times.

    Money isn't the answer to everything. He should get over the fact you got mad at him or his feelings were never that strong for you anyways. I'm sorry, I know that might hurt a bit.

    He might and most likely is going through a hard time because he's so dependent on you-he wants perhaps to make you happy but he can't because of money.

    Until he can be more independent, it's hard for this relationship to work. unfortunately. you can do all you can but if he just doesn't realize this then it's a one sided situation. Where you're giving and he's not. So, I would give him space, let him sort things out on his own. and perhaps just go on with your life like it wasn't anything much of a big deal. I know it's hard, but you just have to be strong. hi

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  • Don't listen to that girl who called you a bitch, she thinks she knows everything. I don't understand why people waste their time writing that sh*t.

    Although, she has a point. It doesn't sound like your boyfried was having much fun, and it sounds like you would start to talk to him about a million things, and all this money you were lending him sounds like it was tipping the balance of the relationship; maybe he was losing his power. Listen to what he says. "I can't make you happy", means that he's sick of trying his best with unending criticism. I know guys can be thick somethimes, but it sounds like you failed to notice a change in the dynamics of the relationship.

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  • He's stressed and it's good he's buy his aunt, sometimes distance is better. Since he's working out his stress you should work out your, guys deal with stress differently. If he calls, no drama just leave it as it is it will work itself out.

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  • This guy was totally using you (though he may or may not have meant to) and you're better off without him using *your* unemployment money. You need to take care of yourself in this situation... and he wasn't helping.

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  • I fully agree with the anonymous' answer. I had a lot of stress of trying to pass a professional exam (which was under time constraint) along with taking 15 hrs in grad school. All I could hear my ex talking about was how I do not care about him. I clearly explained to him what was going on in my life at the time and it will only be temporary. But, no, it had to be right now and about him, him, him. You sound exactly like my ex. Relationship is about you caring the other person, what you can offer to make the other person happy. NOT about what you should get back.

    You sound insecure. He already told you issues that are stressing him out and your response is 'does he not love you'. When you are more calm, think clearly about the actions you took. All you wanted was a call or text. So, your solution is to act like a child and bitch about what you didn't get. Congratulations, you created more problems in the relationship rather than helping him getting through tough time.

    ."i can't make you happy": Did you demand too much from your ex? Always wanting him to do this and that, never ending of 'wants'? It'll only let the other person feel as if they can't really satisfy you... hence, he can't make you happy.

    If a guy is literally ALL you have, you really need to get a life. Find hobbies, friends, &/or career.

    By the way, you feeling used and he didn't love you - Signs of a self-centered person. Otherwise, did he use you for sex or money? What did he use you for?

    I suggest you spending more time improving yourself before getting involved with someone else.

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    • Relationship is not about money and you should not make it about the money. If you have to skip a bill payment in order to give money to him..... that's just called not being smart. You have to get yourself together first before you can help someone else. If he can't pay for his own basic necessities, why did you think about getting him a dog?

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