My ex left me 9 months ago when he was overseas on exchange for uni. We had a strong, long andhappy solid relationship that we both knew would last. Long story short, he didn't even end things, he basically just never replied one day and blocked my family and I on facebook etc. He lives about 15 mins away from me, and we go to the same uni etc. It's been 9 months and I haven't seen him or heard from him since.
What he did was really sudden & unexpected because we were stable and he made it clear that leaving me wasn't something he would ever wanna do. Basically, it's been just over 9 months and I'm not over it at all. The past few weeks I've been dreaming about him / me and him every night, I still cry myself to sleep sometimes and still think about it everyday. I've done everything from new hobbies to making new friends, concentrating on studies, getting a new job etc. but 9 months later and I'm still extremely upset.
How do I get closure to move on? In my opinion I haven;t been able to get over it because subconsciously it's 'unfinished' because I got no closure. I cannot contact him as I am blocked on everything and he would not reply anyways. I thought of going to his house to see him as that would be the only way to talk but that seems obsessive, and most likely he wouldn't answer the door if he saw it was me anyway since he has blocked me on everything.
Do you think I should seek closure (etc. going to his house or something) or should I just let it go? I'm not sure what to do, I would honestly appreciate any advice.
Thank you guys so, so much xoxox
Most Helpful Guy
First, I'm sorry that a guy would treat a girl such a way. We have a sacred duty to care for the girls in our lives, and he clearly wasn't up to the task. You need to remember that you can't control anyone but yourself, so it is extremely important to take full account and responsibility for yourself. How are you improving? Are you moving forward or lingering in the past? Part of moving forward isn't just about forgiving him, but yourself. That it was a situation that you had no control over, and you did your best. Don't worry and regret the time, for it was time you got to learn and grow as a person. And there were things he taught you that no one else might be able to teach. More importantly, you need to remember the good and the bad. In order to let go, you need to look at the whole relationship, and rather than dwell completely on one or the other, keep an open perspective of what your relationship had: good and bad times. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do to get what some of us would call closure. Sometimes they move away, shut us out, or even die. Fate sometimes seems to be torturing us even when we haven't done anything wrong. Yet we must move forward. Don't hate him, just do your best to move forward. I believe it was Confucius who said, "Through mastering oneself and returning to ritual one becomes humane. If for a single day one can master oneself and return to ritual, the whole world will return to humaneness." Grieve the loss is important, but to truly move on, you need to be moving forward. Dating other guys. Trying to improve your life. Don't hate him. Don't hate yourself. Easier said than done, but remember that you have strength and power, so take control of your life and don't stop because life threw you a test that was meant to make you better in the long run. Many years from now you'll look back on this moment of pain and offer truly amazing advice to a friend or family member who have also been put in a position of pain.
On a personal note, I really do hope for the best for you. I wasn't going to answer any questions this morning, but I felt moved by your situation. I'm sorry that you're still hurting for so long. I hope you find peace soon and that you can gain some sort of closure in your life.1