Was how I said this too harsh?

I went to a Halloween party last night and my ex boyfriend was there. A girl that we both use to work with who I never previously had a problem with and who he had never shown attention towards before was there I wouldn't say we are friends but we know each other and worked with each other for about a year.

They were flirting a couple metres away from me, she was pretty much on his lap they were that close and were "feeling" each other up shall we say. She noticed that i made eye contact with her for a split second and jumped off him and just stared at me. This happened multiple times. I didn't understand why she kept on leaping off him if she felt that uncomfortable she shouldn't have done it in the first place.

We broke up 4 months ago I am doing well and feel as if I'm less and less interested in him. I'm at that point now where I just feel nothing when I see him. However seeing this was just plain disrespectful she knew we were dating for 2 years and that we recently broke up. I'm not upset about what had happened I'm just feeling disrespected. He claims she sat on him and that he has no attraction to her I don't know why he told me this I don't care nor is it any of my business. I just didn't want to see this. He tried to "explain" himself which was unnessisary and tried to tell me that he wasn't trying to make me jealous lol. Which was also unnessisary.

I sent her a message saying this; I'm going to say this once and once only, I appreciate that "his name" is a single guy now and that is all well and good. But the disrespect you had for me last night was not okay, I was standing metres away from you and it appeared vindictive and bitchy. I understand it takes two people but I would think you would have enough respect for me as his ex girlfriend to not flaunt it in my face. Learn to be respectful and don't do this in front of me again.

was I to harsh? I was trying to not be too bitchy but was trying to be firm with her and in a way put her in her place.

Updates:
Can I also add she was literally eyeballing me whilst she was doing this she knew exactly what she was doing and was trying to get a reaction out of me. I was very calm and made so reaction at all. I left it till today to say something.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Please, you are so not over him yet.

    Let's be real here, she's single, your ex boyfriend is single, they are free to flirt anytime and anywhere they want to. They didn't exactly bother anyone else, did they? well except you that is. The cold hard truth here is you have no right to dictate what they should or shouldn't do. You broke up with him and if any of your friend is interested in him they're free to take him.

    The fact that you're bothered has nothing to do with respect, it has everything to do with the fact that you're not happy a girl is trying to take someone who has been so intimate with you for the past 2 years. It's that underlying selfishness and greed that most people don't want to admit. You think you're okay without him, you think you're fine if he flirts with another girl but you also don't want another girl to have him so "soon" after you break up because deep down it makes you feel like he was not affected by your break up at all. If you feel disrespected it's because of your boyfriend, not because of that girl.

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    • Oh wow you caught me you should be a physiologist. You're completely wrong on so many levels it's not even funny! I have no interest in getting back with him I have no emotional attachment to him aside from hoping for the best for him.

      I made it clear to her that he is single and he is free to do whatever he pleases. He knows this and I said this to him I do not care at all what she does he can do whatever he likes with whomever he likes who am I to say that he can't, I was simply ASKING key word there asshole ASKING for her and him to not do it around me. She clearly felt uncomfortable doing it so why do it in the first place. She was being a vindictive cow she was eyeballing me whilst doing it to get my attention I was an adult about it and walked away.

      I know for a fact he was affected by the breakup and that he still is affected by the break up that is not an issue. I have spoken to this with my ex boyfriend already and he told me to take it up with her.

Most Helpful Girl

  • thank you so much your question taught me something very important, I fell on my boyfriend past thing of his ex girlfriend he never spoke about her, he did about others but not about this one which means she meant to him something or a lot, now i know i should respect his exes and stop calling them names whenever i'm mad at him (I don't call them names in front of him but when i'm alone), i think you did the right thing and you passed the message, that wasn't a pleasant thing to do, and if he could chop his desire to flirt as long as u were there! and that girl, if i were her, and we worked together, even if we weren't friends it would be a bad idea to touch someone's else ex since i already know about their relationship it'll be bad sign

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    • I have no problems that they have interest in each other I myself have moved on as well but I wouldn't flaunt it in my ex boyfriends face so I would hope for the same respect back. I'm happy that my question has helped you out in your situation.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, you shouldn't have messaged her anyway since what they did was none of your business. And honestly when you're talking about "putting her in her place" you do sound like a huge bitch.

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    • And you're a huge cunt :)

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    • I answered the question, yes you were too harsh, and you shouldn't have said anything to begin with since its none of your business.

      And I said you sound like a huge bitch when you're talking about "putting someone in their place", but because you are insecure and couldnt handle that you felt the need to retaliate.

    • @YumDum She was talking about not wanting to be bitchy and I said that when she talks about "putting someone in their place" she does sound like a bitch. And I dont like or dislike this post, I just gave my opinion what the fuck are you talking about?

      And you are free to give me all the advice you want, doesn't mean Im gonna follow any of them, especially when they are clearly just your opinions.

  • Wait... you're no longer enamored with your old boyfriend but you consider it "disrespectful" if another girl PDA's him around you?

    That makes no sense.

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    • When she looks directly at me smiling yes it's disrespectful. When I know her personally yes it's disrespectful. When I walk away to try and get away from it as I don't need to see something like that and they follow me outside and continue to do this yes it's disrespectful.

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    • The facts are - she wanted to tweak you and now you're tweaked. I'm not assuming anything.

    • I mean - this kind of thing happens all the time to people. Happened to me almost exactly as you describe with a chick I broke up with. Clearly she was trying to make me jealous... and it was hilarious because I have always been a big muscly guy and the dude she was with was just... like half my size and pathetic but...

      I just gave the dude a "Big Thumbs Up" like... "Have fun bangin' that shit cuz I've had my fill of it already."

      Problem solved.

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