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It's normal to think of past lovers especially if you really connected with them. It doesn't matter how it ended. Some people can break up with you and you'll still miss them. I doubt you being the one who ended it is what is causing you to miss him. You're likely missing him simply due to feelings and it takes a lot of time to get over it. You cannot force anything. I just know that often when we miss a ex it's us missing the IDEA of them and not the actual person as they are. We get caught up in a fantasy perfect world and think they are amazing when in reality they hurt us many times when we were together and it likely wasn't so perfect.