How can I be okay after losing my first love?

Our 4 year anniversary was just a few weeks away. We were supposed to move in together in 2 months. I was the one who ended it. It was the hardest and worst experience of my life and it dragged out over a year. It was because of a bunch of things from the past that he did over and over and it just built up. The last few months were perfect, what we had always wanted and tried for. I just wasn't happy. I think it was too little too late. I was racked with anxiety and the trust had been broken too many times. I had so much resentment and animosity for him even though he was trying so hard. I should have left a long time ago, we both deserve better. I checking my phone and social media even though he's blocked on both. In spite of everything, he was my best friend and first everything. I can't even fathom going to work or telling anyone that we broke up. I will miss talking to him and joking around and doing everything together. I can't even describe how I feel. I feel crazy yet numb. I don't know what I'm going to do with the anniversary gift I got him or my life. I don't have any real friends and I'm not close with my family.


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What Guys Said 1

  • There's a lot there and only you two know the answers. I don't know if you will be okay. That's the honest truth. But I hope you will and more likely than not you will be. I extend a hug to you, good luck. We are all here for you

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What Girls Said 1

  • I can understand. My first love was this Canadian guy who I was crazy in love with but due to distance our relationship never managed to happen. I still think about him and what more could've been but you manage to move on somehow especially with new relationships and other people who can make you truly happy.

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