I don't want to be with my chubby girl any more?

I know already that I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I seriously don't know what else to do. I am 27, married to a 25 year old. I love this girl, but I'm seriously starting to wonder if "love" is enough. We have been together for going on six years now. Just a little background, I am ex military, and even though it's not a given anymore, fitness is very important to me. I try to work out at least four times a week, and run at least six miles twice a week. Hiking is my favorite hobby. Mind, I didn't used to be this way. I used to be a scrawny, awkward looking kid. My wife was the opposite. She was a thin little band girl, immensely beautiful. Every guy in her high school wanted to be with her. Over time though, laziness took over. While I still love her, she has put on a significant amount of weight. It was just a little when we got married, but in the last year she has likely put on forty pounds. I don't know for sure because she hasn't told me her weight since she was 125 three years ago. It makes me sad because she is sad about it, but at the same time she refuses to make changes. She has told me she will "go to the gym tomorrow" for the last three months, but I can't say anything about it without making her feel like shit. I've asked her to run and walk with me, but she always said no, so I've stopped asking. I can't even enjoy sex with her any more. I used to not be able to keep my clothes on around her, going so far as to do it in her parents' living room while people were still up. Now, I can't help it, as much as I try to enjoy it I just feel her rolls and belly. I usedto love her bubble butt, now it's all thigh. I know I sound so shallow right now, but I really do love her, just not the person she's become. At first I thought it was maybe depression, or a temporary thing she would just snap out of, but it's been like this for so long now. As her health has declined, so has her happiness. She's more moody than she used to be. I just don't know what to do anymore. I never thought I would be this person, but I'm actually contemplating divorce. I can't go the rest of my life loathing the idea of sex, and seeing her hurt every time I turn her down, and closing my eyes every time I do say yes just so I can fantasize and manage to get off. Divorce is a last resort, and something I hate the idea of, I'm just worried it may be the only option I have for a happy relationship.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Have you told her that her health is hurting you too? Honestly it does sound like she's a bit depressed, whether as a cause or consequence of her weight gain. I wouldn't break things off with her just yet. You love her and want her to be healthy again, and just asking her to go to the gym sometimes isn't going to be enough. It might be time to get a little tough. Not in a mean way... but in a strong way. You need to tell her that her weight is worrying you, that you want to help her, and that it's affecting you in a lot of ways. Don't tell her it makes you want to leave her.

    You might have to push her a bit. You might have to make her go to the gym when she doesn't really want to. I'd also consider looking into psychological help if she's depressed

    You want to see her healthy again. Don't give up on her yet, just be a little more tough and stubborn about it. Sometimes people need to be pushed before they change or admit something is wrong.

    • Im considering recruiting help from her friends so we can all go to the gym together or do physical activities with each other.

      I don't want to go the divorce route

    • Show All
    • I just want to get her out of the depression state if that vanishes things will become easier to work out

    • I think so too. Depression is hard to work through, and it is going to take time and patience. Don't rule out seeking professional help for her either. She might need it if there's no apparent cause for her depression.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Wow! You don't deserve her

  • Talk to her about her weight gain, taking the stand of being concerned about her health, not your growing lack of physical attraction to her. Explain that physical fitness has been critically important all your life and you take your health very seriously. Especially as you age, staying healthy becomes all the more important. Tell her that by refusing to exercise or try to change, she is effectively giving up on you. What if she dies early because of it? What if she gets a disease because of her weight that you suddenly have to spend lots of money to fix? Tell her that her actions are indirectly affecting you. And simply that it's disheartening to see that even though health and fitness is something so important to you, she doesn't seem to care about it. (If this doesn't work, then take it a step farther.) Listen, if you can't start making some effort, I will lose interest in you and will unfortunately consider leaving you.

    • It will be a hard fought struggle convincing her to change her ways. I'm not about to give up on her, the points you mentioned about the pros of staying healthy I will tell her, but I hope it will get through to her.

    • Me too!! Let me know how it goes

    • Sure :)

  • Listen I'm sorry for your situation but this was kinda funny. Give her hint and buy her a gym membership.

    • I told her straight out and even offered her to accompany me on my walks

    • I don't consider that a reason to divorce

What Guys Said 1

  • I get it man. Everyone has a different preference when it comes to the body of a woman. I do like a more feminine body type such as hips, breasts, and etc. But it sounds like she is gaining a lot of weight fast and doing it in a unhealthy way. I hope it works out, man.


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