Is asking him to sever ties with exes too much?

Me and my sons father have started going to couples counseling (we've been together 5 years and the past 2-3yrs have been bad). We both mutually agreed to go and that we wanted help...we also both agreed we wanted to do things the right way and give 100% to this. The issues I had with his cheating and talking with other women are at the forefront. Basically trust issues. I have caught him in a little BS lie once or twice since starting counseling but I didn't really call him on it...figured were just starting and it takes people time to kinda gave him a freebie (he didn't cheat or ne thing just said one girl called wen it was actually a diff girl) He said he's always kept in touch with exes or future prospects before because A.) he felt he mite be missing out on something and B.) He felt like we could fail at any time. I've never been the type to try and "control" him and tell him what to do or what not to do... but I've been thinking since our last session and next week I was going to tell him that if he can't delete these girls from his phone, Facebook and other areas of his life I want to end things now and stop counseling because I'm not comfortable with exes calling him at all hours of the night or him hanging out with girls he had history or feelings for. I asked him why he still has all their numbers and he said its because they call/text response was ...OK but that doesn't mean you have to save their numbers...i asked him to give me 1 good reason he should keep em and he said he didn't have one, but that he also didn't have a good reason to delete em. I kinda felt like I'm not a good enough reason to get rid of your little black book? Am I out of line on this or controlling? Any advice or opinions would be appreciated~!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I personally think you are not out of line because if you had exes calling you and doing the same I am sure it would bother him. If he said he would like to give 100% to the relationship then that includes giving you all the attention and putting off others till later. If these exes are friends they should understand if he tells them that he is working on his relationship right now and it needs his full attention. If he stills lets these type of things get in the way while the relationship is not solid and trustworthy then its time to let go. Hard to say when kids are involved but it would be an unhealthy environment for them. Hope this helps.

    • Thks I wanted 2 get an objective opinion before I made that request because sumtimes when ur in a situation you may think irrationally.ill bring it 2 our next counseling session and also say if he doesn't want to then that's ok I won't hold it against him, but we're over and can stop counseling because I will never be ok with that no matter how much counseling we get,but if he agrees and I find out l8r he still saved their #s then its over..cant have me and them..ill remove myself before I tell him what 2 do

What Girls Said 1

  • You do not sound to be out of line or controlling. You are asking for commitment and respect, which he is failing to give you when he keeps these other girls around because he "might miss out on something" or because you and he "might break up at any time." The fact that he thinks it's appropriate to keep his options open while in a serious relationship AND to TELL you he's keeping his options open, without any consideration of how it could hurt you to hear something like that, makes me think he's probably selfish and DEFINITELY not putting in the 100% effort as promised. Having platonic friendships with exes or people of the opposite sex is one thing, but throwing it in your face that he is interested in other women, ACTIVELY keeping them around and PLANNING for the day you guys break up is just plain a-hole behavior.


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