Would you tell one parent if the other was a cheater?

So. Long story short.

I was at home, I walzed over to the desktop pc, sat down, and someone had left a gmail account logged in, with a weird name I didn't recognize. I clicked on it, and from the pictures and writing patterns quickly realized it was an email account my dad had made, siging up for places like adultfriendfinder, sexfinder, casual sex ads on craigslist, etc. There were several strings of emails of him emailing trying to chat with potential mistresses.

My dad is also married, to my mother, and I am one out of five kids they had. I have two little siblings who are no where near old enough for moving out of the home.

Thoughts?

Note: My parents are also very religious. Not the "I believe in God and would use facts to defend it when I can" but the "My dad tried to start his own Bible study and parents both thought I was not a Christian because I found church boring."

That, and a few years ago one of my sisters implied to them I had hooked up with a girl and had sex, literally a "I think he had sex" type statement. They threatened to kick me out of the house and demanded I provide them the address of the girl so they could verify what I did or did not do.

  • Yes, tell on the cheater!
    Vote A
  • No, let things take their own course.
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Forgot to say I took about 6 pictures of emails and such when I found the account logged in.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Next time you find the email up I would try and keep it logged in or take a picture or something so you can show you're mother evidence of what's going on. Just so then it's not just words.

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    • Forgot to say I took about 6 pictures with my cell phone camera when I found the account logged in.

    • Okay, I would bring it up to your mom then.

Most Helpful Guy

  • My dad's also a religious man and I've caught him in some sketch situations. I was just honest with him about it. I took the man route. Pretty much said "dad I know about this and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not going to tell mom because it's your marriage not mine I just wanted you to know I know to get it off my chest." At first he tried to pull the whole boys will be boys schtick but he didn't raise me to be that kind of person and he knows it. They eventually talked about it. Sometimes just reminding your dad that you're watching is a character jolt. He'll either risk you losing his respect or do what's right.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 8

  • Well, what would the Christian thing to do be? I think the best course would be to speak to your dad on his own, tell him you saw the emails and the websites (don't say anymore, see what he admits to). Don't blackmail him but tell him it has to stop, that this is his one chance to sort himself out and work on his marriage. God would not be happy.

    Then don't mention it again. Drop it. Forever.

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  • i dont think its your place to actually go and tell your mom...
    you should talk about it with your dad. confront him about it. tell him to stop otherwise you will tell your mom...
    but its best if you dont go all out on your mom yet...

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    • one one hand, I'd be very angry if my girl was looking for sex online, and my friend didn't tell me... yet on the other hand, saying anything will be at best really bad and awkward, or worst divorce and family meltdown.

    • yeah... its a very delicate issue

  • I wouldn't want to get involved. But if this is the case you seriously need to talk to both of them in the same room and tell them at once. They might not be happy but its better for them to work on their relationship.

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  • I would tell your dad what you found. He will probably blow up. But you would be shocked how many married men are online looking for women.

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  • It's not really your place to tell your mom about that. I think you should confront your dad and ask him about it. Definitely don't leave it unsaid though. You should talk to your dad.

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  • Tell your mom. If I was a mom and one of my children knew my husband was having an affair and didn'the tell me I would be extremely hurt.

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  • She really deserves to know.

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  • My dad cheated on my mother. I would definitely tell on him because it doesn't just affect him and my mother. This has long term affects on the children. I know it did for me and my sister. I still have a hard time trusting men and I have to work on it every single day thanks to my dad. Fuck him.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Don't rat out your old man. That being said approach him and make it clear you won't be put in the middle of that. Tell him you love your mom and she doesn't fucking deserve that. You tell him to cut that shit out or you will tell.

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  • I think I would. I'd hope I would. Not that I want to hurt the parent who would've been cheated on, but just so that they know the truth.

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  • Let it unravel by itself.

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  • yup religious parents are always fucking crazy, i left mine.

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  • Just let things take their course.
    Maybe talk to the parent who's account it was.

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  • I would have a serious talk with my Dad, what happens after is dictated by the results of your discussion. I would not advise telling on him as the first step.

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  • Have you ever thought that maybe.. just maybe your mom knows.. they might be looking for a threesome

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    • i would... but my mom is the type that sees my dad look at a woman and gets hurt/angry

  • Don't listen to the stupid people saying you shouldn't tell. She needs to know.

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  • That, s something i could not hold back

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  • I'd either confront the cheater, or do nothing. Don't go to the other spouse first.

    For all you know your mother's had 7 affairs your dad already knew about. Or she hasn't slept with him in 5 years, and thinks he should just deal with it.

    If you're not ready to get into the middle of your parents sex life, maybe don't go down this path.

    If you are - and it may help them - start with him, and ask what's going on

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  • Im sure you can find some bile verses about infedelity. Be sure and work them in when telling on him.

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