I'm 20 years old and my first serious relationship ended months ago. The girl had a lot of emotional baggage from past heartbreaks from family members, friends, and boyfriends. She also had a substance abuse problem that became a big issue in our relationship. All of this made her insanely difficult to be with, but I stayed with her because I loved her and wanted to help her better herself. All this got me in end, was being cheated on by her and her leaving me for the guy she cheated with after us being together almost a year. this girl had me convinced she really loved me. We told each other our deepest secrets, cried to each other, had a lot of happy times. Everyone thought she loved me more than anything else in the world; she used to be super clingy and act like she didn't want to go one minute without me. Then she just suddenly switched it up out of nowhere and told me her relationship with her ex before me was the most in love she's ever been in her life and she wants to find that kind of love again, although she only had negative things to say about him before and told me I was the love of her life. It's 3 months later and I still think about it literally every waking moment of each day. I replay the situation in my head constantly. Seeing her with the guy, remembering the hurtful things she said to me, I can't get past it. I have fake conversations and scenarios with her in my head where I cuss her out, find ways to sabotage her new relationship, and get revenge. The idea that she's moved on with her life, happy with the guy she cheated on me with, while I'm stuck feeling all this pain eats away I have so much anger and hatred towards her and I feel like I'll never be rid of it. I feel like I'll never be able to get to the point where I don't even think about it anymore. I'm afraid it will hold me back in future relationships, if I can even get one. She was the only girl that geniunely seemed to be in love with me, I'm afraid I won't find that again.